This is all my fault.
If anything happens to her and the baby, I’ll never forgive myself.
I take the stairs two at a time. Orla is still dozing in the conservatory. Nothing is moving outside in the hazy gray daylight. But then I notice footsteps in the frost, a faint trail heading away from the house.
I don’t wait around to grab a jacket. I follow the footsteps to the stables, my heart still beating its own accusatory tune.
At first glance, there’s no sign of her. But then I smell her familiar sweet perfume, and my heart stops yelling at me and tells me to go to her. To keep my promise. To protect her and the baby even if it hurts.
I find her in Snow’s stall, her face buried in the horse’s mane.
She turns raw eyes and swollen lips my way. But she doesn’t come to me. She doesn’t fling her arms around my neck and tell me how much she loves me. She doesn’t tease me with slanted eyes and a sexy smile. Because I turned our marriage into abusiness transaction. I pushed her away when all I really wanted to do was hold her.
“Amelia, I…” The words stick in my throat. Even now. Even when I can see her heart physically breaking before my eyes, I can’t get beyond the lies and make her mine again.
She shakes her head and straightens her spine, facing me squarely, one arm still looped around Snow’s neck. “I’m not going to ask you to forgive me, Declan. I don’t want your forgiveness.”
“What do you want then?” Funny how my voice can produce all the wrong words.
She steps away from Snow. “I just want you to know that I never set out to hurt you. I didn’t lie to you, Declan. I…”
“You didn’t tell me the truth either. Not until it was too late.”
She holds my gaze, and time slows down. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish I could take us back to her arrival and start over. But even if that were possible, would I do things differently?
No. I’d still fall in love with her. I’d still want her with every bone in my body.
“You’re right.” She swallows hard. “And I will have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
Amelia walks past me, distant enough that we don’t touch, but close enough for me to soak up the smell of her.
Then she walks back to the house, and I let her go.
15
AMELIA
I can’t stay here.
I’ve been fooling myself thinking that Declan would come around, forgive me for hurting him, and accept that the baby I’m carrying is still a Byrne.
But he’s a man, and I’d forgotten just how sensitive men’s egos are. He can’t forgive me for sleeping with his son. That image will always be present in his mind, every time he touches me, every time he looks at my naked body, every time I kiss him.
I had no idea that Ryan was Ruairi, but I only have myself to blame.
Now that I’ve made up my mind, I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have a plan. Sure, life isn’t going to be easy, but I know that my mom will always be there to support me.
When I’ve finished stuffing my clothes into the bag that I arrived with, I stand by the window of the guest room and call my mom.
She answers on the first ring. “Mia, are you alright, baby girl?”
Her voice sucks fresh tears from my eyes, and I wipe them with the back of my hand. “Mom, I’m coming home.”
“Why? What’s happened? I didn’t think that you were coming back for the holidays.”
I sniff loudly. “I’m not coming back for the holidays.” I’m breathing deeply. As soon as I say what I have to say, she’ll know that I’m hiding something. “I’m coming back to stay.”
Silence. I can see her in my mind, slotting all the pieces into place and figuring out the bits I haven’t told her. “You found your father.” It isn’t a question. This is the call she has been dreading since I left New York.
