“I watched my mother fall apart. I watched her blame herself for not pushing harder and not making him choose differently. I watched her live with that guilt for years.” My voice stays calm, but firm. “And I promised myself I would never put myself in that position. I would never love someone who was determined to die young for a job or a vice.”
“I'm not trying to die.”
My short nails dig into my palms, but I manage to keep my tone level. “You almost did, Seth. You almost died for a company that would replace you before you were even in the ground. I refuse to watch that happen.” I lean forward slightly. “I will not stand by and watch you kill yourself. I can't. I refuse to.”
He's staring at me, clearly stunned, like he didn't expect this. Maybe he expected me to just be relieved he's okay, maybe cry a little, then move on.
“You need to make a choice,” I continue, my voice steady and certain. “A real choice. You can stay here and build a completely different life, and I mean completely different, not just working remotely with one foot still in the door. Or you can go back toyour company and your old life. But you can't have both. Not the way you were trying to do it.”
“That's an ultimatum,” he says quietly.
“Yes, it is.” I don't flinch. “Because I love you, Seth. I love you so much it terrifies me. But I love myself too. And I will not destroy myself trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved.”
“I do want-”
“Do you?” I hold his gaze. “Because three days ago, when that call came in, you didn't choose your health. You didn't choose me. You chose the crisis. You chose to fix it and to try to control it, even though you knew- you KNEW- what it could do to you.”
He has no answer to that. The truth of it sits between us, heavy and undeniable.
I stand up and fish my car keys out of my pocket. His eyes go wide.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“Home. You need time to think. To really think about what you want your life to look like. About what matters most to you.” I move toward the door, my steps calm and deliberate. “And I need space. I need to not be here while you figure it out, because if I stay, I'll make it easier for you to not choose. I'll cook for you and walk with you and check your blood pressure, and you'll think you can have everything without changing anything necessary.”
“Jennifer, please-”
I pause at the door and turn back to look at him. He's halfway up from the couch, one hand reaching toward me, with a stricken look on his face.
“Take all the time you need to think about things,” I say gently. “Think about what really matters to you. And when you've decided, really decided, not just a compromise or a middle ground, you can call me.”
“How long?” His voice cracks.
“However long it takes.” I give him a small, sad smile. “I'm not going anywhere, Seth. I'm not leaving town or disappearing. But I am choosing myself. I'm choosing not to watch someone I love die. And now you get to choose too.”
“Don't go.” It comes out as a whisper. “Please.”
“I have to. For both of us.” I open the door and pause one more time. “I love you. Remember that while you're thinking. I love you enough to walk away if you can't choose life.”
Then I step through the door and close it softly behind me.
I make it to my car before the tears come. But even through them, I know I did the right thing.
He has to choose. Really choose.
And I can't make that choice for him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SETH
The cabin is too quiet.
I sit on the couch where Jennifer left me and stare at the door she walked through. I keep expecting her to come back. To peek her head in and say she forgot something, that she was just being dramatic, and that of course she'll stay. Like she stayed with me at the hospital. She’s stayed with me every day since I came to the cabin, as more than a housekeeper, as a friend and then a lover.
But she doesn't.
The sun lowers, painting the lake gold and pink through the windows, and I'm still sitting here. Alone.
