She tried to turn away, but he kept her in the cage of his arms, holding her before him, unable to hide from herself or him.
“Why can’t you forgive yourself and let it go?” he asked.
“Because they’re innocent children!” She flicked her fingers toward the door. “I walked a wolf right into their home.”
“Did you sneak him in? I thought you said Ramon allowed you to bring him into their home.”
“Yes, but they all spoil me.” She’d been a child herself when she came here. Henri and his family had indulged her at every turn. “Ramon trusted me to have a gauge on someone I wassleepingwith. Someone I claimed to love.”
He flinched, but only said, “You didn’tlethim betray you, Siobhan. He just did it.” There was a ragged edge in his voice that told her he understood that type of pain at a soul-deep level. “Is it really Dorry you hate? Or how badly she got hurt? Is turning your back on her your way of hiding fromthat?”
A pulse of anguished discovery shot through her. It was the jump-scare of catching her own reflection in a mirror. More of those stupid, stupid tears rose in her eyes because one word was lighting up her brain.Yes.
She was deeply hurt and deeply angry that she’d been hurt. Her life had been one where she had been smothered in love. She had opened her heart to Gilbert as innocently as those children opened theirs to her. Having her heart stomped on and tossed away had been shocking. Unbearable.
“You’re not the villain here.” His graveled voice stirred her hair.
“I know, but…” She had to bite her lips to keep them from trembling. Her chest felt full of pins. “How could I love someone so awful? I feel foolish. I thought we were going to get married and… I keep thinking that I let it happen because I was in a hurry for this.” She drew back to wave a hand at the room around them. The house and the family within it.
She began to shake again because she was laying bare more than her hurt and her heart. She was telling him what she wanted fromhim. And she already knew he might not be able to give it to her.
“I want a partner in life. I want children. Not just this baby.” She touched her abdomen. “But siblings. A family. I want big gatherings and silly arguments over holidays and all the love—”
This wasn’t supposed to be a test, but she sensed the way he withdrew a little, hiding his thoughts while she cleared her throat and continued to speak.
“—that I see when everyone is together like this. I always envied Cin for having this when I lived here. That’s what I feel like I don’t deserve after bringing Gilbert into their lives. I thought he was going to give me this and hedidn’t.” The scored sensation behind her sternum deepened. “He showed me why I couldn’t have it.”
“Do you still love him?” Tension entered his body, as though bracing for a blow.
“No.” The irony was she had hated Gilbert for so long, she couldn’t remember why she had thought she loved him. He’dbeen a master at witty observations and charming compliments. He had claimed to want what she wanted—travel and a concentration on career, then a family. It had all been a lie, though. He hadn’t even been good in bed! Not like…
Don’t. The fact that Joaquin gave her orgasms didn’t mean she ought to fall for him.Don’t fall in love again, she warned herself, but the layers of her defenses were peeling away like broken eggshells. Joaquin wasn’t even trying to get under her skin! He was only being himself: honest and honorable and protective. Holding her when she was upset. He didn’t see through her. Hesawher.
It was deeply perturbing, not because she didn’t feel safe with him, but because she did. What if she was setting herself up for another grave disappointment?
The more time she spent with him, however, the more her turmoiled emotions around Gilbert became flaky remnants she was happy to discard. Letting go of her hurt and anger and guilt made room for this: for Joaquin and the things she felt for him that were already far stronger and sweeter and hotter and more enduring than she’d felt for anyone else ever.
She was falling in love with him, she realized with a lurch in her heart. And she wanted him to love her back.
Was it even possible for him to love, though? Was it possible for him to loveher?
The yearning in her was so strong, she could only stare at the tab on his quarter-zip pullover, trying to hold back the burst of emotion that was threatening to crest again and spill over in fresh tears.
“You were young, Siobhan. You made a mistake. We all do that.” He smoothed her hair and pressed it against her skin as he tucked his hand against her neck. “But the way you’re punishing yourself puts me in an impossible position.”
She frowned up at him. “How?”
“I won’t tolerate anyone being cruel to the mother of my child.” His thumb caressed the edge of her jaw. “So I must insist you set your anger aside,cariño. Be kind to yourself.”
“Or you’ll do what?” she asked on a chuckle of reluctant humor.
“Distract you. Coax you into a better mood.” He dipped his head to graze a light kiss against her lips. “Remind you that you deserve to be treated well.”
A spark of sensuality flew directly into her center and began to burn. Hewasdistracting her. He was making her feel cossetted and appreciated and understood. He was making her feelhope.
And maybe, just maybe, she was lucky that Gilbert had disappointed her so badly. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be here in this moment with this man. Maybe fate really had had a plan.
That thought was a jostling turn of a kaleidoscope, rearranging all her dark, jagged thoughts into new, colorful patterns. Something that dazzled.
