Eventually, my need to pee overcomes my contentment, and I slide out of bed. When I come back, Sadie is propped up on her elbows, blinking, eyes bleary, hair a tangled mess. The smile that appears when she sees me fills my heart, and I take a moment to admire the beauty of the view.
“What?” she asks, voice husky.
“Just appreciating how beautiful you are. How lucky I am.”
Fluffing the pillows up against the headboard, I climb back into bed and pull Sadie to my chest. I want to tell her about my conversation with Mum. Because she was right about the heart growing. And about me experiencing it for myself.
“A few days before I flew to Egypt, Will and Freyja had a naming ceremony for Theo and Cora,” I start. I don’t need to tell her how painful that could’ve been for me. She knows. She also doesn’t need to ask if I went. She knows that too.
“Were you okay?” Her hand comes up and covers my heart.
“I didn’t think I would be. But I needed to go. Because I knew I couldn’t keep running like I had been.”
Sadie is silent, waiting for me to continue.
“The night before the ceremony, when I arrived, I decided to go to the meadow and try to make some peace with it. I took Ben’s baby, Andrea, with me.”
Sadie looks up from my chest, one eyebrow quirked.
“He’s surprisingly good company. For a baby. I think he’s going to be a lot like Ben. Anyway, Mum came looking for me,and we had a good talk. I told her what you said about erasing Jessie.”
“Oh, no. She must hate me.” Sadie covers her face with the hand that was gently stroking my chest. I take her wrist and put it back where it was.
“She agreed with you. She also said something that’s been going around in my head ever since. She said the heart expands to make room for new love. She was talking about children, but she meant you. She meant that loving you wouldn’t in any way lessen my love for Jessie. And neither would it be a lesser love. They can coexist. Different, but just as strong as one another. There’s room for you both.”
“Oh.” Sadie’s voice is no more than a watery whimper. Her tears tickle as they leak onto my chest.
“I used to think I’d never love anyone as much as I loved Jessie. But Mum was right. I love you just as much. She’ll always be there, beside you in my heart. But my love for her will never diminish my love for you. I need you to know that.”
“I do, Ethan. And I need you to know I never want you to feel you can’t talk to me about Jessie and your life together. She’s one of the people who made you the man you are, and I’m so grateful for her having been in your life.” And she seals her promise with a kiss.
I don’t know what I did in a previous life to deserve not one but two spectacular women. What I do know is when it comes time for the weighing of my heart, it will be as light as a feather if I get to spend the rest of my life with Sadie.
Chapter Fifty
Sadie
I’ve met these people before. I know they’re delightful. So why am I so nervous?
Because last time, I was Sadie, the colleague and student who was on hand to drive Ethan to the birth of his niece and nephew. This time, I’m Sadie, the woman who is already more or less living with their son and brother. Which makes it very different.
Ethan says I’m worrying for nothing. They all saw through what even we didn’t realise at the time was a ruse. Which doesn’t surprise me. Neither does it alleviate the nerves I feel.
Ethan pushes open the door of a large Federation-style house. We’re hit with a cacophony of voices and the paws of an excited golden lab.
“Gertie. Down,” Ethan demands and is ignored while the dog laps at his face before swapping to me.
“Hello, you pretty thing.” I ruffle her ears.
“Oh, they’ve arrived!” I hear from deeper in the house. There’s a beat of silence before the mass of people move into the wide hallway as one.
“Sadie, so nice to see you again.”
“Hey, Sadie. Would you like a drink?”
“Let the girl get in the door first, Harry.”
“Gertie. Come here. I’m so sorry, Sadie.”
