“I’m sorry, Sadie. I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt you for the world. I hope you know that.”
Yeah, I know it. But he did. And while I might forgive, I can’t allow myself to forget.
I don’t give him the courtesy of a response. I need to protect myself.
His reaction was about him, not me. That doesn’t make it any easier to take, though. Nor does it make it any easier to watch a man with so much to offer shut himself off from any feelings at all.
Gah. Pot. Kettle.
Chapter Nineteen
Ethan
After a craptastic drive back to Sydney, I open a bottle of wine and queue up a few zombies to exterminate, waiting for the inevitable call or message. Looks like Ben drew the short straw, which is probably good. He’s the best at this kind of thing.
Ben
Are you okay?
No
Wanna talk about it?
No
I hope you didn’t take your meltdown out on Sadie
Mind your own business
So you did
Piss off
Right. In case you didn’t notice, the family liked her
I noticed
Uh-uh. Anyone who can hold their own with that lot is worth keeping around. I’ll leave you to your wallowing
Sometimes, I wish the family wouldn’t be so nice about the way I’ve behaved. Maybe they’ve been cutting me too much slack, and it’s time they called me on my arseholery and gave me a bit of an ‘it’s time to get it together lecture’.
Regardless, if it is time for me to get my shit together and start fresh, I can’t be doing it with Sadie. Not least because she’s made it clear a relationship with me, or anyone else, is not in her plans. Which is, despite the way I behaved, a damn shame. Because Ben’s right. Anyone who can hold their own with my family is not only a potential keeper, she deserves a medal.
And when she sends me the selfie she took of her and her pigtails with Isla, and one with the person I presume is her flatmate looking jealous, and asks me, politely but coldly, to pass them on to Lulu, I feel like the biggest shitheel in the world.
I don’t see Sadie for a few days after we get back to Sydney. We rescheduled the classes missed during our unexpected trip to thefollowing week, so we’ve both had time to calm down and reflect on our argument by the time we see each other again.
I need to apologise. I was unfair and unreasonable. I don’t want to be at odds with Sadie. And not just because we have to work together. I like her. A lot. Here I am, resolved to do better in my personal relationships, and the first new friend I make, I bugger it up. Yeah, alright, friends is not precisely what we were. But we were friend-adjacent. Sadie is a remarkable human being, and I regret hurting her.
On Monday morning, I get to work early and hover in the carpark. Not exactly lying in wait. But lying in wait.
“Hey, Sadie,” I call as she climbs out of her car. I aim for cheerful and friendly, although I’ve got a feeling it came across as creepy and desperate.
She gives me the kind of look she’s said in the past I’ve perfected. A poker face. Devoid of all emotions. Her voice is level and calm. Or maybe the word I’m searching for is disinterested. Detached. Impersonal. Take your pick.
“Is there something I can help you with, Professor Carter?” Ouch. Battle lines drawn.
I look around the carpark as I approach her. We’re the only ones here right now, but I know people will start arriving in the next twenty minutes or so.
