“Hmm. Uh-uh. I can understand that.” She nods sagely.
I can’t help myself.
“Can you?”
She takes a long time to answer. When she does, it’s not what I anticipate.
“Be patient with Ethan. There’s a lot going on under the surface. Still a lot for him to work out. He’ll be worth it in the end, I expect.” And with that cryptic comment, she saunters off along the street, leaving me wondering what the hell is going on with Ethan and his family.
And with Freyja’s weird friend.
Chapter Fifteen
Ethan
Ifeel like a complete shit.
I’ve been a shit to Sadie. I’ve been a shit to my family. And I’ve been a shit to myself. But I can’t face the wildflower meadow at Mum and Dad’s place. It’s where we finally scattered Jessie’s ashes. Only a few weeks ago.
How can I be there, where she is? How can I stay in that house with the thoughts I’m having about Sadie? The feelings I’m having about Sadie.
I don’t care that it’s two years since Jess passed. It’s only weeks since I laid her to rest. And here I am, feeling things I have no business feeling. For someone I have no business feeling them for. Someone who has made it clear she doesn’t welcome them.
And despite my explanation of why Sadie was there, it was obvious the family were all hoping there was more to it. Because they want me to be happy. And they think Sadie might help with that. I know Ben wouldn’t have said anything about my chat withhim, nor Rosanna. I trust them implicitly. But all that ‘oh, so sorry we can’t take you back to Sydney, Ethan’ crap. Please. I can see right through them.
I lay across the bed and close my eyes as though that will drown out the pinging of my phone. They’ll be wondering where we are. They won’t understand why we’re not at the house. Or worse. They’re probably thinking I wanted to get Sadie alone. Which is not why we’re at the B & B. I sit up and grab my phone. I need to shut this shit down.
Ignoring the family group chat that’s still going off, I open my one-on-one chat with Ben. He’ll get it. And he’ll be able to call everyone off.
Me
Hey, Bee. Staying at the B & B. Nothing is going on. Couldn’t face staying at the house. Hate to put you in the middle, but can you get everyone to stand down?
Ben
No problem. Leave it with me
I’m about to respond when I see the little dots bouncing.
If something’s going on, that’s ok you know. You’re entitled
It’s not like that
Shame. I liked her. So did Ro
Except it is like that. Or it could be if I could get out of my own head. And if she wasn’t a student. And if I wasn’t suchan emotional dumpster fire. So maybe it couldn’t—or at least shouldn't—be like that.
I sign off with the middle finger emoji we’ve all used since we first got mobile phones back in high school. Sure, it’s juvenile. But it’s tradition.
Whatever Ben says to the family works because the messages stop immediately. Leaving me to stew in silence.
I’m about to drag my sorry arse off the bed at five fifty-eight when there’s a knock on the door.
“Hey. I thought you might need a toothbrush and some deodorant.” Sadie holds up the kind of little travel kit you can pick up in the supermarket.
“Oh. Wow. Thanks. That’s very thoughtful.” Ugh. How awkward can a relatively intelligent grown man be?
I toss it on the bed.
