“No. I figured it was a one-night stand. A great one-night stand. But nothing more. I didn’t expect to ever see you again.”
“And yet here we are.”
I nod. “Here we are.”
We’ve reached my car. I open the driver’s door, reach across, and lay my laptop satchel on the passenger seat, then lean between the roof and the top of the door, resting my booted foot on the door sill. Sadie shifts from foot to foot, her worn cowboy-style boots scuffing the damp asphalt, and I wait for her to get whatever it is off her chest.
“You’re right. It was great. Really great.” Her eyes meet mine in the yellow carpark light, and I’m glad I’m braced against the car for the impact. It’s like a physical blow to the solar plexus. Stealing my breath and disrupting my heartbeat. “But that has to be it. Yeah?”
Oh, how I wish I could say no, that’s not it. In my imagination, she’s already on the back seat, boots and jeans discarded. There’s not a lot of light, but I can see from her expression she’s having the same kinds of thoughts. I clear my throat.
“Yes. That has to be it. Especially if we’re not going to tell Jennifer. And you can’t be looking at me that way if we don’t want people asking questions.”
“Yes. No. You’re right. I’m sorry. It might take me a minute to, you know, bleach it from my brain.”
I don’t think there’s enough bleach in the world to erase her or the night we spent together from my brain. Or my boxers. And I don’t want to. I keep that thought, as I have so many others, to myself. Lucky for both of us, I’m practiced at keeping my thoughts to myself, and my emotions off my face.
“Might be best if we try and avoid one another for a bit. You know, give the bleach some time to do its job.” The bad feeling I have about this is expanding. But I also feel I have to respect Sadie’s wishes. Because I hold all the power in this dynamic. The least I can do is give her power over this.
“Good idea. Thanks, Ethan. I appreciate you agreeing to keep this quiet.”
And with that, she’s walking to her car. As I watch her hips sway off into the distance, I feel the regret I was expecting to feel after we fucked on the front verandah of my house. Which is absolutely not the kind of regret I should be feeling.
Chapter Eight
Sadie
Ican’t remember ever walking away from a one-night stand with regret. Until now.
And I can’t remember it ever being important that I do. Until now.
The morning after Ethan and I reach ourFight Clubagreement, I arrive at the university to a message from Jennifer to come and find her when I get in. We need to talk about my PhD. I’m hoping she’ll agree to be my supervisor. My other option, apart from Ethan, is Martin Collins, and not only is he as creepy as fuck, but it’s universally acknowledged he uses his PhD students to do the research he should be doing himself. And often to ghost write the papers published in his name without giving the students any credit.
When I arrive at Jennifer’s office, Ethan is there at the round meeting table in the corner. So much for avoiding each other for the present. At least his expression gives nothing away, even ifmine can’t be trusted. I make a point of choosing a chair that doesn’t face him directly.
“I was thinking about your thesis last night,” Jennifer says, folding her arms on the table in front of her. I swear I hear the music from movies that precedes a disaster. Dah, dah daaaah. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. Ethan would be the perfect supervisor for you. The Eighteenth Dynasty is his area of speciality, and his work in Amarna could provide you with some invaluable insights,” she finishes, looking pleased with herself.
In the beat of silence that follows, I can hear Ethan’s thoughts, and I’m sure he can hear mine.
Ethan: Ahhhh, fuck.
Me: Noooo!
“Perhaps Sadie—”
“I’m sure Ethan—” We both start to talk at once. Jennifer laughs.
“One at a time.”
Ethan indicates by a tilt of his head that I should go first.
“That’s a super idea, but I’m sure Ethan will have way too much on his plate to supervise me. What with settling in and prepping for the next season at Amarna.” I look pleadingly at Ethan. A look I belatedly realise Jennifer takes as a plea for his agreement to supervise me.
“Not at all. Although Sadie might prefer a familiar face. The relationship with your supervisor is so important. I’m sure she’d be happier with you, Jennifer. Especially since her thesis is about the role of women. You’ll add a more nuanced perspective.”
Nice argument. That might work.
Jennifer is having none of it.
