“Shit. How did you find out about all that?”
“Mum and Dad were so worked up about lecturing Will that they didn’t notice me sitting in the corner. I can be very still and quiet when I want to be.”
“Well, that’s not even the half of it—” he’s goes to continue, but I cut him off.
“And I know that more than once you took the blame for things that were Will’s idea because you didn’t want him getting into trouble and ruining his chances at a law career. Like when it was his idea to hot wire the headmaster’s car and go for a joy ride. Or the time—”
It’s Josh’s turn to interrupt me. “Yeah, okay. I get it. You know more than you should. And even if some of it was Will’s idea, I was still there, a willing participant, not an innocent bystander. Taking the fall was the least I could do for Will and your parents. The point is, even if you could overlook it, why would your parents let a guy like me anywhere near their princess?”
“Right. Whywouldthey want to see me with a man who stood by their son through thick and thin? Who stepped up when his brother needed him. Who has a brilliant career ahead of him?”
Josh snorts. “You’re missing the point. I’m not long-term relationship material. You only have to look at my parents to see that.”
I know he thinks he’s making a valid point, but in my opinion, it’s misguided.
“I agree; your parents didn’t give you much to work with. But you’re not them. As you’ve proved over and over again. So you know what? Stop selling yourself short.” I’m starting to get frustrated, and I can feel burning behind my eyes. The last thing I want to do is dissolve into tears.
Josh sits up, balancing his forearms on his bent knees. He’s quiet again, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.
“Greer, I don’t want long-term. I never have. But if there was anyone I could imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with, it would be you.” He glances sideways at me, eyes awash with guilt. “But it’s not on the cards for me. And I won’t be changing my mind, so don’t be waiting around on me.”
My heart leaps, then crashes back to earth. He may have said he didn’t want me to wait on him. What I heard was, I’m the one. The problem for him is, maybe I’ve waited long enough.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Josh
Walkingintotheofficeon Monday morning is a bit like walking through a guard of honour. No sooner have I stepped out of the lift than there are people surrounding me, lining up to slap my back, congratulate me and plan celebrations. I had no idea this was such a big deal, and I welcome the distraction from my convoluted thoughts.
On the one hand, I’m feeling blissed out from my time with Greer. From the sex, which has been in short supply since I arrived back in Sydney, but also from spending time together. The walk around the harbour, sitting on the grass and eating lunch. It was fantastic. Until it wasn’t. Until I opened my big mouth and told her how I felt. Pretty sure that’s going to come back and bite me on the arse.
Which brings me to the other point. I’m beginning to understand the phrase ‘suffocating guilt’. It’s an unfamiliar feeling. Now I feel guilt around every significant person in my life. Guilt that I’m lying—even if it is only by omission—to Will. Guilt that I’m betraying the trust of Harry and Stella. Guilt that I’m somehow not doing enough for my brother. But most of all, guilt that I can’t be what Greer wants me to be. Needs me to be.
Which is the worst of all. Because wrapped up in that guilt is regret and a bone-deep melancholy. Huh. There’s another phrase I now understand. ‘This is hurting me more than it’s hurting you’. Because it is. Well, at least as much. Because what I’ve finally got through my thick skull is that a life with Greer would probably make me happy. And in a life full of sad shit, that’s just about the saddest thing to ever happen to me.
I wish I could talk to someone about this. Unfortunately, all the ‘someones’ I have are related to Greer.
When I finally make it to my office, I gather up my notes and laptop and head to the conference room for our Monday morning Work in Progress meeting. Which turns into more of a Celebration in Progress, with pastries and champagne. Hey, this is advertising. Day drinking is still a thing. Although, even in advertising nine am on a Monday is a bit extreme.
After the meeting, I have a smaller team briefing in my office to make sure we’re all up to speed on what’s going on. If we’re going to replicate our success at next year’s awards—and if I have anything to do with it, we are—we can’t afford to drop the ball. By the time my office is clearing out, it’s nearly eleven, and I’m looking forward to an hour of peace before my boss and I take a client to lunch. No rest for the wicked.
I get back from my client lunch to find our department coordinator has added a late meeting to my schedule, with no client details, so I have no idea what it’s about. I groan. Five o’clock meetings are never a good sign.
I’m sitting in the conference room waiting for my mystery meeting when I hear a booming voice I wasn’t expecting.
“Josh, my man,” shouts an enormous man in an electric blue suit and Daffy Duck tie.
“Dude.” I’m up and out of my chair, grabbing him by the side of the head and bumping foreheads with my old friend Rob. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Job interview, man. They’re looking for a creative director in your Singapore office. The MD is in Sydney for a few days and suggested we meet here. Two birds, man.”
Rob is an art director, and we were a team at my London agency. He’s incredibly talented, and a great guy. If we had a job for him here, I would employ him in a heartbeat.
“How long are you staying?”
He laughs. “Just three nights, unfortunately. But imagine the trouble we can get into in seventy-two hours. I got the interview over with this morning, so I’m all yours. Jetlag and all.”
Rob has never been to Sydney before, so I do the right thing and take him to the Opera Bar, where we can sit and drink in the beauty of Sydney Harbour at night, along with our craft beers. I give Will a call, and he turns up with Ethan and Jessie in tow. Predictably, it’s not long before Greer appears too, invited by Jessie, and looking mouth-watering in a sixties-inspired burnt orange and hot pink shift dress and sky-high heels.
