The village GP is old enough to be my grandfather, but kind and knowledgeable. He books an appointment for an ultrasound in Inverness and introduces me to Lydia. My belly is already starting to round out and both of them cluck sceptically when I tell them how pregnant I think I am.
“Och, hen. Are ye sure?” Lydia chuckles when I nod. “Perhaps it’s twins. You’ve quite a belly on you for ten weeks.”
I burst into tears when Da asks me how it went. I’m surprised I’m not dehydrated with all the leaking I’m doing.
“Don’t fret, hen. Your mother was the same. Why, even before she knew she was pregnant with you, her belly was popping.” His eyes go glassy as he says this. It’s the first time Dad has mentioned Mum in years. I want to ask him about her, but the last thing I want to do is upset him any more than coming home pregnant already has. Although, to be fair, he seems more excited than upset.
Rosanna laughs long and loud when I tell her. “That’ll teach you for being so damn irresistible. He got you pregnant twice.”
“It’s not funny, Ro. It’s hard enough to imagine taking care of one baby all on my own, never mind two. And we don’t know if it’s twins—we have to wait for the ultrasound.”
“I’m sorry.” She sounds anything but. “In the meantime, have you come to your senses and decided to talk to Nick yet?”
“No, not yet. I’m still too angry. And confused.” I break off in frustration. “This is not all about him.”
“Oh, believe me, I know. I wish I could say this is not like you, but we both know it’s exactly like you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I should ignore him lying to me?”
“Oh, please,” Rosanna says with a three-exclamation-point sigh. “You can try fooling yourself all you like, but you’re not fooling me. This has nothing to do with the photo or the career plans he didn’t tell you about, other than as a convenient excuse. This is you cutting and running because someone got too close.”
“It’s not.” But even I can hear there’s no conviction in my voice. “Well, not entirely.”
“Three words for you. Grant. Neil. David.” I can picture Ro counting off on her fingers. “I could go on.”
“I’m trying to protect myself, Rosanna. And my baby.”
If you could hear an eye roll, hers would be deafening.
“This is not going away, you know.”
I know she’s right. But this is scary stuff. I’ve gone from being able to walk away from relationships unscathed to a quivering wreck. A quivering wreck with a baby on board.
“I just need a little time to get my head together.” She can hear the tears building in my voice and backs off.
“Okay, okay. I won’t mention him again. So, how is my godchild doing? Still making you sick?”
“Most mornings, yes. But at least now it’s not all day—only first thing in the morning. Once I barf, I’m usually good for the day.”
“Delightful. Precisely what I wanted to hear as I’m eating lunch.”
“How are you and Marco?” I desperately need to talk about something other than me and my problems.
“Ugh. Same, same. Next.”
“Maybe you should take a break—come over and visit me? Getting away might give you some perspective.”
“Scotland in winter? No thanks. Besides, I want to save my holidays and come over when the baby is born, in case.” She leaves the idea I might not return to Australia hanging.
“I miss you so much, Ro. So much. But I can’t be in Sydney right now. And Dad is so excited to be a grandfather. I think it would break his heart if I left.”
“He could always come to Australia for the birth.”
“It’s not so easy for him. He has a lot of responsibility now. He’s in the process of setting up a new distillery, so he’s incredibly busy.”
“Of course. I forget what his life is like since your grandfather died. And you have to do what works for you. I miss you, that’s all.”
A couple of tears escape. “I love you, Ro.”
