“Focus, girls,” shouts our torturer. I mean instructor. “If you’ve got enough breath to talk, you’re not working hard enough.”
We make it to the end of the class. Barely.
“Christ, I hate that class. Remind me again why we do it.” Ro gasps as she lies spreadeagle and sweaty on her towel.
“So we can go to that Mexican place and eat our body weight in nachos.”
“Oh yeah. So, what’s got your face looking like someone stole your favourite handbag?” Rosanna sits up, taking a massive gulp from her water bottle.
I spit out the thought that’s been torturing me all afternoon.
“I have to break it off with Nick.”
“How can you break it off if it isn’t a thing?” Her sarcasm isn’t just biting, it’s mauling. So mauling my eyes fill with tears and all I can do is shake my head.
Watery though she is, I can see the shock on Ro’s face. “What happened, Lu?”
I tell her about his response to inviting him to the exhibition, and what I heard his mother say this morning. Her face is a picture of confusion.
“Umm. Did I miss something?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, this evil mother. Did she mention your name? Did she even say she was talking about a woman? Or an affair? Or a not a thing?”
I think back over the conversation. “Well. No. But it’s obvious she was talking about me. Us.”
“Yeah. Not obvious to me, sweetie. Did you ask him?” Ro is shaking her head. I can see how exasperated she is with me. But I’m too far gone to reel it back in.
“No. I legged it out of there, and I turned my phone off. I can’t talk to him right now. Not until I work out what to do. But I think I have to break it off. Before it’s too late.” And then I’m crying. Bawling, sobbing, ugly crying. In public. This is not who I am, and I’m furious with Nick for putting me in this position. But most of all, I’m furious with myself. I knew an end was inevitable, and not only should I have known better, Idoknow better. I watched my father fall apart after losing my mum. I’ve always vowed it was never going to happen to me. Yet here we are.
“Looks to me like it’s already too late,” Ro says, wrapping me in her still-sweaty arms. She warned me. More than once. Yet I sailed right on in there and broke my own heart. To her credit, there’s not even a hint of ‘I told you so’. She lets me wallow for a few minutes before she hands me a tissue to wipe under my eyes and nose.
“Do you think it’s possible you misunderstood?”
“I don’t see how. She was telling him to sort himself out so they could get back to their plans. It seems pretty clear I’m his bit of fun on the side before he settles down.” I blow my nose and accept another tissue from Rosanna.
“Wow. What are you? Eighty? Bit of fun on the side.” Ro passes me her water bottle for a swig.
“Maybe when he said he didn’t want a relationship, what he meant was he didn’t want one with me.” I sniffle.
“And yet here we are, with you in the middle of what, it is clear to anyone with eyes, is a relationship. Are you sure this isn’t just you being you?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I love you to bits. You know this. But I also know as soon as anyone starts to get close, you find a reason to run. Are you sure that’s not what this is?” Ro smooths my hair back off my face. And cups my cheeks.
“No, it’s not. Well, maybe. A bit. I don’t know. What I do know is I’m not okay being some kind of placeholder, or experiment or, or …” The idea that maybe she’s right sets me off all over again. “I promised myself I would never end up like Dad. And now look. Even if there is an explanation, which I doubt, I have to break it off.”
“Argh. Talk to him. Find out what they were really talking about before you do a mic drop on the whole relationship. Either way, I’m here for you. And you know what? You have much more important things on your plate right now. You need to concentrate on getting your exhibition sorted. You’ve been working towards this for too many years to let some guy mess it up.”
I nod, hiccupping as I mop my face with still more tissues. She’s right. And it is entirely possible they weren’t talking about me. But my reaction speaks volumes. Nick has got too close for comfort. And I realise I’ve left it too late to let him go without a world of hurt. For both of us.
Ro waits till I’m calm again. “So, when are you going to talk to him?”
“Tonight, I guess.” My belly clenches at the thought, but the sooner I do this, the better.
As luck would have it, I don’t get to follow through on my plans because when I turn my phone on again, I find a message from Nick saying he’s been called to some urgent client meetings in Melbourne and will be away for three or four days. I can’t do this over the phone. It will have to wait. In the meantime, I decide to spend as much time as possible in the office, trying to get ahead of the work there so that when he comes back I don’t have to be there as much.
