“Hmm. Well, you know I’m not behind the whole politics plan anyway. That was Dad’s dream for you, not yours. But back to the point at hand. So, maybe apologise for the way you handled things after. And don’t be an arse about the redecorating. If she did a good job, be gracious and tell her so. And if you happen to trip and land with your pee pee in her vajayjay again, no harm done. Let’s order.” It seems so simple when she says it.
I order a burger and fries to soak up the hangover and, as I start to tuck in, Claire returns to our original conversation.
“So why is this woman so irritating?”
“Ugh. Well, she’s perky. Always laughing and smiling. You know how I feel about perky.”
“Yes, terrible crime against humanity to be happy …”
“And she’s an artist. She wears outlandish clothes and always has paint stains on her hands.”
Claire mimics Munch’sThe Scream“Oh no. The horror.”
“And she’s all alternative. Drinks chai. Wears crystal jewellery. Takes her shoes off in the office. She has a stud in her nose, for Christ’s sake. And a belly ring.”
“Wow. She sounds terrible. I wonder how you managed to fuck her at all.”
“Well, okay. She is very beautiful when you get past everything else.”
Claire gazes over my shoulder. “Hmm. Sounds to me like maybe whatever you’re feeling for her might be making you uncomfortable. Oh look, here come Will and Ben.” She grins knowingly, and I shudder to think what’s about to come out of her mouth.
“Will, take a seat. How are you?” She manages to ignore Ben completely. I think they had an almost-thing once, and they’ve been wary of each other since. “Nick’s been telling me you’re having your office redecorated. How exciting.”
Will is, as ever, clueless about where Claire is headed with this. “Good to see you, Claire.” Will kisses her cheek and settles into the chair next to her. “Yeah. We got the proposal yesterday. Lulu, the designer, did a great job.”
“Lulu, huh? Is she nice?” Claire grins at me over the rim of her glass, waggling her eyebrows, prompting me to give her a tap on the ankle with my foot under the cover of the table.
“Yeah. She’s very talented. And funny. And gorgeous. Although I’m sure Nick has filled you in.”
“Oh yeah, Nick has filled me in, alright. Sounds like you’ve got a little crush going on there?”
“Pretty much every guy in the office has a crush. Except Nick, of course. They don’t seem to get along. She’s very different from Eleanor, I guess.”
Understatement of the year.
Claire is having trouble keeping a straight face. “Yes, sounds like she is. I’m looking forward to seeing the finished product. And meeting … Lulu, was it?”
Did I say Claire sees things clearly? I take it back. She’s crazy. I have no idea why I turned to her for advice, because I’m never going to hear the end of this now.
Thankfully, the conversation moves on, Josh joins us, and by the time we get up to prepare the boats for the race I feel at least a little less hung over.
“I can’t wait to meet Lulu. She sounds great,” Claire whispers in my ear as she kisses me goodbye. “Maybe I’ll call in to the office sometime soon.” And with a cheeky grin, she heads off to cause mischief somewhere else.
Chapter Ten
Lulu
RoandImakea good pair when we meet on Saturday morning at our favourite café, where the décor is dingy and could be described as early Dame Edna, but the pastries are to die for and the hollandaise sauce next level.
She’s hung-over and I’m … well, I don’t honestly know what I am. Is an orgasm hang-over a thing? I eventually got maybe two hours’ sleep, and I feel wrung out like a limp rag this morning. Not to mention sore in all the very best ways. And low-level concerned about the lack of a condom. Although Nick doesn’t seem like the type to be carrying anything nasty around. I hope.
“Honestly, Lu, I think you just need to brazen it out when you see him. He’ll be as uncomfortable as you—more even, since he was the one who acted like a jerk.” Ro still has her sunglasses on, despite the fact she chose a table in the darkest corner of the café.
“It’s not nice to hear someone regrets fucking you.”
“Well, to be fair, it doesn’t sound like he regrets fucking you per se. It’s more like he regrets that having fucked you, things will be awkward. Which is not the same thing at all.” She signals for a second coffee without even having finished her first.
“I guess so. And it’s not like I have any interest in a relationship with him.”
