“For now. She’s not in the clear, but she’s lucky. While the stab wounds did massive amounts of damage and she lost a lot of blood, they were clean and relatively easy to repair. But the road ahead of us is long, and we don’t know what the destination will look like.”
I suck in a breath and release it through pursed lips, trying to dispel some of the chaotic energy flaring through me. “Can I see her?”
The doctor nods slowly. “You can. I’d prefer to keep it at just two visitors for now. And unfortunately, you can’t staylong. Hopefully, later today, we can move her to the ICU, and visitation will be a little more open.”
As I turn to find Ella, her fingers are pressed to her quivering lips, tears flowing down her cheeks in shiny rivers. “I know she’d want you to be there with her, Ella.”
She sniffs. “Thank you, Ian.”
Ella and I follow the doctor to a dim room filled with only the sounds of the machines keeping half of my soul alive.
“Oh my god,” Ella cries out under her breath.
Maggie’s skin is ashy. She looks so fragile under the sheet in the harsh light. Her stillness has me fighting nausea. Images of her covered in blood and the sound of her confessing her love for me with what she feared were her last breaths play on loop in my mind.
We cautiously approach the bed, each taking a side.
Ella grips Maggie’s hand. She sniffs back her emotions. “Maggie, I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. Please pull through. We need you here. Please.”
I stand back, observing. For a reason I don’t think I could explain if I tried, I’m scared to touch her. Scared to get too close. Even with every cell in my body screaming that by Maggie’s side is where I belong.
Ella continues to say comforting and encouraging words to Maggie before turning toward me. “I want you to have some time with her by yourself. Unless you need me to stay with you.”
I force a smile. “I’m okay. You can go back.”
She circles the bed and pats my arm. With her hand still on my arm, she peeks back over her shoulder to the love of my life lying lifeless in the sterile hospital bed. Ella looks back at me. “She’s going to be fine.”
I focus back on Maggie. “I need that to be true. I can’t do this now that I know what life is like with her in it.”
Another sniffle comes from beside me. “You’re a good man, Ian. Go to her. She needs you, too.”
With that, I’m alone with Maggie. I drag the chair across the floor and get it as close to the bed as I can. My chest aches as I clasp Maggie’s hand in mine. My stomach flips when her cool, clammy skin touches mine. I trace a circle on the back of her hand with my thumb.
“I don’t really know how to do this. But, I guess, first, I want to apologize. I failed you. I had two jobs. To love you and to keep you safe. I’m not sure I was successful at either of them, certainly not the second.”
My eyes move from her hand to her face. Even with the paleness, she’s breathtaking. She appears peaceful. Like she wasn’t violently attacked and almost killed less than twelve hours ago.
“If I do nothing else for you, Maggie, I swear on my life, I’ll make these fucking pieces of scum pay for what they did to you.” I close my eyes and inhale before standing. With my hand still on hers, I bend over and smooth the hair back from her face as I confess, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Even when we weren’t together, you managed to make me a better man. I love you so much and will love you until I take my last breath.”
As I press my lips to her forehead, my tears drip onto her skin. I jolt when the faintest pressure is put on my hand. I search her face, looking for any signs that she may be awake, knowing how unlikely that is since they have her in a medically induced coma to allow her body time to heal. Her eyelids twitch, but that’s the only movement.
Warring inside me is despair that she didn’t wake up andrelief that she didn’t because I don’t want her to feel the inevitable pain when that time comes.
Giving her one last kiss, I tell her, “I love you so much, Maggie. Please come back to me.”
I wait, hoping to feel her again, but when I don’t, and I force myself to leave her.
I stalk out of the room and back to the main hallway. Pulling out my phone once again, I scroll through my contacts until I find the one I need. I connect the call, each ring further ratcheting up my resolve of what I have to do.
“Well, I’ll be fucking damned. I didn’t know if I’d ever hear from your punk ass again.”
“Beckett, you still a skip tracer with questionable morals?” Beckett and I were in the army together and have only kept in touch sporadically throughout the years since his job keeps him on the road constantly, so he’s rarely in the same place for long. But if anyone can help me right now, it’s him.
Beckett scoffs. “Does a bear shit in the woods?”
A humorless smile pulls up the corners of my lips. “I was hoping that’d be your answer.”
42
