My stomach flips with excitement and trepidation. I don’t want to be away from him, and yet, I can’t deny the fear that I’m once again making a terrible decision that will have detrimental impacts on my life. I hate that I’m finding myself in a place that has me stuck between two impossible decisions. Being without Ian seems almost as incomprehensible as being with him, knowing the consequences that could come of that.
Right now, I just need to take this day by day. Who knows? Maybe Ian will decide he doesn’t actually forgive me and break things off with me himself. While I know I’d deserve it, my heart feels like it’s being ripped from my chest at the thought.
I swallow down the feelings clashing in my body, knowing the only thing that’ll make this better is that Ian knows how much I care about him, regardless of how our relationship progresses.
“Another round, ladies?”Our waiter claps his hands as he approaches our table, his voice excessively bright and cheery.
We all smile at each other and nod enthusiastically. Jack and Ella ended up giving me a ride so that I didn’t have to worry about it. Jack said he would pick us up, and Nate is coming back for Olive. I’m sad that I didn’t ask Ian to drive me, even though he told me he would. But I don’t know if Jack knows we reconnected, and I don’t want to tell him before Ian is ready. Besides, it’s not exactly like we have a label for what we are. I’m certainly not going to let it slip to his friends that we hooked up.
Before the waiter leaves, Olive asks him some questions about the desserts. While they’re talking, I check my phone. My stomach jumps when I see a text from Ian.
Ian: Beautiful, I hope you’re having a fun night.
My cheeks heat as I bite my lip to hold back my smile.
“What’s happening over there?” Ella’s voice has my hand dropping to my lap and my head popping up.
“Oh, nothing, really.” I try to act as nonchalant as possible.
She gives me a knowing smile. “Uh huh, sure it’s nothing.”
Olive leans across the table, her eyes wide with excitement. “Oh my goodness, yes. Is it Ian?”
I press my palms to my cheeks as they heat even more, laughing through my discomfort. I should’ve known this would come up after the Fourth of July party.
“If I tell you, can you promise not to tell Jack and Nate?”
“No,” they both say in unison, and we all laugh.
“I just want Ian to be able to tell them in his own time,” I explain.
Ella glances at Olive, and they share a look. When Ella looks back at me, she nods. “Fair enough. We’ll give Ian enough time to tell them himself. Knowing them, it won’t be long.”
Olive agrees quickly. “Yeah, though I wonder about Ian. He’s so quiet and broody.” She levels her stare at me. “So…I don’t know the backstory. Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“Technically, I don’t know the backstory either. I’ve been patient long enough. Time to spill all your dirty little secrets.”
I swallow hard, wishing I could truly spill all my secrets, but it’s a relief to at least get to share this. “Well, last year, I met Ian at a bar.” I hesitate before continuing. I’m not ashamed of sleeping with someone the first night I meet them, and I don’t think Ella would judge me, but I haven’t known Olive for very long. I decide to just go for it. “And we slept together that night.”
The nervousness leaves me when both their faces break into wide grins.
“Good for both of you,” Ella says approvingly.
I smile back. “It was amazing, and we spent almost every night together for a month.”
Ella’s mouth pops open in surprise. “A month? What the hell happened?”
Pressing my lips together, I inhale deeply through my nose. “I, uh, got scared. And I said some things that I regret. After that, I didn’t see him again until that night at Jack’s.”
Olive, sensing my distress, reaches across the table andsqueezes my forearm. “We all do things in relationships that we regret. No one’s perfect.”
“Thank you.” The knot in my stomach loosens. “I’m glad I got to apologize to him last night.”
“Wait, so what happened last night?” Ella asks.
“Uh, well, at your party, he asked me out. So, we went to dinner last night.”
Olive wags her eyebrows at me. “Just dinner?”
