He leans forward, a sympathetic smile tugging on my heart. “Olive, I know you want to deny it, but every interaction I’ve had with that man tells me he’s very much into you. And you. You, my love, get this look in your eyes that I’ve never seen.”
I sip my water, not wanting to acknowledge that he could be right. At least about my feelings. I can’t speak for Nate, but when I think about him, my stomach does some very annoying fluttering somersaults. It feels different with him than anyone before. It makes my barriers weak and myheart light. But fear holds me back. It strangles me when I start to get too happy or excited.
Despite that, there’s a part of me that gets stronger every day that’s tired of living like that. Tired of being scared and never being brave enough to actually try to have the life I have always dreamed of because I was too occupied caring for Benny. I would be foolish to deny that something about Nate inspires me to change. And that’s a little scary in and of itself.
Both of our stares move to my phone when it vibrates on the table.
“You should check that,” Cade says with a teasing lilt.
I give another huff of annoyance but pick up my phone.
Nate: Please let me know when you’re home safe.
Stupid, annoying somersaults.
Cade raises his eyebrows in question.
“It’s nothing,” I lie. It actually feels like a lot.
I’m spared from further grilling for a few moments when the waitress arrives with our drinks and takes our food orders. After she leaves, Cade levels his assessing stare at me once more.
“I’ll let the discussion about Nate end. For now. But I have another question for you.” His eyes turn sympathetic. “How’s Benny doing?”
I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. When I open them, Cade is watching me, kindness and concern lining his features. “I don’t know how he is, Cade.” I shake my head sadly. “He’s in rehab, thankfully. But just today, he told me he doesn’t want to stay.”
“Doesn’t want to stay? What does he want to do instead?”
“He wants to do an outpatient program. He doesn’t want to stay in the inpatient facility anymore.”
“And what do you think?”
I rub my chest over my heart to help ease the ache, partially for my brother and partially for myself. I’m not even sure words could adequately explain how I feel to my best friend. “I think that I don’t know what else to do. We’ve been down this road so many times.” I sniff back my emotion. “I really thought this time would be different, Cade.”
Reaching over the table, he gives a comforting grip on my forearm. “I’m so sorry, Olive. Is there anything I can do to help?”
I swipe a tear that slipped down my cheek. “You’re doing it. I’m so lucky to have you.”
We move on to less emotionally draining topics, and my tense muscles slowly begin to relax as the night progresses. I’ve taken the same approach to friendships that I have to romantic relationships, which is to proceed with caution because, even as a friend, asking them to support me is a heavy burden for many to carry. And when I hold back and don’t open up about Benny or other parts of my life, people have accused me of being closed off and that they can’t get to know me.
But with Cade, he never gave me that option. He barreled into my life and let me know in no uncertain terms that he was going to be my friend, and there was nothing I could do about it. Some may have seen his behavior as pushy, but for me, it was exactly what I needed. Left to my own devices, I would have kept my heavily fortified walls intact, so having him give me no option but to dismantle them solidified the friendship.
A genuine smile lifts my lips as I listen to Cade talkabout his most recent dating failure and a possible reconnection with an ex he’s head over heels for. I laugh along with him, even as my mind wanders back to a certain bodyguard. The easy feeling I have with Cade reminds me of that first night Nate and I spent at dinner together. Besides being insanely attracted to Nate, that wasn’t the reason I agreed to go back to his hotel room with him. Being with him felt so effortless, just like it does with Cade. That alone makes me want to lean into whatever this is with Nate even more. But it also scares me more than anything except the uncertainty with my brother. The closer I let Nate get to me, the more it will hurt when it ends.
But…an annoying part of my brain keeps reminding me that maybe because it feels so different with Nate, heartbreak might not be inevitable.
While Cade orders another round of drinks for us, I glance down at my phone and notice another text notification.
Nate: I’m serious, Olive. I need to know you’re safe.
I don’t want him to worry, so I text back.
Me: I’ll let you know.
I set my phone face down on the table and give Cade my full attention. That’s all my battered and bruised soul can handle tonight.
22
Nate
