Ian gives me a disgruntled look, and I laugh. We both know he can lift much heavier than I can. We switch places after he loads more weight on the bar, and I ask, “Did you get fitted for your suit for the wedding?”
His voice is strained from the effort of his lift. “Yeah, went to get it altered today. Lady doing my measurements was pretty hot.”
“Oh yeah? You ask her out?” I’ve known Ian to have casual and temporary relationships with women. I’ve only ever met one, and that was only by chance, because I happened to show up at the same restaurant they were at. I never saw her again.
“Nah. I don’t have time for that shit right now.”
He shows signs of fatigue, and I grab the bar and help him rack it. As he sits up, I lean my forearms on the bar, asking, “You think you’ll ever get married?”
“Absolutely not,” he answers emphatically as he tightens his wrist straps.
“Why not?” While a little grumpy, Ian is a great guy. One of the best I know. He, of all people, deserves to find someone.
He gives me a grim look. “Men like me aren’t meant for that shit.”
I straighten as he resumes the position, indicating he’s ready for his next set. “That’s fucking stupid. Of course, you are.”
“Nate, can you shut the fuck up about this shit? If I wanted to talk about love and marriage, I would’ve texted Jack,” he basically growls as he labors to lift the heavy weight.
I sigh but keep my mouth shut.
2
Olive
“Are you sure you are going to be okay?” I ask my brother for the thousandth time in about thirty minutes.
“Yes, Olive. Stop. We both know you need to take this job.” Benny, my younger brother, takes a seat on my bed as I pack.
“Did you tell James that I’m leaving?” I call out as I return to my closet to grab more clothes. James is Benny’s sponsor. He’s the most patient and caring man I’ve ever met and has been in recovery for almost as long as Benny has been alive.
Benny’s exasperated look doesn’t faze me. “Yes, I did tell him. Will you please stop worrying?”
I stop folding my clothes and take a moment to really look at my brother. He’s almost a half-foot taller than my 5’6” and about forty pounds lighter. I am on the curvier side,but the drugs have taken a toll on his weight. He’s gained some back in the last couple of months, but is still much too skinny for my comfort. My hair is jet black and straight, and his is wavy and golden brown. We joke that he’s the mailman’s kid because we look so different, and knowing our mother, that probably isn’t a stretch. It makes me happy to see the color in his cheeks is bright and healthy. He’s finally lost his pallor from when he was barely getting by.
Benny has been struggling with drug addiction for the last eight years. He is fresh out of a thirty-day stay at a local rehab facility. I was nervous about leaving him when I received a call last week about a country singer who’d be going on tour and required a flight attendant.
After multiple long, emotional conversions, Benny and I decided it was time for him to be on his own and for me to go back to work. Despite agreeing, I’m still scared not to be with him, but I know I need to allow him the opportunity to prove to himself that he can stay sober without me hovering.
No matter how good everything is going right now, we’ve been here before. Multiple times. I’ve done everything to help him get and stay sober. But his demons are always lurking.
Which is always the thought that stops me whenever I get too hopeful. My breath catches when I think about the darker times we’ve faced. It’s just the two of us. Our dad left when we were very young, and our mom has her own addiction issues in addition to being an awful mother. The second we were both eighteen, we left her in the shitty apartment we were living in and never looked back.
Benny is all I have.
I continue packing, and we chat about less emotional topics. I convince myself to focus on the positive, that heseems to be in good spirits and optimistic about his future. I can’t force him to stay sober, but I want to believe this really is it, and we won’t ever go back.
When Benny leaves my room to retrieve the food we ordered, I pick up my phone. A text from my friend and fellow flight attendant, Cade Wheeler, is waiting for me. The fact that he’ll be working with me for this tour helps me not dread returning to work as much as I usually would.
Cade: Bitch! I’m so glad you’re going to be with me! We’re going to have so much long-overdue fun! You need it!
I smile. Cade and I have worked together for the past seven years. He’s supported me through all the ups and downs of Benny’s addiction and my life in general. Cade’s energetic personality never fails to boost my spirits, and we have the best time together, no matter what we’re doing.
Maybe finally going back to work will be good for me.
Me: I’m nervous about getting back at it, but I’m so glad you are going to be with me!
Cade: That’s understandable, babe. But Benny is doing really good, and you need to live your life. I love you and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow! I’ll pick you up at seven.
