Her interest in business and psychology makes her the perfect person to spend countless hours with me. We may not see each other romantically anymore but I still adore her. I often joke around and call her my emotional support human.
“So here’s a list of…” she begins, not yet in tune with my current state.
“Kacy, Kacy.” I say twice as I head to the door.
I didn’t notice it was a habit until she pointed it out some time ago. When I'm anxious, I say her name twice as a warning to leave me alone with whatever puzzle she’s trying to solve.
Her chocolate curls bounce as she snaps her head up and she blinks her big blue eyes a few times to focus on the world outside of her table. Switching gears she kicks off her pumps and steps into her tennis shoes.
“Okay, Cole.” She places the tablet on the table and follows me out of the door. "We're walking.” We’re silent on the elevator until it deposits us on the level with the indoor walking trail. Taking off, I start walking at a faster pace but not too fast to leave her behind. “Talk me through it.”
“I’m starting to think I’m crazy for starting two things at once.”
“Okay, and what is causing the thoughts?”
“It’s been 8 months since I opted not to go with the rapper and although his career is blowing up, I don’t feel regret but wondering if I should. Then I start to wonder if other decisions I’ve made may be questionable.”
“Do you want to ask him?”
I shake my head as we finish our first lap. “Hell no. I don’t like how he deals with personal business.”
The woman I still don’t know flashes in my head, I get a warm feeling that I can’t decipher. More frustration filters into my current state because I still don’t know who she is or how to find her. By the time I remembered to check Adán’s social media, there wasn’t any sign of her. I should have asked for her name.
I’d taken it for granted thinking everyone is easy to find.
“Who do you want to be your spokesperson?” I blink a few times as I realize I’d forgotten about Kacy for a moment.
I want her.
“Um…” I respond, trying to get on task. “I have to look at possible candidates again. I want someone health conscious.”
“Okay so I’ll get you a list of health influencers. What is your worst case scenario?”
“What if both ventures are a big flop? Then I’m broke. What if I am the youngest and the least successful?”
“And how would your family feel about it?”
I slow my steps as I consider her question. “Well, if I had to run back to the corporation, Dad would accept me.”
“So your worst case scenario is quite as scary, is it?”
I stop and turn to look at her. “I don’t want to be a failure.”
Kacy, rubs my bicep with a comforting smile. “An unsuccessful venture doesn’t mean you’re a failure.”
I take a deep breath because I know what’s coming next. The entire reason behind my breakdown in college.
“Repeat after me. I’m not Timothy and Timothy is not me.”
“I’m not TImothy and Timothy isn’t me.”
She nods and moves to the next part. “I’m not Ambrose and Ambrose is not me.”
I pinch my nose as my breathing slows. “I’m not Ambrose and Ambrose is not me.”
Kacy smiles. “Very good. Their paths aren’t yours and yours aren’t theirs. You each are entitled to your own successes. You don’t have to be like them and no one is expecting you to be.”
I pull her into my grateful hug as my emotions level out. She is always good for talking me out of an occasional freak out.
