“Why do you not go out?”
The question surprised him. They’d spoken of their shared enjoyment of solitude, but it seemed his surface answer of preference did not satisfy her.
“Forgive me.” She adjusted in her seat to more fully face him. “It is just that from what I have gathered about your years as a youth, you were quite social. Bradley described you as adventurous.”
“I think you mean reckless,” he muttered before taking a large swallow of his rapidly cooling drink.
She ducked her head, and he knew he’d not been wrong about the assumption. Nor had her brother been wrong about his description. Hehadbeen reckless.
Grace seemed to curl in on herself. “I am sorry. You do not have to answer my question if it makes you uncomfortable.”
Her quiet words rankled. Why was she apologizing? He was the one who’d been incredibly foolish.
“No, you deserve to know.” He set down his mug on the small table between them and stared into the popping fire. “Iwasadventurousandreckless. I saw life as a series of games one must play and win, much like chess or lawn bowls. Competitive to a fault, I was easily angered and fell into fits when I lost at anything. As a future baron, however, the other boys humored me for the sake of connection. I became exceedingly proud and thought my views infallible. When my father tried to temper my hedonistic behavior, I rejected the correction, becoming more impulsive and self-serving. Eventually our disagreements came to blows—or rather, I swung at my father and he caught my fist with ease.”
It was his turn to duck his head, still embarrassed at his behavior. He didn’t even remember all the reasons for the argument, but it had been the catalyst in his decision to run away to war… and the reason his best friend had been lured away from a comfortable life.
The tap of her mug on the table drew his gaze up. Compassion, not disgust filled her eyes.
“We all do things we regret.”
A cynical laugh broke through his defenses. “Yes, but usually it does not kill people we care about.”
When she leaned back in her chair, eyes wide, he clamped his mouth shut. Still reckless. If not in action, he certainly had been with his words.
What would she do now? Quickly excuse herself and retreat to her room in fear? Castigate him for being overly dramatic? Or worse, say nothing at all but be gone by morning.
To his surprise, she relaxed, reached for her mug, and settled deeper into her chair. “I am ready.”
His brow pinched and his nose scrunched. He’d basically admitted to being a murderer.
A tiny smile graced her plump, bow-shaped lips. “It is Christmas Eve after all. What better way to spend it than by hearing a chilling tale?”
“This is no ghost story. The people in it are real and the events are gruesome. I could never tell a woman about such horrors.”
She sobered. “Then don’t think of me as a woman. Think of me as your friend, one who has come to lend an ear to a tale you’ve probably needed to divest from your soul for quite some time.”
He blinked a time or two, wondering what sort of potion she’d laced his drink with because he was seriously contemplating breaking his silence.
Glancing over his shoulder, he peeked at the door, still slightly ajar. They’d only been in the room a few minutes and everyone in his home could be trusted not to misconstrue their time alone as more than a meeting between friends. But did he trust himself to spend so much time alone with Grace?
What’s more, if he shared such personal experiences, would that be his heart’s undoing? He was already overwhelmingly drawn to her. Wouldn’t sharing something so vulnerable make it harder to step aside when the time came to let her go?
What if he didn’t let her go?
He closed his eyes. Magical pictures of future Christmases danced behind his lids. Then the fire popped and his eyes flew open, hands shaking.
No. He had to let her go. No woman deserved to be tied to a madman, one who might hurt her as he obviously had in the drawing room.
He rubbed his hands together. “How is your wrist?”
She frowned. “Fine.”
“Are you certain?”
“I should be. I am connected to it, after all.”
Her sarcastic remark made him smile. She was rarely contrary, but he found he liked it.
