“Either way. You can bow out if you need to,” Leo shoots a look toward Edward, who’s listening in.
He gives a curt nod, his lips twisted in a frown. Looking down at the tablet in his hands, he waves me over. “We need to do an ITM,” he whispers, pointing over toward the large windows overlooking some of the water where cameramen and sound guys huddle together.
I head over, taking my place and letting them adjust what they need to as Edward joins them.
“How are you feeling today?” he asks.
I shrug. “I’m feeling like I’m about to meet my future wife,” I smile cockily, putting my best charm to the test.
“What are your biggest fears about this?”
Sucking in my lower lip, I look around the room. The guys are all together, arguing over the legitimacy of Leo’s King of Crab Picking title. My chest tightens.
In a moment of pure vulnerability, I decide to behonest.
“I’m afraid that they won’t accept me,” I tell him simply. Because that’s the biggest thing, isn’t it? Wanting to be accepted.
Being a public figure isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Athletes are torn apart every single week for most of the year as fans and pundits debate whether we’re worth keeping or not. If we’re good at our jobs. If we screw up even once, there are thousands of fans who have claimed to love us, bought our jerseys, and sing our praises, who suddenly turn on us, saying they never liked us anyway. That we’re washed up. That we should just retire.
There are journalists who dig into our personal lives. Who would do anything for a sensational story.
And I’m giving them one. I’m fully aware of that. Broadcasters have already picked up on the fact that there will be multiple shows filming teams this season, and specifically, one filmingme.I’ve been called an idiot for doing this during the season—a fact that Coach agreed with, leaving a few screenshots for me in the locker room—and I can see why. But it’s no different than the other TV shows that film the guys and their home lives, right?
I guess they’re not putting their emotions on the line. But jokes on them. I know I’m going to be just fine.
If this woman is from here, there’s a very large chance she knows who I am. What I do for work. Who my friends are. There’s a large chance that she already has opinions about me.
There’s a chance she has an opinion about everyone in my life. The people I’ve surrounded myself with and call family.
She could know half the people I’ve been spotted with. She could havea lotof opinions aboutthat.
And maybe she doesn’t. But if she has a family, maybe they do. Maybe her dad is a Pittsburgh fan.
I shudder at the thought.
“Yeah. I think my only real fear is that she doesn’t acceptme.”Me now, or the person I want to be.I want to feel like I can let my guard down around her.
I’ve felt like that before.
And I’ve desperately looked for it in someone else. I never found it.
“Who do you think is going to walk down that aisle to you?” Edward asks, a slight sparkle in his eye that I don’t think I’ve seen before.
I smile. A true one. Genuine. One of those smiles that you can feel in your heart as it hums. “I’m not sure!” I admit. “I just hope they like football.” I wink at the camera.
Football. Burgers on the grill with Old Bay fries. My hometown. The scar I have from stepping on a knife buried in the sand at home when I was a teenager, which took me out of football for a bit. The tattoos I decided to get on a whim, only a few weeks ago, because I just wanted a distraction from everything. They sounded like a great idea in the moment.
I keep smiling until I can’t keep it up.
The guys are lined up in front of me, one by one. The large door is closed, and any minute now, I’ll be walking down the pathway to the wedding arch set up by the water. It was just out of sight while we were getting ready, and curiosity is indeed killing the cat.
Except that I’m allergic to cats, and my body is itchy with stress.
Leo glances back at me. Owen does too.
And it occurs to me that no matter how much I wish my grandpa and my mom were here today, I still have family.
I have family that I don’t think I could ever live without.
