“Reminded ofwhat,Cooper?”
I swallow. “I don’t know. I just needed to be reminded that love exists, I think.” Even if it was gone, I needed to be reminded of what once was.
My eyes squeeze shut, and I will all of this to be over. I knew she was going to be upset. I’m so stupid for getting so wrapped up in the moment, I didn’t even think about this.
Her fingers touch the tattoo, and I nearly jump out of my skin, a full-body tremor quaking through me.
Her fingers trace the letters, her eyes glassy, as if lost to the memories of us. Which ones, I’d love to know. I wish I knew.
The silence becomes unbearable.
“Can you say something?” I whisper, willing her to scream at me.
Anything would be better than this.
“I just?—”
And the tears start flowing.
Amara crumples, and I catch her just in time before she hits the floor. I pick her up, holding her in my lap as I sit on the bed. She grasps my neck, her whole body shaking as she sobs.
I don’t say anything to stop it. I know her well enough not to try.
I just rock her, squeezing her to me, and let her cry.
The minutes pass by slowly, and when she’s calming down, her red eyes stare up at me. “I want to know why.”
“Why?”
“I want to know why you stopped talking to me.” Her voice is quiet. Unsure.
“Because you deserved better.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
My head starts swimming, and that familiar sense of confusion starts to settle in. “I tried, Amara. I promise you. But between helping Natalia with Grandpa and trying to meet his expectations with getting into college, and everything in between, it all just spiraled. I wantednothingmore than to talk to you. I wanted nothing more than tohaveyou. But I everything was too much, and I just shut down, and I’m going to hate myself for it forever.” I feel like I can’t think straight. I can’t decipher my thoughts, and my heart is beating out of my chest, and—and?—
“Cooper,” Amara interrupts, and the voices quiet. “I’m here. It’s okay. Just calm down.” She wraps her arms around me, pulling me in tightly.
“I wanted nothing more than to talk to you. I thought about you all the time,” I told her honestly. “And not forcing myself to answer those letters is one of my biggest regrets. By the time I could, you hated me.”
Amara looks into my eyes, grasping my face in both of her hands. “I could never have hated you, Cooper. Not a single day in my life. I didn’t want to talk to you because I knew the second I did, I was going to fall for you all over again.”
Heat swirls in my stomach.
She looks down at my torso. “You really got that tattooed on you?”
I nod, biting my cheek.
When I impulsively decided to get my sleeve done, I also decided to add another little thing.
I took Amara’s first letter she sent me to the tattoo parlor, having them trace her handwriting.
When I see you, I see home.
At that time, I was only seeing her in passing. At Lulu’s, or at events she attended with the other girls.
It always hurt. Every single time.
