‘Itisreal. Maybe it’s magic as well, but those aren’t mutually exclusive.’
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him and say what came next.
‘Maybe we shouldn’t decide anything now. Maybe we… keep things open-ended. See what happens when we’re back in our actual lives. Text, talk, whatever feels natural. No big declarations. No promises.’
He stilled.
Not angry, but quiet. Like he was assessing the gap I was hammering between us.
Panic crawled up my spine.
Then he exhaled and pressed his forehead against mine.
‘Open-ended,’ he repeated. His lips brushed mine. ‘Alright. If that’s what you want, I’ll take it.’
‘It’s what’s sensible,’ I confirmed.
‘Sensible,’ he echoed. It sounded bitter in his mouth. After a long moment, he mustered a small, careful smile.
‘I suppose I can try sensible. For now.’
A tear slipped down my cheek before I even realised it had escaped. I felt like I was making a mistake, but I needed some level of protection around me. I feared that as soon as we weren’tholed up in the same building, any cracks would expand into gulfs, and I’d be the one who toppled in. Henry could have any woman he wanted at the drop of a hat.
Henry caught my tear with his thumb.
‘But Amanda, just so you know… I’m not done obsessing over you.’
I didn’t know whether I wanted to be the woman he wanted or the woman he needed. But I didn’t believe that both were the same thing.
thirty
HENRY
The January windsliced straight through my coat, my cheeks stinging. It was bollock freezing weather. Our breath ghosted in the air as we stood side-by-side on the platform. Amanda stood with her hands tucked into her pockets, her shoulders hunched against the cold, and those spikes firmly back in place.
She kept staring down the track as if the train might appear and save her from the awkwardness of a goodbye.
I wanted to touch her. To steady her with a hand at her back. My thumb brushing over her jaw. Something to mark that last ten days we’d had weren’t just a fling. But we had already dragged it all out at Bayview. Another kiss would have made it harder, not easier. So I kept my hands shoved deep in my coat pockets, nails curling into my palms.
‘You’ll text when you get there?’ I asked, hating how unsure my voice sounded.
‘Yeah, of course.’ She offered a smile. It was far too polite, nothing like the ones she’d given me when she’d been wrappedaround me in my bed. But her eyes gave her away. They gleamed in the afternoon light, showing the only emotion she couldn’t control with sheer defiance.
Like she might be leaving more behind than she wanted too.
A low rumble through the rails announced her train's approach. She flinched and I felt like someone had torn my guts out through my arsehole.
‘So,’ she said, rocking slightly. ‘This is…’
‘Not the end,’ I said quickly.Too quickly.
God, I was pathetic.
Pathetically in over my head for her. I couldn’t make her stay, but I would convince her that a few hours between us wouldn’t temper my ardour.
She breathed out a shaky laugh. ‘Open-ended. Remember?’
‘Right. Open-ended.’
