“I kissed this girl once, and she's kind of occupied my whole mind since.” He smiles softly. “I haven’t been able to think or look at anybody else.” He reclines again, legs crossed, arm behind his head, pretty smile. “I’m not complaining about it either.”
How does he expect me to survive him? To get over him? To just accept he, what? Met me once and has never been able to get me out of his head like this is a romance movie?
“My question still stands, though. How are you feeling about it?” he asks.
Scared. Angry. Excited. But I can’t say any of that.
“Don’t lie to me, baby. I can see you trying to figure out what you think I want to hear when what I really want to hear is howyoufeel about it.”
I let out a breath from deep within me. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to honestly say how I’m feeling, and that alone is going to make me lose my carefully crafted control.
“Excited?” It comes out as a question.
“Scared,” I add, covering my face with my hands.
“I can see how those two emotions mingle. What do you want from me right now?”
That’s it. I can’t fucking do it. “Asher, I swear on my heart, if you don’t start showing me some damn emotion, I’m going to lose my shit!”
“I’m trying really hardnotto show you any emotion, because ultimately, it’s your decision. I don’t want you to takemeinto consideration.”
“Why?”
He shows me a kindness that nobody has ever shown me, and it’s nerve-wracking. “Because you’re so selfless, you will do whatever you think youshoulddo as opposed to whatever youwantto do.”
I consider him and his words. I’ve thought about everything but this. I’ve thought about what would be best for everyone, not myself. But in an instant, I have no questions in my mind about it. I want this baby. I want this baby withhim. Because this? This is not what I expected from him, but I should’ve known better. “I want this baby.”
He nods.
“But you don’t have to want it. I’m completely?—”
“I want this baby too.”
“Like I’ve made up my mind, and I can do it?—”
“I want this baby too, Hales.”
“And if you want to you can be a part of?—”
“Hailey!” he shouts, startling me. When my eyes meet his, he smiles. “I need you to stop spiraling for a second and hear me out.”
I open my mouth but decide against saying anything. “I stopped. Go ahead.”
“I want this baby too.”
He wants this baby?
“But you live in Alaska.”
He lives in Alaska?Hailey, what are you, twelve?
“We can figure out logistics as we go, but I want this baby too. I want to have this babywithyou.”
I let out a broken sob. The one I was too afraid to let out. The one I’ve been holding deep inside my soul for years. “Good, because I think I want this baby with you too.”
He yawns, and guilt hits me tenfold. “Thank you,” he whispers groggily.
“For what? For getting pregnant on accident and complicating our lives even more?” I wipe away a tear.
