She shakes her head.
“But if not, let’s make this work. Let’s makeuswork.” She turns around, finally. Her cheeks are red, her eyes are glossy, and her lip is bleeding from her biting it. I raise my hand, dip my finger behind her lip, and free it from her teeth.
“What do you say?”
She nods.
“I need more than that, baby. I need you to be sure.”
“If you don’t stop calling me baby, I’m going to cry, and I’m trying hard not to.” I can see her holding back tears, clear as day.
I step forward. “Why?”
“Asher Hunter, did you learn a new question?”
“For fuck’s sake, woman.”
We both shake our heads. She giggles, and a tear falls free. “There it is.”
I bring her into my arms. “Let yourself cry. I’ve got you.”
She breaks into small sobs while whispering incoherent thoughts that sound a lot likeI love youandwe will figure this out.
I really hope we do.
FEBRUARY, 2031
Dear Hailey,
I’m writing this after we just hung up the phone, but I told you I love letters, so I’m going to keep sending them. I told you we would make this work, and I’m trying, baby. I hope you see that. You told me you were afraid of jumping into a long distance relationship but that you were going to be brave and give us a try. I acted all nonchalant like I’m a fearless asshole. It’s a lot easier to write my feelings than say them out loud, so I’m here writing all the things I’m afraid to tell you.
I’m afraid to tell you how many fears I have because you think I’m a fearless water cowboy and I have to live up to my name.
I’m afraid this is all a dream, that I’m going to wake up any time now and you either don’t exist or you will leave me.
I’m afraid to move away from Alaska and leave the one thing I’m good at, but I’m also afraid of asking you to move here and having you hate it because you miss everyone.
I’m afraid you’ll move here either way because that’s who you are as a person. I’m afraid you’ll hate me for it.
I’m afraid I’ll die at sea and leave you alone.
I’m afraid I’ll quit my job so I don’t die at sea, be miserable the rest of my life, and eventually leave you alone anyway.
I’m afraid of loving you the way I do and you breaking my heart.
I’m afraid of not knowing how to love you right because I’ve never been loved. Not the way I know you deserve to be loved, at least.
I’m not afraid of jumping from a helicopter or swimming for hours in frigid waters, but I’m terrified of hurting you. I hope you know that.
With all my love,
Ash
MARCH, , 2031
Dear Asher:
So we were on the phone and I got your letter. I shoved it in the nightstand because you were telling me very naughty things you wanted to do to me. I’ve been a horny mess for weeks, so a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?
