Asher
5
NEW YEARS EVE 2029
when the party’s over by Billie Eilish
Hailey:
“So,are you just going to sit here and look at the door all night?” Emma, my middle sister, says. She’s sitting with her hands over her giant belly instead of dancing, because she’s not trying to scramble the baby’s brain. Those were her words, and I really just think it’s adorable. She’s carrying my niece in there, and she’s taking really good care of her, even if she’s already a little overbearing. She’s worried about me, or so she says, and I feel a certain way about it. Everyone seems to be worrying about me lately, and I’m sick of it.
“What is the alternative, Emma?”
“Gee, I don’t know. Date. Go out. Stop living in this fairytale you’ve formed in your head.”
“Which one?”
“The one where you put your whole life on hold for a guy you get to see once a year at this gala. It’s not healthy, babe,” she replies.
I shake my head and look back to the door. He’s not here. He said he was coming. He said he was going to talk to me, but he didn’t even show.
Emma sighs. “It’s almost midnight, Hailey. He’s not coming,” she deadpans.
I fight back the tears, tears I know will never stop falling if I let them out. All the emotions from the past couple of years will just come pouring out, and I can’t risk it. Not here. Not now. If I’m going to break, it might as well be in private, where I can put myself back together again.
“I know,” I whisper.
She squeezes my shoulders and lets out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
My little empath of a sister, always so in tune with other people’s emotions, but right now, there’s nothing she can do to mend a heart she didn’t break.
“Yeah, me too.”
The countdown begins, and the shrimp drops while I stay with my hopes and dreams in this chair. My empty glass of wine balances in my hand as I look around and realize he not only stood me up, but he broke my heart in half too.
FEBRUARY, 2030
Dear Asher,
You know what’s worse than waiting for you and you never coming? The fact that I miss sending these stupid letters. They became my diary, and I just blurted information out because I knew someone would read them and hopefully send one back.
Never a day in my life have I sent a letter. Never. And then you come along with your damn rules and your damn charm and all your winks and pretty smiles, and you turn my world upside down.
Well, congratulations, Asher. You did it. You turned it, and now you’ve left me in shambles.
I hope this letter pains you to read. I hope it brings you an ounce of the pain you’ve caused me on top of all the shit I’ve gone through. I hope it does.
Hailey
MAY, 2030
Dear Asher,
At this point, I don’t even know why I bother writing to you. Habit, I guess. Annoyance too. Loneliness perhaps.
Life’s gotten better, in case you were wondering. My mom stopped progressing. Well, her symptoms have. She’s not the same as she was before, but she’s not getting worse, and I’m taking that as a win. Finally, life has given me a win.
I’m having the hardest time doing anything outside of work. I got that transfer, so now I do more work, but it’s less emotionally taxing. I read, I listen to music, and that’s it. I sure as hell can’t swim—it reminds me of you. I can’t even go to Amelia Island without thinking about you. I can’t do much without thinking about you, and it’s fucking annoying.
