Think about it.
Okay.
You boil the hell out of it.
With love,
Asher
JUNE, 2029
Dear Asher,
I did it. I put in for a transfer at work. I will be working in a different unit soon. I’m excited at the prospect of having some newfound balance in life and maybe finding a way to love nursing again.
I wish I only had good news to share, but I don’t. My mom has been deteriorating so fast,
Ash, and I don’t know what to do. It’s breaking me, seeing her and my dad so sad. My siblings are all spiraling too, and I’m afraid I won’t be strong enough to keep everyone together anymore.
Livie is struggling too. She and Alex are really going through it right now, and I don’t know how to be there for her.
For the first time in a long time, I’m afraid, and I don’t know what to do. My smile covering how much I’m crumbling inside is coming undone. Fast.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can’t do it. I can’t put on a brave face, I can’t take care of everyone, and I don’t know what to do.
It feels like I can’t breathe, and for the first time in my life, I don’t know how to fix it.
Do you have any advice? Or maybe more of those jokes?
Something.
Anything.
Xo,
Hales
JULY, 2029
Dear Hailey,
It breaks my heart reading how much you’re hurting, how much your family and Livie are hurting. You are all good people; you don’t deserve this, and I’m truly sorry.
At the risk of not giving you the happiness you need right now, let me share something with you. It breaks my heart to read your mom is sick and that you’re all suffering. It means she was a present and involved mom at some point, and I can’t say I ever had that.
My mom got pregnant at fifteen and my dad quit high school to provide for us. Nobody asked them to keep me or to bring me into a world in which I wasn’t wanted, but that didn’t stop them from letting me know every single day. My mom was miserable as a stay at home mom, but at least my dad didn’t give up on the family, so she stayed and did her part. He, well, let’s just say he hated me for stopping him from living his dream. Them living long and miserable lives while families like yours struggle isn’t fair.
Here at sea, I see so much injustice. We almost lost a family recently, and we had to choose who to save first. We saved the kidfirst and went back for the parents, and they almost didn’t make it. While the three of them were in the water, it was obvious the mom wanted us to save the kid and the dad wanted us to save the mom. It was terrifying to see but also beautiful at the same time. Not one of them wanted to be rescued first. They were all putting each other first, and I’ve never seen anything like that until then. Actually, until I met you. Until I saw you around your family.
Do you know why I love swimming so much? Other than being excellent at it? You can’t hear screams underwater. It was the only place I could take space. The only place I could be myself. I could swim until my body gave out. And it felt great. The minute I found out I could help people doing it, I knew what I wanted out of life. I wanted to find a new one doing this.
You have so many people who depend on you, but who takes care of you? Who puts you first? Who wants you to be rescued first? I sure do, and I wish I could make you see that.
Make sure you remember that. You need to save yourself before you can save anyone else, even if it’s hard.
With love,
Asher
