For two seconds, my heart was at a standstill. Hospice meant he wasn’t going to be around for much longer, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.
Water filled my eyes as Coye rubbed my back.
“What? No.” I shook my head.
“River. I can’t fight this anymore, Babygirl. I want to spend the rest of my time here on Earth being comfortable. There is nothing left for me to do but enjoy you all while I can. When it’s my time, it’s my time. There is nothing any of us can do at this point.”
I got up from the couch and threw myself into my father’s arms, as a loud sob shot from my mouth.
He rubbed my back, whispering that it was going to be okay. For a few moments, I just held on to him. With my arms around him, I could feel just how thin he’d gotten.
My father lifted my head with his hands cupping my cheeks. His eyes were wet, but he held his tears back.
“Listen to me. You are strong. I’m so proud of the woman you are and will continue to be. Coye will take care of you.” Hisgaze traveled to Coye, and he slightly nodded his head. “Don’t worry about your brother. You have my blessing, and that is all that matters.” He smiled, then kissed my forehead. He hugged me again, and I rested my head on his chest. He wasn’t upset about me dating Coye, but his declining health overtook any joy I would have initially felt.
It took a minute,but once Pops assured River he would be okay, I was able to get her out of his place. By the time we left, her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“Are you okay with going back to my place?” I asked once we were in the car.
Her head rested against the seat with her eyes closed as tears continued to fall. My baby was going through it, and I hated that there was nothing I could do to help her.
She nodded, so I pulled off toward my house. I knew she wasn’t in the right headspace to talk, so we rode in silence. The only noise was the occasional sniffle from River.
I couldn’t imagine going through what she was. We all knew death had to come one day, but knowing that someone’stime was coming sooner than expected could really fuck with a person. The shit would hurt me as well since he’d been in my life for so long, but I knew I had to be strong for River and Jordan. I needed to check in with him, but after I got River situated. I wasn’t sure if she would be up to eating, but I had some soup I could fix for her just in case. Sometimes when she was too upset, she wouldn’t eat. I had her favorite snacks at my crib, too, so hopefully, she would at least have that.
Once we got to my house, I pulled into the driveway and got out. After helping River out of the car, I got her situated on the couch while I got some shit together for her.
“Do you want to watch TV?”
“No,” she whispered. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and curled herself into a little ball.
“Do you need some water? Are you hungry?” I pulled the cover further over her body, then leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
“No.”
Even though she said no, I would put a bottle of water on the table for her just in case.
“Okay.”
I left her on the couch, then went upstairs to my bathroom to run some bath water for her. I told her pops that I would take care of her. I knew there wasn’t much I could do, but I would do everything in my power to help her feel better for the time being.
When I made it to the bathroom, I started the bath water, then added a lavender bath bomb. I noticed she kept some at her house, so I wanted to have some at mine, and I was glad I did. I had some eucalyptus oil, so I added a little to the water as well. While the tub filled, I lit a couple of candles around the bathroom. I was sure her eyes hurt from the crying, and the bright light in the bathroom probably wouldn’t have helped.
Once the water was close to where I wanted it, I went downstairs and found River in the same spot.
“Baby,” I called as I approached. I didn’t want to startle her in case she was asleep or deep in thought.
She rolled over and looked at me.
“Do you feel like walking upstairs? Or you need me to carry you?”
With all that crying she had done, I knew she probably felt weak. I had no problem carrying her if she needed me to.
“I can walk.”
I removed the cover from her and held my hand out. I led her upstairs to the bathroom. She looked around at the setup, then back at me. Her lips curled into a very small smile, but I was okay with that. I wasn’t expecting her to say anything.
I stood in front of her and pulled her hoodie and shirt over her head. Then I pulled her pants down, placing light kisses along her thighs and legs. It wasn’t sexual, just enough to let her know that I was there.
