As she put the first book back, she chided herself for her unchaste thoughts. She was lewd, and she knew it. She feared she would scandalize her parents and sister, and she would certainly wind up in prayer if Father Adams ever learned of her thoughts. The Anglican priest was stern about fornication and often preached of its dangers. She’d never felt like the sermons meant much until this past month. Two out of the past four Sundays had felt like he spoke to her directly. She also felt guilty that she lusted for her friend’s brother. She’d read the diary more than once, and she knew Kelsey had held conflicting feelings for her brother. She wasn’t certain Kelsey would approve.
Lydia finished shelving the books she’d borrowed before she browsed for ones she hadn’t yet read. She slid the ladder along the rails at the top and middle of the floor to ceiling bookshelves that lined two walls. She often wondered who’d accumulated the magnificent collection. It was clear it had happened over the centuries, but she was curious if one person contributed to it more than others.
“Kels, what should I read next? I’ve gotten through most of what interests me. I don’t wish to read about agriculture or animal husbandry. I’m not interested in any of the husbandry my father keeps pushing me toward. Not one of them appeals to me. Have you seen who’s been by lately? What do you think? None seem right. Ah. Here’s something.”
Lydia pulled out a book she’d never noticed before. She turned it over before looking at the front cover again.
Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World. In Four Parts. By Lemuel Gulliver, First a Surgeon, and then a Captain of Several Ships
Her brow furrowed as she tried to recall if she knew the story, but nothing came to mind. She looked at the other books near it and found ones she’d already read.
“Candideis a little too close to the truth for something satirical. Voltaire is also a bit dry. Mother might forgive me for bringing homeLes Liaisons Dangereuses,but I don’t think Father would. That’s why I read it on the beach. Have you heard of this Gulliver and his travels, Kels? I need something witty after the secrets you told me. I failed you on both accounts. I swore he would pay. Now I discover it was so much worse, and they’re both dead. I never got the justice you deserve. Is that why you’re still here? They’re gone, but you’re not. What am I supposed to do?”
Lydia rested her head against the shelf and closed her eyes. Tears leaked from them, just as they had every day since she’d finished reading Kelsey’s journal. There was much Lydia already knew, but it broke her heart to discover what her best friend had hidden, even from her. There’d been a moment of hurt that Kelsey hadn’t fully confided in her, but she reminded herself they were her secrets to keep but not her secrets to tell. It was Kelsey’s choice what she shared.
A draft wafted around her, making her straighten and look around.
Kelsey?
But it wasn’t her friend she spied. Keith was nearly to her by the time she saw him. He said nothing but pulled her into his arms. She hesitated, but when he eased her head against his chest, she melted. She felt safe for the first time in ages. His physical size shielded her from the world, but his entire presence made her feel untouchable, protected, and cherished. She knew her father would always safeguard her, but Keith’s embrace couldn’t be more different from the paternal ones Will offered.
“Lydia, what’s wrong? What did you mean just now?” Keith held her, but she tried to jerk away. She could have broken free if she tried harder, but as much as she didn’t wish to answer those questions, neither did she want to leave his arms. Every moment of self-denial welled inside her and threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to savor being next to Keith, not answer his inquiries.
“I can’t say, Keith. Please don’t ask it of me. I don’t want to lie.”
“Do you really believe you have to keep secrets from me? Do you believe I would betray you?” It hurt Keith to think she so distrusted him, despite how she leaned into his embrace again. Her actions contradicted her words.
“They aren’t my secrets to tell. She didn’t even tell them to me until after she died.”
“Do you truly believe Kelsey haunts this home?”
“Haunts seems so ominous, but she’s here. I feel like a fool saying it, but I’m certain of it. She is not at rest, and I don’t know how to help her.”
“And you won’t let me help you.”
Lydia tilted her head back to look up at him. Her anguished expression matched his. She swallowed, forcing herself to remain quiet when all she wanted was to divulge everything. She shook her head as more tears streamed down her cheeks. Keith brushed them away with the pad of his thumb. He kissed each cheek, then her forehead. She sighed with her eyes closed.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
“Cry if you need to. Whatever’s happened recently has caused you new grief.”
“I don’t want to be?—”
“Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. I won’t think less of you.” Keith swept her into his arms and walked to the settee before the fire. Despite the spring air, it was still chilly so near the coast. He sat and drew her closer as she settled on his lap. She burrowed her face against his chest and sobbed. He cooed and stroked her back, kissing her forehead and crown until she calmed.
Lydia finally wiped her eyes and sat up. She twisted to look at Keith, his sympathy tearing at her heart. She cupped his jaw and leaned forward, tentative at first. When he didn’t draw away, she initiated the kiss. She waited for him to take the lead, but he only returned the pressure. She grew braver and slid her tongue along his lips. He opened, his tongue drawing hers into his mouth. His hand, at first resting on her shoulder blade, caressed down her back until it cupped her backside. He groaned to feel the ample flesh. Lydia was short of stature but not petite. He relished the feel of her softness and kneaded her buttock. She twisted, shifting onto her hip, allowing both of his hands to grasp her bottom.
Keith knew she felt his length pressed first against her hip and now against her belly. It tempted him to move her, so she straddled him, but he feared the desire to do more. But it wasn’t long before Lydia grew restless, and he knew her frustration.
“I want to touch you, sweetling. I want to bring you pleasure and ease the ache. I won’t do anything you don’t agree to.”
“I’d agree to anything right now. I want to touch you too. I need you to touch me. I understand, but I don’t.” Lydia knew she made little sense, but she knew she was aroused and why. She’d read enough and Sarla had explained it, but she didn’t know what to do to satisfy the need without coupling. She wasn’t prepared for that, even if it was what she wanted now.
“I know, little one.” Keith gathered her tunic and pulled it high enough for his hand to slip underneath. He relished not finding stays beneath her clothes. If she were his wife, he would ban her from ever wearing the blasted contraptions. As he gazed down at the woman staring up at him with such trusting eyes, he realized he wanted a life with her. The thought nipped at him constantly, but he pushed it away. This was the first time he let it take hold, and he doubted it would ever let go.
His hand covered her breast, and he feared he would spill his seed. He’d been with women of all sizes and shapes from various locales, starting in his early twenties on his Grand Tour through to his early thirties as a privateer. He’d gravitated toward the endowed when they flaunted their attributes. But for the first time, he preferred Lydia’s smaller breasts since they fit perfectly in his hand. He felt a wave of possessiveness as he grasped them as though they were his and made for him.
He squeezed with increasing firmness as she arched toward him. He feared he would hurt her, but she tugged at his hair and shook her head as they kissed when he tried to draw his hand away. His free hand slid down the back of her pants and cupped her backside. The silky skin made him wonder if she rubbed oil into her flesh. His little finger grazed along the divide, but she didn’t flinch. However, he couldn’t reach the place he desired. He released her breast and was quick to slip his hand down the front of herchuridar.His fingers ran through the tuft on her mons before they slipped between her legs. His first and third finger brushed her nether lips as his second finger dipped along her seam.
