“Nay. They kenned what he allowed others to do. But nay one kenned that.”
“Greer, I—” Thor’s head fell as he shook it. His ragged breathing filled the chamber, and Greer was certain he cried. When he looked up at her, she recognized all the misery she’d ever felt. It was agonizing to see Thor, a man she’d always believed the strongest and bravest in the land, reduced to guilt and shame. “Will ye let me hold ye?”
She rose, and he sat back. She slid onto his lap, and his arms wrapped around her. They held each other as he sobbed. Her tears had long since run out, except for a trickle here and there. She stroked his hair and cheek, but he snatched her hand away.
“I dinna deserve ye consoling me. Ye are the one who suffered.”
“We both did, Thor. I didna ken ye still cared at all, let alone this deeply. I thought I suffered alone, but it’s obvious now that I didna.”
“Greer, I can never make this right. I can never be good enough for ye after what I did.”
“I dinna agree with that. But why did ye? Why couldnae ye believe me if ye said ye loved me as much as ye claimed?”
“Because I needed a reason why. I needed ma grief to be justified, and someone to blame for what happened that day. I couldnae think straight after being in ma first battle and what happened to Jamie. I didna ken how to deal with all the emotions of battle as well as the emotions of losing someone so close to me. It seemed so clear that ye were to blame for all I thought I lost that day, including losing ye.”
“Ye didna have to lose me.”
“I thought I had because I was so certain ye betrayed me. Until an hour ago, I still thought ye had. Neither of us kens all that happened that day. We have to talk aboot this. We have to ken what we each believed happened.”
Greer rested her head against Thor’s chest as she had years ago. His brawny arms were larger and heavier now than they were when they were still adolescents. But she still felt shielded from the world in his embrace. Even more so now that he was so much larger. She closed her eyes as she recalled those days leading up to the battle.
“Edgar met with Laird Oliphant because both of our clans were feuding with yers. I ken they and the Gunns were the causes, and I ken yer grandfather did what he had to because yer clan is his responsibility. Albert—Da—got a message to Henry, and I arranged to meet Rose. I told her everything I kenned. I told her how Edgar intended to ally with the Oliphants, and they would lead raids on the same night. I told her when it would happen. I kenned Laird Oliphant’s widowed sister was Edgar’s mistress back then. I didna ken that he lied to the clan council every time they met. I hid in the tunnel and listened to his meetings in his solar. He was telling Lady Meredith something entirely different. He was telling her the truth. He suspected a spy in the clan and a traitor on the council. He didna ken I was the one.”
“Ye truly didna ken his battle plan.” Thor winced, remembering how she kept repeating that she hadn’t known.
“Nae until an hour before the raid was to happen. I tried to find ye. I sneaked out of the keep and tried to reach ye in time to tell ye things had changed. I kenned where ye and yer clan camped. It would have been ideal if the plan was as I thought. Instead, it put ye in a net surrounded by Oliphants and Gunns. There were more patrols than I expected, so I couldnae get to ye in time. I had to keep hiding.”
“That’s why ye were outside the walls when yer—when Edgar—launched his attack.”
“I wasna spying on ye, Thor. I was trying to find ye.”
“I couldnae understand how ye werenae safe in the keep unless ye were up to something nefarious. With how fast things happened, I couldnae accept that the seemingly nefarious reasons were to actually help us. It seemed the other way around.”
“I ken. That’s why I tried to explain, but ye wouldnae listen.”
“I didna ken to look for ye, so I had nay idea ye werenae where I thought ye’d be safe. We didna intend to besiege yer keep or even enter it. I believed ye safe in the keep, in yer chamber. We discovered they surrounded us just before dawn. We were trying to move into a new formation when Gunn warriors rode toward us. The battle started so much sooner than I could have imagined. One moment, Grandda, Da, and ma uncles were shouting orders to their men. The next I was trying to keep ma head on ma shoulders. Jamie and I fought near Da and Uncle Alex. We were back-to-back on our steeds, just the way we’d always trained. I could tell Da kept looking at us to be sure we were together and where he could reach us.”
Thor sighed as his eyes closed after staring into the fire. His brow furrowed as his memory transported him back to that day. He felt the fear coursing through him. No matter how he’d trained, how his family warned him about the sounds, smells, and sights of battle, nothing could have prepared him for how muchmoreit was. Everything was more. Everything compounded until it threatened to overwhelm him. The scent of blood, sweat, pish, and human and horse excrement filled his nose, just as it did on every battlefield. He no longer sat with Greer on his lap in his sister’s peaceful home.
“I remember having to dismount, and so did Jamie. We would have been unseated if we tried to stay on horseback. We slapped our horses’ rumps, and they took off for safety. Now we truly were back-to-back. We brushed against each other every time we swung our swords. Kenning he was there gave me the confidence to keep going. I ken it was the same for him. We were both so terrified, but duty to each other and to our clan kept us fighting. I kenned if I gave up, he would die. Yet I did ma damnedest, and he still died.”
Greer kissed his cheek, and this time, he didn’t stop her from grazing her thumb over his cheek. He turned his head and kissed her forehead, returning her affection.
“Yer father’s—Edgar’s—second charged toward us. We tried to shift without breaking apart, but he just steered his horse toward us. We stayed together, calling out to each other, trying to maneuver away from him, but the mon was determined. We had nay choice but to separate lest he trampled us both. He watched me, our eyes locking for a brief second before ma gaze shifted to his sword as it swung from his shoulder down, nearly cleaving Jamie in half. He laughed at me. He pointed his sword at me and laughed. He could have killed me just as easily, but he made me watch.”
“Mitchell was a sick bastard. It’s why he and Edgar had been friends, nay just brothers. They shared the same mother, but nae the same father.”
“I killed him three days later.”
“I ken.”
She felt Thor tense beneath her. She leaned away to look at him.
“Was he one of them?”
Greer waited a long moment before she answered. “Does it really matter who they were if they’re already dead?”
“Yes.”
