“I think ye might believe differently now.” Katherine placed her hands on her belly, pulling her kirtle taut. The rounded bump that was hidden only a moment ago was now obvious. Rab stared. It took what felt like forever before he looked up at Katherine’s beaming face.
“I took care to never sire a bastard, but I also kenned there was always a risk. I dinna want a child with that stigma, but I still canna marry ye.” Rab’s tongue seemed to stumble as the words flew forth. Part of his mind railed at him for rejecting his child and the woman who carried his bairn. But a larger part of him refused to relinquish his dream of marrying Catherine when they finally felt so close to realizing it. Even if Catherine hadn’t reentered his life, he knew duty dictated he marry a woman who wasn’t from his village.
“Who is she? Some tart ye met at court?” Katherine’s tone had a bite Rab had never heard before.
“Ye’ve kenned from the beginning that I will marry a woman from another clan. Ma marriage must make an alliance.”
“But what of yer child? Things have changed now that I’m having a bairn.”
“They have, but nae in the way ye’re hoping. I’ll provide for ye and for the bairn. Always.” Rab’s heart pounded as he listened to himself. Something niggled at the back of his mind, which made him continue to refuse Katherine. But a very noisy part of his mind bellowed at him for rejecting Katherine and the bairn.
Am I that selfish that I’m willing to put wanting a life with Catherine ahead of the life of ma bairn? But something isnae right aboot this.
“Katherine, how far along are ye?” Rab watched as Katherine leaned away, as though she might try to move beyond his reach.
“Aboot four moons.”
Rab’s mind scrambled to recollect what happened four moons ago that made him reckless enough to have gotten Katherine pregnant. Nothing came to mind.
“Katherine, I must go. I swear to ye that I’ll provide for our bairn. I’ll acknowledge the bairn as mine, and our child will have every opportunity he or she can as the future laird’s child.”
“Every opportunity that a bastard can have, ye mean.” Katherine’s eyes filled with tears. But Rab recognized a note of desperation that didn’t seem to come from fear for the child’s future.
“We’ll decide more when I return from court for good.”
“What is there to decide, Rab? Ye’re abandoning me, and ye’re abandoning yer child. Never mind that everyone will brand me a whore for carrying yer bairn, but ye’ll ruin his life before he’s even here.”
Rab paused. “Ye believe the bairn is a lad?”
Katherine shrugged. Rab ran his hand through his hair, doubting whether he could walk away from Katherine as cavalierly as he’d planned only moments ago. He was stuck. He feared disappointing Catherine or ending the chance they had for a future. But having an illegitimate child might do that, regardless. He didn’t want Catherine to face a child who was his, but not hers for the rest of her life. He knew the precarious future any illegitimate child had. A daughter would find it difficult to marry, but a son faced harsh treatment among the other warriors. And an illegitimate son would have to watch a younger brother inherit what could have been his.
“Changing yer mind?” Katherine asked as she stepped closer to Rab. In his distraction, he was unprepared for her to press her body against his. He jumped liked a scalded cat.
“I dinna ken. This changes things, and I canna deny that.”
“Stay and we can talk.”
“I canna do that. I must return to Stirling immediately. Things arenae resolved there.” Rab glanced down at Katherine’s belly and nearly reached out to touch the protrusion. As the idea of a child—his child—penetrated deeper into his mind, he grew less certain that he could set Katherine aside. He marveled at the idea that he’d helped create a new life, even if it wasn’t with the woman he wanted. “I will return as soon as I can.”
Rab looked back at Katherine, who watched him as he walked out of the croft. He jogged back toward the forest but stopped short.
Four moons? I was riding the Campbell border for nigh on six sennights. I wasna anywhere near Katherine. That’s what I was trying to work out. Even if she were only three moons, it couldnae be mine. I was riding near the Buchanans, then hunting for a fortnight. What the hell?
Rab turned around and sprinted back to Katherine’s croft. He burst through the door and nearly pitched forward as he took in the scene before him. He hadn’t been away ten minutes, but Katherine hadn’t returned to baking after he left.
“Douglan?” Rab stared at his brother as he scrambled to grab his plaid that lay at the foot of Katherine’s bed. His younger brother rolled from the mattress as Katherine pulled the covers up to her chin. “Ye’re bedding ma leman. Ma own brother.”
Rab turned his attention to Katherine as he stalked forward. He crossed his arms as he glared at her. “That’s his bairn, isnae it?”
Katherine darted her eyes between the men before nodding.
“Rab—”
“Shut yer gob, Douglan,” Rab snapped. “Ye’ve just seen her bare as the day she was born, so ye kenned long before I did that she’s with child. Ye planned to let her pass yer bairn off as mine. Ye planned to let yer bastard be ma heir. Do ye plan to kill me to become laird, then have yer child take the lairdship afterwards? Or were ye merely going to deceive me, Da, Mama, and our entire clan?”
Rab was so stunned that he didn’t realize he’d reverted to calling his parents by his childhood names for them. He stared at the couple, but as the seconds ticked by, he realized he was neither hurt nor angry. He was relieved.
“It wasna like that, Rab. We didna want to hurt ye.” Douglan stepped around the bed and approached Rab with caution.
