How many candles do I need? At least a dozen. I can’t ask for that many. But I could go into town and buy more. Dare I go alone? Of course you do. You’re not a woman fearing a mon accosting her and stealing her virginity. While you don’t swing a sword anymore, you’re still a mon. And a large one at that. You can manage a trip into town without your nursemaids. Get a hold of yourself.
Alex slid from the bed and donned his boots once again. He swept his eyes over the chamber, noticing where he could place candles and how many might fit on each surface. As long as nothing caught fire and burned down the keep, he might get a full night’s sleep.
Don’t go being overly ambitious. A few more hours should suffice. Aught must be better than the three or four I usually get. Even one more hour should make a tremendous difference. I need a satchel and my coin.
Once Alex had what he needed, he felt almost giddy as he left his chamber. The prospect of solving his nightmares gave him renewed hope. If he could put the gruesome images behind him, then he might feel a touch more normal, a touch more like his old self. He made his way to the Great Hall, where he joined his men for the midday meal. They asked if he wished them to accompany him when he explained he was going into town. He declined, and he noticed their skeptical glances, but none naysaid him.
With a slight spring in his step, Alex walked through Stirling. While it was excruciating when people jostled his arm, no one paid him any attention. No one recoiled from his face or stared at his lame arm. They were all too busy going about their business. He found the candlestick maker and slipped into the shop. A distinct scent he would recognize anywhere greeted him. The sweet smell of myrrh didn’t come from the candles. It could only come from one woman in all of Stirling. The woman whose grandfather had once been an Arab fragrance merchant, and whose French mother and Scots sister also wore the exotic scent.
Caitlyn glanced over her shoulder as she heard the door open, and Alex registered her surprise when she recognized him. She dipped her chin and flashed him a brief smile that appeared pained. He was at a loss as to what to do. They were the only customers in the shop. As he browsed, he realized he knew nothing about picking out candles. He’d never considered them, since his mother oversaw such household matters. He was aware there were different kinds of candles, but beyond that, he realized he had no clue what to ask for. He glanced back at Caitlyn, who swiftly turned her attention away. Clenching his jaw, he accepted he needed help.
“Lady Caitlyn, good day,” Alex said as he approached.
“Armstrong,” Caitlyn dipped her head again. She’d never addressed him by his clan’s name before. He couldn’t think of any greater distance she could put between them, short of running to the northern Highlands. He recognized she chafed at his formality and was making a point. One that he realized was almost as painful as his scar when he nicked it with his razor. If she felt how he did, he regretted his decision.
“My lady, I admit I’m at a loss. Would you please help me?” Alex held his breath, feeling humbled and foolish. Caitlyn shifted away from him, and he thought she intended to deny him. He nearly sighed when she turned to face him. But she said nothing, her head canted slightly to the right, as though she were impatient to finish their conversation. “I came to buy a dozen or so candles, but I don’t know what I should ask for or a reasonable price.”
“A dozen?” Caitlyn cocked an eyebrow. “That shall make for enchanting lighting.”
Alex heard the frigid tone that once held mirth. He would disabuse her of the idea that he was creating a love nest for another woman. “I believe it will help me sleep.” He waited for the expected pity. The more Caitlyn learned, Alex believed, the more it was inevitable. Instead, she shrugged.
“Beeswax will be more expensive than tallow, but a dozen tallow candles burning in a single chamber will smell horrid. A pigsty in summer smells better. If you have the coin, I’d purchase tall beeswax ones, but they won’t last more than a couple nights if you plan to burn them the entire time.” Caitlyn offered her advice and turned back to the candles she examined, dismissing Alex. Despite himself, he found he wanted to continue the conversation.
“Which would you pick?” Alex pressed. Caitlyn glanced at him before pointing across the store.
“There are nice ones over there.”
“Caity,” Alex said, certain he sounded like a beggar. He regretted it as hurt, then anger, flashed across Caitlyn’s face.
“I’m Caity when you need something, Alexander?”
“And I’m Alexander when you’re in a snit?”
“In a snit? In that case, good day.” Caitlyn abandoned the candles on the counter before her and spun toward the door, her skirts swirling around her ankles. Alex made to reach for her, but his left arm did nothing. She was gone before his right arm could grasp anything but air. The shop door slammed behind her.
Alex examined the candles Caitlyn abandoned. He smelled one, rosemary and lavender. He recalled that was the scent Collette preferred for the rushes throughout Dunure. It was a sense of comfort he hadn’t had in years. For a moment, he forgot about his adult life and flashed back to a time when he chased Caitlyn and Cairren through the Great Hall with a toad in each hand. He assumed they ran from him until they crossed the bailey and into the stables. Both girls ran through a pile of hay. He was unprepared for them to each snatch a mouse by the tail and stick it in his face. He’d yelped and dropped the toads.
“Can I help you, my lord?” The shopkeeper approached, but he frowned and glanced at the door.
“My lady needed to depart, but I wish to get these candles for her. Do you have a dozen more?”
“You want four-and-ten candles?” The man’s skepticism was obvious. When Alex pulled a pouch that tinkled with coins, the man hurried to count out the additional sticks. He wrapped them in cheese cloth before handing them to Alex in exchange for the money. Alex dropped them into his satchel and thanked the man. When he stepped into the street, he turned toward the castle, but he had no wish to return.
Noise from a nearby tavern drew his attention. He’d never been given to drinking with abandon, but a few drams of whisky tempted him. He arrived at the Merry Widow, surprised at the crowd for the middle of the day. It was a popular place at night, aptly nicknamed the Merry Widow for the women from court who held their assignations there. He recognized no one, which relieved him. A little anonymity suited him as he drowned his sorrows. He found a seat in a dim corner, hoping to not draw attention.
“And what would a fine mon like yourself be having today?” A serving wench with deep cleavage approached him. She leaned forward, and Alex wondered if her breasts might spill loose. They tempted him more than the whisky. The woman’s dark hair reminded him of Caitlyn, and he found his right hand rising to touch it. He caught himself and rested his hand on the table instead.
“What’re you offering?” Alex countered.
“Aught that you like, my lord.” The woman plopped herself onto Alex’s lap and brushed the back of her hand against his cheek. She froze when she felt the rigid scar. He watched her peer closer in the dim light. The puckered skin ran from the corner of his right eye down the center of his cheek to just below his chin. His beard covered half, but unfortunately it wasn’t the worse part. The woman drew her hand back as though she’d touched something filthy. “A bowl of pottage or some whisky?”
Alex nodded to both as the woman scrambled off his lap and hurried toward the kitchen. His pride stung even though he’d received the same reaction from other women. He’d seen his reflection enough times to understand the scar was vicious and angry. The surrounding skin was red while the scar was white in stark contrast. It had relieved him too much that he hadn’t lost his eye to worry about his appearance at first. But it hadn’t taken him long to wish he’d lost both eyes instead.
Another wench, with just as ample a bosom and her skirts hiked up on both sides, approached. Alex sat in such a way that his long legs were to the side of the table to avoid bumping it. The brazen woman straddled his legs and ran her hand down his chest and over his abdomen. He recognized her from several visits ago, and he recalled he’d enjoyed an evening with her. From the seductive smile, Alex was certain she recognized him, too. As she shifted, he felt his cock swell. It had been so long since he’d been with a woman that he felt overly eager when her hand trailed down to cup his rod.
“Mmm. You remember me, don’t you, my lord?” The woman purred as she leaned forward to murmur in Alex’s ear. “I certainly remember you.”
Alex rested his right hand on her waist before sliding it to her bottom. He peered at the woman’s blonde hair and brown eyes. A pang of disappointment surged through him, since it wasn’t the one woman he wanted more than any other. But he’d finally found one after so many months of drought. She was but a mirage when she tried to lift his left hand to place it on her breast. She felt the dead weight and let it go, watching it drop and hang lifeless. Alex squeezed her backside with his good hand, and the women offered him a coy smile.
