“I didn’t want the leeches, but I think you should sweat out any ill humors you might have,” Caitlyn said to Alex, but she spoke to offer an excuse to the men. Alex nodded, once more knowing why Caitlyn said what she did. His right hand caught her wrist, pulling her toward him. His warm breath wafted across the shell of her ear and made her shiver.
“The few moments of you lying beside me were bliss. That memory shall heal me faster than any medicinal.”
“It doesn’t have to only be a memory, Alex,” Caitlyn whispered. But she wished she hadn’t spoken when she watched Alex retreat. Her shoulders slumped, and she shook her head as she rose. She made to carry a chair closer to the bed, but Stephen did it for her. She settled into the chair and rested her head on her fist. “Sleep if you can, Alex. I’ll be here if you need aught.”
Alex watched Caitlyn close her eyes. He sensed she was no more asleep than he was. But he’d shut her out, and now she did the same. They were making a pattern of this, and it made them both miserable. But the night’s attack only firmed Alex’s resolve that he was the worst potential husband for Caitlyn.
Nine
Alex’s heart raced as he sat upright in bed. He felt fresh pain where there had been none since he returned to consciousness six months earlier. His eyes scanned the chamber, but it was dark. The fire burned low, and wind coming in from around the window hanging blew out the candles.
Where am I? Why am I in even more pain than usual?
Alex struggled to breathe as the walls he couldn’t see pressed toward him. He tried to kick his legs free of the sheets but howled as pain tore through his body.
What the fuck happened to me?
Soft hands grasped his shoulder, only increasing his panic. He struck out with his right arm, knocking aside whoever tried to restrain him. A feminine cry as something fell over met Alex’s ears. A door flung open, and light poured in from a torch.
“Leave.” A woman’s authoritative voice rang out. “I’ll tend to him.”
Caity? Where am I?
Alex heard a crash of thunder, and a moment later a sheet of lightning powerful enough to push light around the window hanging illuminated Caitlyn as she rubbed her arm. He realized Caitlyn was the person he’d shoved away, and she’d fallen into the chair.
“Caity?” Alex reached for her, but without the torch or the lightning, he couldn’t glimpse her.
“I’m here, Alex. Wait a moment.”
Alex sensed a shape moving across the chamber, and Caitlyn’s body suddenly appeared when she stepped before the fire. She tossed in three more logs and two blocks of peat. They caught immediately, and the room brightened. She hurried back to his side.
“I shoved you, Caity. I’m sorry.” Alex shuddered, guilt nearly swallowing him whole.
“I know you are. I should have spoken before I approached a warrior in the dark. I know better than that, but I wasn’t thinking,” Alex grunted at the word warrior but left it alone. “Let me check your stitches.”
“Stitches?” Alex reached behind him but felt nothing.
“The other side.” Caitlyn kept her voice low. The same soft hands as a moment ago ran along his back. He felt the slight tug as her fingers brushed his sutures. “You woke in a panic. Were you dreaming?”
“I don’t know,” Alex admitted. “Most likely, but they aren’t dreams. There is naught dreamy aboot them. But I don’t recall what I was thinking aboot. Usually, I do. Usually, it’s still so vivid.”
Thunder rattled the candlestick holders on the bedside tables and made Alex jump. He pulled away as though he could avoid the storm if he leaned far enough. More lightning flashed, and Alex felt himself slipping back into his memories. As the images danced before his eyes, it was the nightmare he’d had when he envisioned Caitlyn on the battlefield. Now, nightmares haunted even his waking moments.
He was running toward her, and this time he reached her before the Scotts. He wrapped his arms around her, shielding her with his larger body. He turned them to run back to where Armstrong guards waited with horses that fled the battlefield.
Alex turned his head in time to catch sight of a Scott charging toward them with his sword raised. Movement on his other side shifted his attention. As another man hurtled toward them, he pushed Caitlyn ahead of him as he raised his sword. But with two men attacking and Caitlyn so close, he couldn’t fend off the men without striking her. He felt the moment each sword severed an arm as though it were actually happening. He felt the arms fall to the ground, and he glanced down at the limbs merely lying there. He raised his eyes in time to watch one man grab Caitlyn’s hair.
Alex tried to move, but mud mired his feet. He dragged himself free as the man pulled Caitlyn with him. But when Alex made to raise his sword, he remembered he had no arms. The man spun Caitlyn around and ran a dirk across her throat as Alex watched, armless and unable to protect her.
“Alex. Alex.” He turned sightless eyes toward Caitlyn’s voice. It was calm, and he didn’t understand how. He tested his arms and found the right one worked as it reached to Caitlyn. She grasped it and brought his palm to her cheek.
“How can I feel a ghost?” Alex’s words were hard to make out.
“I’m not a ghost, Alex. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. But where were you a moment ago? You seemed so far away.” Caitlyn’s voice held a note of concern as Alex focused in her direction, his eyes no longer glazed.
“I was. My mind insisted I stood on that field, and I discovered you there. I couldn’t save you. I can never save you.” Alex’s voice trembled as he tried to pull his hand away. Caitlyn let him, but she climbed onto the bed beside him. Careful not to touch his left arm, she wrapped hers around him. She felt no tears, but the sobs wracked Alex’s enormous body. She said nothing, but she stroked his hair and ran her hand over his back until he went still. She wondered if he’d fallen back to sleep. She tried to ease away, but he spoke. “Stay.”
The single word changed everything for Caitlyn. No longer was she frustrated and hurt by Alex’s rejection. Now determination made her stay. Not only that night, but for the rest of their lives. She accepted she couldn’t cure him of the demons that plagued him or heal his arm. But she was determined to remain his confidante and support. She wasn’t fooling herself into believing she had a simple path. She understood Alex intended to continue to push her away, and she would give him space when he needed it. But she would keep coming back. He might never marry her, and she knew that. However, she would be a shoulder he could always turn to.
