Emelie had never considered what other women experienced when they found themselves in her position. She’d never judged others for their choice to use pennyroyal as a contraceptive or a means to terminate a pregnancy. She never thought it her business, but now that she faced a monumental decision, she felt sympathetic to the faceless and nameless women.
Can I do this? Of course, youcan. But do you want to? Are you willing to? You have what you need. Whether it takes a day or ten, Goody Thomas gave you what she knew you needed. Even if it weren’t a sin—which I hadn’t even thought aboot till now—is this right? Plenty of other women do it. But I’m not other women.
I might not have qualms aboot other women doing it. But I can —
Emelie cried out as she slammed into a wall, or at least what she assumed was a wall. But the set of bricks that surely knocked her backwards had firm hands that grasped her upper arms. As she fought to keep her balance, Emelie dropped the pouch and watched in horror as the pennyroyal spilled on the wood floor. She glanced up to see who she’d collided with and froze with mortification.
“Lady Emelie, are you all right? I beg your pardon,” Dominic said. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“It—it was my fault. I wasn’t looking—” Emelie’s heart pounded such a rapid staccato that she struggled to speak. She hurried to bend down and collect the medicinal, now strewn across the floor. Dominic stooped too but froze when he picked up the first leaf.
“Pennyroyal.”
Emelie locked eyes with Dominic, shocked that he recognized the flower. She couldn’t think of any other man besides the apothecary, and perhaps the king’s physician, who would know what Dominic held. She reached for the petal, but he closed his hand around it. He stared at her, having not moved except to keep her from taking the pennyroyal. Dominic watched Emelie’s face first drain of all color, then grow an even deeper shade of red than when they danced together. He’d recognized the plant with ease. He’d found a pouch like Emelie’s among his dead wife’s belongings. It was the clan’s healer who explained what it was. The woman confessed that Colina had been using it since she arrived at Kilchurn. It had kept not only Dominic, but Colina’s lover, from impregnating her during his three-year marriage.
“Please, may I have it,” Emelie whispered, desperate to flee. She could only imagine what Dominic thought of her. It was obvious the Highlander knew the plant’s use. She didn’t want to face his scorn. She wanted to flee to her chamber. Dominic nodded. His stunned expression said it all. It shocked him to discover Emelie was loose, and it was clear she disappointed him.
“Emelie—” Dominic didn’t know what else to say. The pennyroyal didn’t sit right with him. Nothing about Emelie spoke of a woman who offered her favors freely. There was an innocence and naivete that gave Dominic the impression that she didn’t have much experience with men, inside or outside a bedchamber. “Is someone pressuring you?”
“What?”
“Is a mon pressuring you? Is that why you have this?”
Emelie opened and closed her mouth like a trout. He was far too close to the truth. She couldn’t imagine how he would react if he knew what had already come to pass. “No. No one is pressuring me to do aught.”
Dominic studied Emelie before his eyes darted to her midriff. He straightened to his full height, towering over Emelie by more than a foot. Despite his erect posture, there was nothing imposing about him; at least, Emelie didn’t find him threatening. He remained silent, waiting. As they stood staring at one another, Emelie resigned herself to Dominic being able to last longer than she could. He wouldn’t budge until he had some type of answer. She sighed as she attempted to collect her courage. But he spoke before she did.
“Is that what upset you in the garden? Did he upset you?”
“Sort of.” Emelie looked around. The passageway was the least private place to have this conversation, short of standing on a table in the Great Hall. She whispered, “Come with me.”
Emelie led Dominic through the doors she’d entered only minutes ago. The temperature had dropped, but it wasn’t unbearable. As it grew chillier, it would give her a reason to escape the conversation. She licked her lips as she turned back to face Dominic once they stood in a recessed portion of the wall.
“The missive from my father informed me that someone else already married the mon I thought was courting me.” Dominic grimaced but said nothing, waiting for Emelie to continue. “He didn’t force me, but even though I knew I was foolish, I let him guide me astray.”
“Guide you astray?” Dominic whispered. His piercing gray eyes bore into Emelie, making her want to fidget.
“I mean, it was my choice. My exceedingly poor and reckless choice. But in my defense—my only defense—I trusted him. I didn’t think there was a reason not to. It was only twice, but as my mother warned me, it only takes once.” Emelie tucked her chin and looked at their shoes. She was unprepared for the soft touch that eased her chin up.
“I wasn’t blaming you, Emelie. How auld are you? How auld is he?”
“I’m three-and-twenty. He’s mayhap thirty. I’m not sure.”
“Och, Emelie. Ye’re but a lass. He is a mon full grown, who kenned the risks he was taking. He didna do right by ye.” Dominic’s brogue flowed freely, and it wrapped around Emelie like the honey in treats she enjoyed at fairs. He shook his head as he gazed into Emelie’s blue-hazel eyes. She hadn’t noticed how translucent his gray eyes were until the rising moon shone upon them. “Does he ken?”
“I sent a missive. He was unmarried the first time. I—I didn’t know he was the second time. I never would have. It was just over so soon.” Emelie’s brow furrowed at Dominic’s chuckles.
“Then ye’ve likely saved yerself from a lifetime of disappointment.” Dominic grinned but sobered when he recalled the pennyroyal they’d left on the floor where they collided. “He’s left ye with someone to remember him by, hasnae he, lass?”
Emelie nodded as tears prickled her eyelids. She bit her bottom lip until it stung, but it distracted her from the tears that wanted to flow. She inhaled sharply, unprepared for Dominic to pull her into his embrace. Hesitant, she raised her hands until she reached his waist. He didn’t wear the doublet she was accustomed to seeing him in. Instead, he wore breeks and a Highland leine. She leaned against him until she relaxed.
“Why do I feel safe with you?” Emelie wondered.
“Because ye are. I willna hurt ye. This mon has already done enough of that. Ye deserve some kindness.”
“But why do you care?”
“I dinna ken.”
