“Why?” She sobbed. “It must have been as you supposed. My father forced my mother, and neither of them want me as a reminder. Dear God, am I the result of my father assaulting my mother? Like Mary’s husband did her?”
“I dinna ken, mo aingeal. I dinna have an honest answer for that, and we willna ken unless we ask. But I hope ye ken it’s nae like that between every husband and wife. I willna ever force ye. Ye can tell me nay, and I will always respect that and respect ye.” Ewan ran his hand over Allyson’s back as he offered all the comfort he could. His soft tones and burr helped her to relax her shoulders so they no longer sat at her earlobes.
“And if I turn you away, who will you go to instead? Perhaps my mother gave in to my father because she tired of his infidelity.”
“That isnae how our marriage will ever work. Yer body is yer own and always will be. Ye may be ma wife, but ye will never be ma broodmare. If ye dinna want to couple with me, I will never abuse ma strength and take from ye what ye dinna offer. I told ye before, if ye decide ye dinna want me in yer bed, then I will live with that. I willna turn to another woman.”
“I find that hard to believe. A man who’s enjoyed as many women as you have doesn’t seem likely to embrace abstinence.”
“Believe it or nae, I do ken there is more to life than rutting. I would hope that I’m a good enough lover that ye will always want ma attention. But if I fail to be a good enough husband, and the coupling isnae enough, then I will accept yer decision. I willna set ye aside. Allyson, it’s nae as enjoyable, but both men and women can bring themselves pleasure without having a partner. Do ye ken aught of that?”
“Aye, the church says it’s a sin, one of the worst.” Allyson’s fear was clear before she spoke her next words. “For someone so devout, how could you suggest such a thing?”
“I do have a deep faith, but I’m a healthy mon and ye’re a healthy woman. Our bodies have wants, and if the Lord didna accept us doing such things, He wouldnae have made it possible.”
“There is much we can do, but that doesn’t make it right. We can murder, but we know not to do that. That’s what free will is. God may have granted it to us, but we control it.”
“Do ye still find me an unrepentant sinner now that ye ken?” Ewan waited for Allyson, his discomfort growing with every heartbeat that passed before Allyson shook her head.
“No. I’m selfish though. I can accept it if it means you choose that instead of another woman.”
Ewan exhaled the breath he’d held, then swallowed. “But what aboot when I must be away on patrol, or if I’m called away to visit another clan? Ye’ve discovered the beginning of what a mon and woman can share. What if ye dinna want to go without once ye learn the pleasure that comes with coupling?”
“You fear I would be unfaithful because my lust would overcome me?” Allyson stifled the laugh that threatened to burble forth. She knew Ewan was serious in his questioning.
“Aye.”
“You’re the only man I’ve ever lusted for. I’ve made it to two-and-twenty without being overcome before, despite offers made at court. I’m not suddenly going to lose control. At least not with someone other than you.”
“But that was before ye kenned. Ye may decide differently now that ye’ve enjoyed yer release.”
“And you fear I would find another mon to help me if you weren’t available the moment I become aroused?”
“If I’m nae there, who’d be arousing ye but another mon?”
“Mayhap I’d be picturing the braw mon who usually tends to me,” Allyson purred as she smiled with a seductiveness that years at court taught her. Ewan pounced and ravaged a kiss from her as he lifted her off her feet, guiding her legs around his waist. He walked them to a wall and pressed Allyson against it.
“I better be that mon, Ally. I’ll kill any other who comes near ye. I’d rather ken ye’re fingering yerself and sinning that way than discovering ye’ve committed adultery.”
“Don’t you think I’d want to kill any woman who comes near ye? Teach me then.”
“What?” Ewan murmured against her neck as he laved his tongue along her salty skin.
“Teach me. Show me how to tend to myself. But Ewan, even if you don’t, I won’t find another mon just because I can’t be with you the moment the mood takes me. It has naught to do with whether or not I can pleasure myself. It’s because I don’t want anyone but you. Who do you imagine would be on my mind while I take care of myself? If you’d be tending to yourself, would it be because you miss me? Or would it be because you couldn’t take another woman to your bed, so you settled for that?”
“Because I canna be with ye. Who do ye think has been on ma mind every time I’ve taken maself in hand since we arrived here?”
“You’ve been—?” Ewan pulled back, and Allyson huffed when she spotted his Cheshire grin. “You are unrepentant. You picture me?”
“Aye. Over and over. I picture what I’ve seen of ye when ye ride and imagine it’s me ye’re straddling. I imagine all that I want to do with ye and to ye, all the ways I want to make ye scream ma name.”
“Has coupling been on your mind that much?” Allyson wondered aloud. “Do you usually think about it that much?”
Ewan chuckled. “I thought aboot it a fair amount before, but now I think aboot making love to ye incessantly.”
“You think about it incessantly, or you plan to make love to me incessantly?”
“Both,” Ewan growled as he captured her mouth in a searing kiss Allyson was eager to return. It wasn’t until they were both breathless and gasping that they broke apart, then attempted to continue their conversation. “Ally, I could have snuck out to the village or convinced one of the servants to keep the secret, and I could have bedded women every night since I arrived. I dinna want anyone but ye, mo aingeal. I would rather take maself in ma hand over and over than touch a woman who isnae ye.”
