“I do need you,” she whimpered.
“Shh. That’s not what I meant. You don’t need me to feel release if I can’t be with you. Just as you can climax on your own, so can a mon. I’ve been stroking myself every day since I felt you against me on that terrace. It’s the only way I survived not being able to make love to you. I close my eyes and picture you. I can see you, smell you, taste you as I work myself. You make me so hard so many times throughout the day, just from the image of you in my mind, that I had to ease my cods, or the only thing people would remember of me is my rampant cockstand. And it would take little for them to figure out the reason. I suspect people have picked up on my interest.”
“Why didn’t you teach this to me before you left?” Maude accused and harrumphed at the press of Kieran’s grin against her cheek. She pushed his hand away from her bud. “I don’t find any of this humorous. You knew of a way to ease my discomfort and never told me, rather keeping the secret to yourself and enjoying its benefit. Then when we are together, you steal my chance to show you how much I--”
“How much you what?” Kieran held his breath. Would she admit that she loved him just as he did her? She gazed at him, but it had grown too dark to make out his expression.
“How much I care.” Maude was unprepared to admit her feelings when she was unconvinced Kieran shared them, at least not to the same depth.
“I didn’t realize it would upset you. I wasn’t rejecting you. I was protecting you.”
“I don’t need protecting from everything, turtledove. I want to experience the same pleasures you do.”
“And if now that I’ve taught you how, what if you discover you no longer need me?”
Maude paused, and if Kieran could have seen her aghast expression, he would have laughed.
“Is that why you didn’t show me how to pleasure myself? You feared that if I knew how, I’d stop wanting you? You seem to still want me even though you pleasure yourself. You make no sense. I think that now I know, I want you all the more.”
“I do want you. In every way, Maude.”
Maude pressed against his shoulder until he stood up, and she followed. He helped her slip from the table.
“What do you mean, turtledove?”
Kieran wouldn’t propose to Maude in the dark. Nor would he do it only moments after they came so close to coupling. He wouldn’t allow her ever to wonder if he’d asked merely out of passion. He took her hand, and when he opened the door, he looked both ways before stepping out. They walked in silence until they entered the queen’s gardens. There was no one there, which suited Kieran’s purpose, but he sought a place that was open and light. He wanted to see Maude when he asked, and while he wanted privacy, he didn’t want her to wonder if he tried to hide his feelings for her.
“I mean, buttercup, that I want you by my side in everything, day and night. I want you to be the first person I see every morn, and the last person I see every eve. I want to ken I can see you, touch you, hear you, taste you, smell you, everything with you every day for the rest of our lives. I’m asking, will you marry me, Maude?”
“Yes.”
Kieran was unprepared for the succinct answer. The certainty in Maude’s voice rang in his ears, and her clear gaze confirmed that she’d accepted his proposal. “You mean it?” He still needed the confirmation.
“Aye. I’ll marry you, turtledove,” Maude beamed. Kieran lifted her off her feet and twirled her around, whooping loudly enough to draw attention from the servants in the courtyard and surrounding buildings. When Kieran put her down, she lifted onto her toes and offered the most tender kiss she would muster, and he returned it tenfold. Even though they’d spoken no words of love, it was in the kiss. Maude prayed that one day Kieran would say them aloud, but accepted that they might never come. It cast a pall on her for a moment before she shook it off, reminding herself that she hadn’t the nerve to say them either. When they pulled away, Kieran tucked her head against his chest and kissed her crown. She closed her eyes as she absorbed the steady heartbeat against her cheek.
“May I ask a boon, mo ghràidh?”
“Of course, mo leannan. Anything.” Kieran closed his eyes and reveled in the moment of affection after such passion and excitement.
“I realize we might marry here or Stornoway as expected, but I hoped to travel to Dunrobin for the wedding. It would mean a great deal to me to have my mother and brother there.”
“If that is what you wish, then we will marry there.”
“You don’t mind? What aboot your mother and sister? Will they come?”
Kieran’s heart sank. Not because he would miss having his mother there, but because he dreaded having to admit that the women wouldn’t make the effort. They’d left things on a sour note, and he wasn’t sure how they would receive the news, be it an invitation to the wedding or their marriage announcement. He would honor his word to Maude. “I will send them a missive in the morn.”
“How soon might they reach Dunrobin?”
“A sennight or less.” Kieran shrugged.
“Perfect.”
“Lass?”
“I suppose I can survive the delay, knowing it’s so your family can join us.”
“Delay? It’ll take three sennights for the banns to post, and at least that long to be ready for the wedding. I imagine a sennight here for your father to conclude his business and be ready for travel, a sennight on the road to Sutherland, and a sennight for you to prepare for the ceremony and feast.” Kieran snapped his mouth shut at the disappointed look on Maude’s face. “What is it, buttercup?”
