“Even if that’s the case—which I doubt since Maude never sits down—I can introduce myself to those who work in the keep and in the bailey. I can start getting to ken people.”
“You’re comfortable walking up to strangers and striking up a conversation?”
Abigail titled her head and shrugged. “They’re not exactly strangers. I’m part of this clan now, and you’ve kenned them your entire life. You told me you’re not apprehensive aboot what you say or do when you’re here. I trust that means your people are kind and respectful.”
“They are.”
“I’m nervous. I can admit that. But this is what life has given us for the moment.”
“You’re very philosophical.”
“Mayhap I’m finally growing up.” Abigail rested her head against Ronan’s chest. She didn’t know what the next day or the one after that held. She didn’t know how well she would fit in or if there would be much for her to do if Bethea had been running the household for years. But for the first time in her life, she felt prepared to take on the role of chatelaine. She was ready for the work that went with the title; she even looked forward to it. She respected Ronan’s devotion to his people, and she wanted to match it. Ronan saying he was proud of her meant the world to Abigail. She knew she’d done little over her life to be proud of or that made others proud of her. She wanted to be worthy of the praise moving forward, not for just one event in a lifetime together.
“Abby, I’ll return as soon as I can. I swear it. No dillydallying.” Ronan kissed her nose as she leaned back to look at him while he spoke.
“I ken. It’s too cold to dillydally.”
“Lass, you ken that’s not why I’ll be eager to come home, but I certainly look forward to you warming me up.” Ronan patted her backside before he pulled at the ribbons on her chemise. Once they undressed, they climbed into bed. With Ronan’s arm around her waist and his hand on her backside, Abigail draped herself across his chest. They were asleep within moments.
Thirty-Four
Abigail sighed as she watched Ronan lead the troop of eighty men through the gates. He watched her as he rode through as well, waving twice before the path forced him to look where he was going. She welcomed Kieran’s arm around her shoulders and leaned against her brother. She’d seen Kieran ride out to fight the Morrisons, and she’d seen Lathan ride out for sorties. But it was different watching the man she loved, the one she wanted to live a long and blissful life with, ride out to the unknown. Maude warned her that it never got easier, even as it became more expected.
“Ma lady,” Bethea said as she approached. She’d been comforting Maisie as the men left. Abigail learned that morning that Maisie was expecting her first child and was particularly upset that Clyde was leaving. Abigail couldn’t blame the young woman. She was already struggling not to show any signs of emotion to those around her. She couldn’t imagine the strain that would come once she and Ronan were parents. “Since Laird MacLeod is here, mayhap ye wouldnae mind me waiting to show ye aboot.”
“Bethea, that is a kind way of giving me a few days to sort myself out.” Abigail reached out her hand to Bethea, who squeezed hers. “Thank you.”
“Whatever ye need, ma lady.” Bethea turned around and called out to the laundresses before moving briskly toward them.
“Abigail, I ken I planned to stay for two days, but I can remain here longer,” Kieran said as they walked into the Great Hall.
“I appreciate the offer, Kieran. But I ken you don’t like to be away from Maude and the weans for that long, and you have your own duties to see to.”
“I dinna like being away, but I dislike being unsure aboot how ye fare even more.”
“This isn’t like the Chisholms. I can already tell. And even though Ronan took four score men with him, there’s still more than that to defend the keep. I’m not trying to shoo you away because I don’t like your company. I just don’t need you to stay.”
“Abigail, ye’re a woman to admire and respect.”
“I’m getting there.”
“I can already see it. Ye’re different from who ye were two years ago, and completely different from three years ago.”
“You can thank your wife for that. As frightening as being in that freezing water was and being scared for Ronan in that dungeon, I still think waiting for Maude to wake from her injuries was more terrifying. Watching you while we waited. It tore my heart and Mother’s. It gave us a great deal to think aboot, and I was so scared that Maude’s only memory of me would be as a spiteful child. I didn’t want that. I might have already been a woman, but I didn’t act like it toward her. Knowing she might die from trying to protect someone else’s children—I realized how admirable she is. I wanted to be more like her. But I was a long way away from that. I realized that the last time I was supposed to run a keep. I want to be someone others enjoy being around and someone who gives rather than takes.”
“Ye are, Abigail. Ye, Mother, and Madeline didna bring out the best in one another. But ye all turned around before Mother shed her earthly coil. Life made ye and Madeline grow up. It did for me, too. It came to me in the way of ma lairdship. It came to Madeline in a convent. For ye, it was an unfortunate arrangement and time at court.”
“It was those things, but it was really losing Mother. Once she was gone, the frivolity and indulgences that were so important before seemed even more petty when there was no one to share them with. Even though she didn’t prepare me for my future as a clan’s lady, she was a devoted mother to me and Madeline. I just wish she’d been that way for you. But no longer having her as a role model made me look at Maude and other women as better guides. My judgment of Ronan before I knew him could have cost me the same love you share with Maude. Having seen you two and seeing a glimpse of what I hope my life will be, I’ll do aught to have that with Ronan.”
Kieran embraced his sister despite the awkwardness of the chairs where they sat at the dais. “I believe ye will thrive here, little sister. I believe the MacKinnons are fortunate to have ye beside Ronan. I wish ye the love and happiness I have with Maude. I never imagined it was possible before I met her, and I doubt I could ever have it again with someone else. I’m certain I couldnae. I feel better aboot returning to Lewis. But I meant what I said before ye left Stornoway and when ye returned. Ye can always come back if ye need us, and just because ye did once, doesnae mean ye canna any time.”
“I know, Kier. That was part of what got me through. I don’t know that I would have believed that when I was with the Chisholms. I don’t think I would have believed I deserved it. But I came to you because I needed you to help Ronan. It wasn’t because my life was in jeopardy.”
“I ken. Either way, ye did the right thing. And I’m proud of ye for that.”
Abigail beamed at her brother. He was the second person in two days to say he was proud of her when she’d never heard anyone tell her that. It offered a sense of peace along with purpose. The siblings spent the rest of the day meeting various people who worked in the bailey. Abigail was tired when she fell into bed, but it was several hours before she fell asleep, her hand resting over Ronan’s side.
* * *
