“You say that as though I am a whore. You swore to me not being a virgin wasn’t a problem. Obviously, it is. That wasn’t what I was thinking at all, but now I ken how you really feel.”
“What am I supposed to assume?” Ronan straightened to his full height, defensive when he knew he should have been consoling.
“That I care a great deal aboot ye and that ye’re the only person I want to be intimate with.” Abigail’s anger made her courtly accent fall away. She turned to find her gown. She looked over her shoulder as she stepped into the gown and yanked it up. “I was going to say—even though ye dinna seem to be interested—that I could tell what ye liked because ye twitched, then groaned when it was something ye enjoyed. And aye, I do ken that when a mon is pleasured, he spills his seed, but I kenned that before I lost ma maidenhead. I could taste ye. I would have said that makes it a far sight easier for a woman to ken she’s getting it right than any sign she can give a mon. But what does any of that matter, since I’m just a whore?”
Abigail thrust her arms through her sleeves, not bothering to pull the laces tight. She searched for her stockings and shoes, but before she could slip her second shoe on, Ronan scooped it up and held it away from her. If he hadn’t caused her anger and pain, he would have thought that Abigail’s fiery temper was mesmerizing.
“I thought I was failing. Again,” Ronan admitted, his own brogue coming back. “And ye are nae a whore. That isnae what I thought. Ye made that assumption as much as I made mine.”
“That’s a pile of shite. Did I look like I wasna enjoying maself? Did I say stop or did I ask for more? Ye’re angered because I participated in ma own pleasure. Ye’re bent out of shape because I ken what I like. Men arenae the only ones who can find release on their own. Mayhap that’s how I ken.”
“But is it?” Ronan demanded.
“It is. At least when it comes to that. I figured that out on ma own.”
“How can that be? Lathan wasna a virgin when ye married.”
“Nay, he wasna,” Abigail’s laugh was brittle. “Eejit that I am, it took me three moons before I learned he had a mistress and three weans. A fourth on the way by the time I left. I’d said he was vera much nae a virgin.”
Ronan opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He hadn’t thought before he spoke. Not only had he hurt Abigail by insulting her, but he’d reopened a wound that hadn’t even healed. He felt like an arse and admitted as much.
“I’m being an arse, Abby. I’m sorry. It’s none of ma business what happened in yer past. Ma words have cut ye deeply, and instead of telling ye that I care aboot ye deeply too, I was defensive.”
“Ronan,” Abigail sighed. She sat at the foot of the bed and patted the spot beside her. “Let’s have this out right now. For all his faults, I enjoyed bedding Lathan. He made sure our coupling satisfied me, but I ken now that he did it to keep me content and out of his life beyond ma chamber. He encouraged me to learn what I preferred, so that’s how I discovered what I like. But all of it—absolutely all of it—was manipulation and deception. I felt so stupid for being naïve and thinking he might one day love me. He used coupling to control me in the slyest of ways. He got a good tumble but never spilled his seed to avoid having a legitimate child. He bedded me to keep me occupied and to make me think I meant something to him.”
Abigail inhaled deeply as she pulled at a thread on the cuff of her sleeve. She forced herself not to cry as she finished speaking. “Ye didna really make me feel like a whore. He did. I said it because I was hurt and angry.”
Ronan held out his hand, and Abigail took it without hesitation. With a gentle tug, she moved closer, and he lifted her onto his lap. “Ma fear of failing is ma shortcoming, nae yers. I need to move past it, but it’s hard when I would do aught to keep from disappointing ye.” He paused as he gathered his thoughts. He had an idea that might solve their problem of his inexperience and anxiety. He cleared his throat. “Mayhap I should visit someone, so I ken what I’m doing on our wedding night. I wouldnae be nervous, and ye would enjoy the pleasure ye deserve.”
Abigail jumped off his lap like a scalded cat. She narrowed her eyes at him as she spat, “Ye better fuck every one of them because I ken each of them, and I dinna want to figure out who fucked ma husband before me. In fact, fuck them over and over again because ye arenae ever fucking me.” She snatched her shoe from where Ronan dropped it and hobbled to the door. “Ye waited all these years finally to bed a woman because ye wanted to honor yer wife. Ye have a woman who loves ye and wants to marry ye, but ye’d rather hump a whore.”
Ronan was across the room in three strides. He pulled Abigail’s hand from the handle and spun her around. His enormous body imprisoned her against the door, but she didn’t fear him. She even wished he’d lose control if it meant he’d act on impulse rather than calculating and worrying about everything.
“I dinna want a whore any more than I want a toothache, but there is naught I wouldnae do to make ye happy, Abby,” Ronan growled.
“Happy? Ye telling me ye want to bed someone else is supposed to make me happy? Ye’re cruel and daft,” Abby spat.
“I love ye too, Abby,” Ronan swore before pressing his mouth against hers with a ferocity that took Abigail’s breath away. As they kissed, she pulled her gown off, and Ronan pulled the ribbons loose from her chemise. When they stood naked, Ronan’s hands slid to her backside and squeezed until Abigail moved her mons restlessly against his cock. “The bed.”
“Right here,” Abigail demanded. Ronan lifted Abigail, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him, locking her ankles to keep her in place. Ronan’s cock found her entrance as though her sheath were a lodestone. He pressed into her, and it took all of Abigail’s willpower not to sink onto his rod in a rush. She wanted Ronan to enjoy every moment of his first time—their first time. Abigail dropped her head to his shoulder as his excruciatingly slow pace made her want to scream. “Naught has ever felt as good as this. Christ’s bones, Ronan. I will spend before ye’re all the way in me.”
Abigail shifted, and Ronan thrust the rest of his length into her. He shuddered as Abigail’s nails sank into his shoulders. She shifted again, the friction between their bodies causing just enough pressure to send her over the edge. She tightened her thighs as her core clenched around Ronan’s length. She cupped his face and gave him a savage kiss, enticing his tongue into dueling with hers. When he thrust his into her mouth, she sucked it in. Ronan grunted, remembering how her mouth felt earlier, knowing that was why she did it.
“I’m sorry. I couldnae wait,” Abigail panted. At Ronan’s confused expression, she grinned. “I already climaxed once. It just took ye finally being inside me.”
“That’s all?” Ronan was incredulous. He was teetering on the edge, wrestling with his control. He’d been determined not to finish embarrassingly fast his first time and without at least trying to bring Abigail to release.
“I told ye I needed ye. But dinna stop. I want to feel it over and over,” Abigail murmured against his lips as she pressed hers to his and rocked up and down his length.
“Ye can do that? More than once?” Ronan wondered.
“Aye. A woman can, and I wi—” Abigail’s body exploded, making her first release pale in comparison. She trembled as she strained to draw out the waves of sensation. Abigail pleaded, “Take me to the bed. I want to touch ye without having to hang on.”
Ronan walked them across the room, Abigail’s weight barely registering with him. He climbed onto the bed and lay her against the pillows with such gentleness that Abigail’s heart melted. “I love ye, Ronan. I regret I didna tell ye that properly the first time. I said it recklessly, but I mean it with ma whole heart.”
“I understood that. I didna ken that ye felt that way. I love ye, Abby. I do. That’s why I will do aught for ye. I just want to be the mon ye can keep loving.” Ronan confessed as his hips rocked against Abigail’s. When she stopped moving, Ronan’s brow furrowed. He feared he’d done something wrong.
“Stop. Stop right now. Ye didna do aught wrong. And dinna look so surprised. I ken how ye think. I just need ye to hear me.” Abigail brushed the hair back from his face and gazed into the eyes of the man she couldn’t imagine ever living without. It was unlike any emotion she’d ever experienced. She finally understood her brother’s fierce loyalty and drive to protect Maude at any expense.
