“Aye. It was a day. The visit was fine.” Cairstine’s answer was succinct since she didn’t trust herself not to let her feelings show through her words.
“You’re not very convincing. Did your father announce that dreaded betrothal?”
“No,” Cairstine shook her head. “But he’s given me a moon to find a groom, or he will choose one for me. Most likely it’ll be my distant cousin, Fingal, who is my father’s heir.”
“Do you know him well?”
“Aye, he’s more like a brother than a l—” Cairstine snapped her mouth shut. She was not about to discuss bedding any man with Eoin, no matter that they’d flirted and kissed.
“Than a lover?” Eoin supplied. “Marrying a friend isn’t a poor way to begin. At least, you know you suit.”
“Suit? Hardly. He’ll be unfaithful to me before the priest has finished the blessing. He just wants me so he can secure the lairdship once my father dies. He’s the closest male relative, and if he marries the laird’s older daughter, no one can contest his inheritance.”
“You truly believe that aboot him? You assume the worst of your friend?”
“It’s not the worst. I could assume he’ll beat me, but I know he never would. He’s not that type of mon. But he’d force me to—well, to do things I’m not inclined to.”
Eoin listened to Cairstine but read between the lines. The woman was a passionate kisser and had allowed his hands to slide down to her backside, but the two times he’d attempted to touch her breasts, she’d grabbed his hand. He knew she had limits, and he suspected they ended well before the actual act of coupling. He wondered, not for the first time, if something had happened to her to turn her against further intimacy. He’d never intended to bed her; he drew his own limits with virgins. But he’d expected she would have allowed a little more before stopping him.
“What will you do? Do you have anyone else in mind?”
Cairstine shook her head but answered, “God. I shall be a bride of Christ.”
“A nun?” Eoin chuckled. “I doubt you’d convince anyone of that calling, least of all your father.”
“I intend to beg the queen to allow me to retire to an abbey.” Cairstine crossed her arms and turned her head away.
“That’s rather extreme. You’ve already bought yourself a moon. Don’t you think you could convince your father to delay a little longer?”
“No. I can’t. Not for his sake, but for my sister,” Cairstine huffed. “She’s fallen in love with a Campbell and wants to marry him. She can’t until I’m married, since I’m the older sister. Entering a convent will serve the same purpose as far as she’s concerned.”
“As far as she’s concerned? Don’t you mean as far as you’re concerned?” Eoin cocked an eyebrow, pressing Cairstine to be more forthcoming.
“If I secure my future, then one is as good as the other, as far as anyone else is concerned. I see becoming a nun as a far better option.”
“And you believe the queen will support you? You think she’ll agree to you retiring to an abbey and will tell your father as much.”
“Think, hope. They’re aboot the same right now. I’ll pray on it.”
“Need all the practice you can get?” Eoin smirked.
“What does any of this matter to you?” Cairstine rounded on Eoin and stepped toe-to-toe. “Why can’t you let this go?”
“Because something seems so off. My mother wished her entire life to be a nun, even after she married and had two sons. She was far better suited to life in an abbey than she was as chatelaine, so I know what a woman with a calling looks like. You are nothing alike.Youare not meant to be a nun.”
“Your mother wanted to be a nun?” Cairstine tried to wrap her mind around the notion that a pious woman raised the devil-may-care man who stood before her.
“She did. She never wanted to marry, but her sister got with child by a mon who refused to marry her. Not only did my aunt bear a child out of wedlock, everyone considered her too soiled to be a laird’s wife. The duty fell to my mother, so she married my father. For all her faults, she was a pious woman, true in her faith and devotion. Believe it or not, she raised Ewan and me to have a deep faith. Neither my brother nor I have been virtuous models of Christ-like behavior, but I don’t think our vices outweigh what we value. It also means I can tell you aren’t suited to a life of isolation. Do you really want to live a life with no music, no laughter, no affection, no passion? That would have been an ideal life for my mother, but I think you will feel trapped in purgatory within the first sennight.”
“Why do you think you know me so well?”
“Mayhap I don’t know you at all. But you didn’t deny what I said.” Eoin cupped Cairstine’s elbows as he looked down at her upturned face. “I don’t want you to make a mistake that you can’t undo. Once a convent has your dowry, they won’t let you leave. Your father doesn’t sound willing to relinquish it to the Church.”
“What makes you think that?”
“He doesn’t have a betrothal arranged. He’s given you a chance to find your own husband, but he doesn’t want you to become a nun. I don’t think he wants to waste your dowry. I think he wants to buy an alliance instead. If he’s as devout as you say, then he’s already confident that he’s on his way to Heaven. He doesn’t fear refusing your request.”
Cairstine sighed. Eoin’s assessment of her situation was far too accurate, and it made her uncomfortable. She shifted restlessly before her shoulders slumped. She shook her head before tilting it back to gaze at the puffy clouds that slid across the sky. She wished Eoin would cease questioning her, but she feared she would face the same scrutiny when she requested an audience with the queen.
