“Which convent would you retire to?”
“I’m uncertain, Your Grace. I would ask your guidance on that,” Cairstine admitted.
“Inchcailleoch Priory is the closest nunnery to Stirling Castle, but I don’t think the ‘Island of Auld Women’ would suit you. Theirs is a life of extreme austerity.”
“Aye. Kieran MacLeod sent his sister there. I remember what happened with Madeline, and I don’t want a fate like hers.”
“But you two were close friends. You would have someone there that you know.”
Cairstine grimaced. “I was her friend out of necessity. I have done my best to make myself appear to be an unsuitable bride. A harpy whose vanity is well known doesn’t have men beating down her door to marry her.”
Queen Elizabeth nodded as Cairstine revealed a truth the queen had long suspected. “Then the other convents are far from here and even farther from Freuchie.”
“One way or another, Freuchie is no longer my home. The distance won’t matter. My family is unlikely to visit me no matter what clan I might marry into, so going to a convent is no different. As for the distance from Stirling, Your Grace, my life at court would end. I would have no need to visit here.”
“Murkle Priory is the only one dedicated to nuns in the Highlands, and that is in Sinclair territory.”
“Aye. You can’t get much further north before you fall into the sea.” Cairstine preferred staying in the Highlands, but her clan name would carry no weight no matter where she went. There was no benefit to staying in the region other than her love of the wild, untamed nature of both the landscape and the people. It called to her restlessness, and it soothed her soul to walk among the hills and lochs when she was home. But she wouldn’t be socializing nor given the chance to wander, so once more, location held little importance if she was dedicating her life to servitude and prayer. “The only other places more remote are Rona Island and Eilean Sear. There is little more on those Hebridean islands than seals and birds.”
“An ideal place for a life in prayer.” Queen Elizabeth scrutinized Cairstine as though squinting would allow her to see inside Cairstine’s soul. “Though that isn’t as high a priority as escaping marriage.”
Cairstine didn’t dare agree or disagree, so she opted to remain silent. The silence seemed to drag on, and Cairstine wasn’t sure if the queen was still thinking about her situation or grown bored with the conversation. She jumped when the queen spoke again.
“I will give you these choices, Cairstine. Pick one, and I will write to your father. Crail Priory is on the coast of the North Sea, close to St. Andrews. It’s aboot three days' ride from here. Elcho Priory is near Scone. It’s devoted to the Virgin Mother and is a Cistercian order.”
The queen sighed when Cairstine shivered at the mention of one of the most austere monastic orders. Cairstine knew she couldn’t have everything, but the rigidity of the lifestyle terrified her. She didn’t want to wear a hair shirt for the rest of her life, which would be the case at Elcho or Inchcailleoch Priories. Queen Elizabeth cleared her throat before continuing.
“You do realize most of the convents are Cistercians. There is little chance of escaping that. There is Sciennes Priory near Edinburgh; it is only two days' ride from here and run by Franciscan nuns. Manuel Nunnery in Linlithgow is the closest to Stirling and is a day's ride away. Aberdeen Nunnery is the closest to your family. It’s four days’ ride from the coast to Freuchie.”
“Your Grace, I fear that is too close to my father. He could be there before I arrive since it would take me nearly a sennight to travel there.”
“Do you believe your father would ignore my order?”
“No,” Cairstine was quick to shake her head. “He would never disobey you. But he might try to convince me to forsake my plan. I don’t want to be forced to admit to my father why I can’t marry. He will never believe it wasn’t my fault. He’ll blame me. He might not marry me off, but—” Cairstine willed herself to speak even as her voice threatened to disobey. “I fear what he might do.” She had long suspected her father might do worse than disown her if he learned the secret from her past. She feared her shame would be the one thing that could infuriate her father beyond control, and she feared for her life. He would never accept that she wasn’t to blame.
“You’re afraid of your father.” It wasn’t a question. When Cairstine nodded, the queen pinched between her eyebrows, the smallest admission of how troubled she was by Cairstine’s admission. She quickly recovered, straightening her spine. “If I sent you to Manuel Nunnery, you could be there in a day if you set off at daylight. It’s far enough away that no one will question where you went but close enough if ever you should need to seek shelter and my aid.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. I am forever indebted to you for your mercy.” Cairstine clasped her hands together to keep from grabbing the queen’s.
“We shall see whether you believe it is merciful once they strip you of your worldly goods,” Queen Elizabeth mused. Her eyes narrowed, as if she considered something she was unwilling to share with Cairstine. The queen was a shrewd woman, and Cairstine suspected whatever decree the queen made, there would be a rationale Cairstine wouldn’t initially understand. “How many guards have you?”
“Four, Your Grace.”
“I shall send you to Dundee Priory, since it’s run by Franciscans.” The queen decreed. It was a convent Queen Elizabeth hadn’t mentioned a moment ago when she rattled off several others. The announcement came as a surprise to Cairstine, who, only a moment ago, thought she was going south to Linlithgow instead of north to Dundee. Cairstine realized the monarch never intended to give her a choice, and Manuel Nunnery was never a real consideration. “That isn’t enough guards. The roads between Stirling and Dundee are treacherous. I will have men from my personal guard escort you.” When Cairstine made to rise, the queen held up a staying hand. “I will support you on one condition. You will travel for a visit during which you will speak to the abbess, and you must confess your true reason for joining the order. If she accepts and you believe you could be content there, then I will issue my order to your father, and you may stay. But you must be honest.”
“I will. I doubt I will be the first woman to show up on her doorstep for the same reason.” Cairstine murmured.
“I doubt you are.” The queen nodded. “You leave in the morn.” Queen Elizabeth turned her head away, and Cairstine knew she had been dismissed. She backed away until she reached the door of the chamber and eased her way out.
Chapter Seven
Cairstine loved her horse, but she was tired of seeing her. She stood in the bailey as she waited for a stable boy to bring Twinkle out. Voices carried from the stables, and she noticed Eoin and Ewan Gordon preparing to mount with Allyson and Laird Andrew Gordon. She tried to keep from staring, but her eyes had a mind of their own and settled on Eoin. Even from a distance, she could see his muscular frame moving with grace as he hauled his saddle over his massive stallion’s back. Cairstine recalled what it had felt like to sit upon the beast’s back with Eoin’s arms around her. She wished the Gordons would hurry and leave since inevitably, she would take the same route as they were, Huntly Castle being further north than Dundee but in the same direction. She breathed a sigh of relief when the stable boy led Twinkle to her, and the mare blocked Cairstine’s view.
Eoin noticed Cairstine enter the bailey the moment she stepped through the keep’s door. It was as if he had a sixth sense for the woman ever since their brief conversation on the terrace. While he hadn’t known the men were Grant guards, he’d been certain it was Cairstine he’d spotted across the meadow the previous day. Unreasonable panic filled him as he trotted in their direction, then galloped when he thought she was being abducted. He would have come to any woman’s rescue, but Cairstine brought out a protective urge that he didn’t recognize. He’d worried about his sister-by-marriage when English reivers captured her as she attempted to escape marrying his brother, but the emotion paled compared to what he felt in the moment as he watched Bram slap Cairstine’s horse’s rump. He now understood how Ewan must have felt about Allyson. He knew it was irrational to react so viscerally to a woman who he barely knew and wasn’t interested in marrying. But he’d intuited Ewan felt the same way even when his twin denied any interest in marrying Allyson.
“Go and talk to her,” Ewan murmured by his shoulder. “You won’t stop thinking aboot her until you know where she’s going. It’s obvious it isn’t just for a ride through the meadow.” Ewan nudged Eoin and offered an encouraging smile. Eoin glanced at Allyson and his father before nodding. He handed his horse’s reins to a stable hand and made his way to Cairstine.
“Traveling again so soon?” Eoin said as he approached, and he chuckled when Cairstine jumped. He was confident she’d seen him already, even if she pretended not to.
