Stellina’s lips drew in before she grinned. “It’s all the same, so far as I know. Though selkie princes develop a knot once they’ve claimed their true mates.”
“Some things are different,” Lorana muttered. We both stared at her until she whispered, “I do the laundry, don’t I? The sticky stuff on that man’s hand towels and even the sheets some mornings ain’t the regular kind. Omegas have special slickness, yeah?” I nodded, and she chuckled rather wickedly.
Curiosity burned in me, but she changed the subject, asking Stellina about breakfast before slipping outside. Stellina waited, handing me sea sponges and brushes and helping me bathe. “I wish your mother could have been here to help with this ritual,” she murmured when my eyes had fluttered shut in relaxation. Stellina knew some of my story, mostly about my crew of street rats back in Rimholt and my adopted mother, Haven. “Did you know your birth mother at all?”
“She was from Pict,” I said, eyeing the candles with wariness, though the flames felt safer than they had for many years. I’d been cautious around any open flame since meeting Serak whenI was seventeen. The few short days we’d spent together had filled my waking thoughts and dreams more than they should have, and the memories of how careful he’d been around flames had left an impression. He’d come from Pict, too, and I had a feeling he was there now, waiting for me along with Edan.
I shook away the thought of him and what lay ahead. “I was born there. Some sect was breeding Omegas, possibly as sacrifices to their fire god. I was meant to be one, but my mother was brave enough to take me and run.” I closed my eyes. “I remember lying in a boat and her singing to me. And then in Rimholt, staring at her body as she bled in an alley. She’d made me promise to be as still as could be.”
I could still remember her voice, even though her face had faded from memory.Don’t make a peep, my precious Rada. Stay small and quiet, like a mouse.
“They called you Ratter,” Stellina murmured.
“I think it was because they misunderstood my accent. I’m not sure. After she died, I lived wild. I ate rats more than once. Then an Alpha found me. I ate a little better, but my life was far worse. He locked me in a cage, said he was raising me to be his mate. He was half-feral when he first caught me. I was… seven? I don’t know. I really don’t know how old I am, but my boss, General Vilkurn, found me and set me free. He was the one who helped me discover my purpose.”
“Which was never being a mere spy for Rimholt,” she said after a long moment. When I opened my eyes, she was looking down at me with a confident smile. “You wear destiny on those shoulders even closer than your assassin’s cloak. You got that off one of their own, yes?”
“When I was nine, yes. I saved the king of Rimholt from one of them. Spoils of my first battle.” My grin faded as I remembered the first time the Goddess took control of me. I’d been a child.
No use sulking, though. The Goddess may have wrecked my life, but at least I got something out of the bargain. I loved my cloak more than most people loved their mates.
“The assassin’s guild tried to take the cloak back a dozen times. The Goddess really didn’t like them much.” Stellina laughed at that.
I’d thought being able to carry the Goddess inside me was a good thing back then. That it made me special, stronger. I hadn’t known what it would cost me.
“She asked, you know. The first time, anyway. She asked if I wanted to live. If I wanted to help Her remake Her lines. I didn’t know what that meant. I sure as hells didn’t know I’d be ridden like a prize mare every time She wanted to meddle in the world.”
“Does it hurt when She uses you as Her vessel?”
“Not exactly. It feels like being overfilled a bit, like you’ve eaten so much, you want to throw up.” Not that I’d ever wasted food that way. Starving on the street had taught me the value of every mouthful. I considered getting some of the food, but I was too relaxed.
“I once ate a pilot whale on my own,” Stellina mused, pouring a handful of some kind of soap and lathering my hair. “It was on a dare from my younger brother, when we were both young and stupid. I was miserable for weeks, but it was worth it. I won the use of his favorite sunning rock for a decade.” It was my turn to laugh.
“I bitched at Her one time when my nose bled like a stuck pig for a week. She didn’t apologize. She said I was the only vessel that could hold enough power to host Her, even for short times.” She’d actually said some shit about me being formed for this purpose, the perfect avatar, but I’d had wads of cheesecloth stuffed up my nostrils and was leaving a trail of blood across Verdan at the time. I hadn’t asked for any further explanation.That had been over ten years before, long before I’d met Alexios, and years before I’d spent time with…
I pressed one hand on my pendant, the thought slipping away. Who had I met before Alexios? Why was there a blankness in my memories, starting after I’d left the island of Havira?
Stellina dumped warm water over my head, and the thought washed away with the soap. “It’s not easy to be a tool of the Goddess.”
“Your son Lachlan would say I’m just a tool. He hates me.”
“He’s jealous, sweetheart. His best friend adores you. His brother went from being nearly dead to being tied to you for… Well, you’ll need to decide if you don’t want to complete the bond with Kellin. You do have that choice.”
My abdomen flared with pain at that moment, though I didn’t show my reaction.
It would be dangerous to have a mate where I was going. Mate bonds tied lives together; if I died, so would anyone bonded to me.
There was nothing I could do about Lachlan. But maybe Kellin would be fine if we didn’t exchange marks. Safer, if something happened to me. But it seemed too easy. “What happens if I choose to walk away?”
“Oh, he’ll suffer. He could die. Sometimes that happens,” she said calmly as she stood and gathered up my robe, replacing it with a fresh one. “He gave you his pelt, though. His decision is made, and I’m not sure… Well. Don’t let that sway you.” She winked as she opened the door. “Give him a chance.”
She stepped out, and in that same moment, Kellin stepped in, wearing nothing but his pelt around his waist and a hopeful, shy smile. “May I serve you, my lady?”
My eyes dropped to his erect cock. There it was, a slender knot at the base.Fuck.Or more accurately, not fuck.
I wasn’t going to fuck him, or bite him, or do any of the hundreds of things that my mind was presenting as solid ideas to fill the rest of the evening until I left. No matter how painfully my body was aching to crawl on top of him, to take his knot inside me and fill the aching emptiness, I’d made a vow to myself.
And I could not break it, no matter what.
