Her words sliced through him. His heart sank. Where were these words coming from? This wasn’t Sam. Sam was unrelenting, and she’d always picked herself up whenever she’d made mistakes before. What the hell was hitting her so hard? Didn’t she know how good she was? He turned to her, taking her hands in his.
“You messed up,” he said. Her body stiffened; a frown formed on her brow. He sat back. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to do—comfort her or snap her out of it. But whatever it was, it hadn’t worked. She scooched away from him, taking her warmth and scent with her.
“Thanks.” Her eyes didn’t meet his, her hands scrabbled around for her jacket. “I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed.”
He didn’t move right away, and she huffed.
“Finn.” She kept her eyes down. “I need to get out.”
He slid from the booth, slowly and confused. She slipped past him, pulling her jacket up on her shoulders.
“Sam—” He reached for her, but she shrugged his arm off.
“Goodnight, Finn.” She finally looked at him. Her green eyes were puffy and red.
“Sam, please,” he tried again. “What did I say? Talk to me. Please.”
She shook her head slowly. “I really need to go, Finn.”
Finn’s stomach knotted hard. He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out.What did I say?She didn’t wait for him to try to fix it between them; she was gone, moving toward the door, leaving him behind.
“Sam, wait—” A rising panic swirled in his gut. She was gone, and it was because of something he’d done, something he’d said. He sat down hard, staring at the table. Two untouched beers. Two empty shot glasses. A napkin damp with her tears. Shit. He grasped the napkin and folded it up. He’d been the one to mess up. He was an absolute idiot, even if he didn’t know what he’d done.
For the very first time, Finn wondered if maybe Sam didn’t want him to be the person she ran to, and it felt like the searing, breath-stealing pain of falling through the ice of a dark, frigid lake.
14
Sam
Tuesday, 10th February
Sam drew her knees up to her chest as Maya handed her a coffee.
“Urgh, Maya. It’s too early.”
“It’s six thirty. I’ve been up for hours. Here you go, two sugars, black. That should wake you up.” Maya, fully dressed and perfectly glammed up, sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you want to talk about it—yesterday?”
“About what?” Sam groggily blew on the surface of her coffee.
“That sounds like a no,” Maya said. She leaned forward and gently touched Sam’s hand. “I’m here, when you need to talk.”
Sam shrugged but smiled. Maya was being so kind to her, so warm and supportive. She’d left a hot water bottle in her bed last night and had been fast asleep by the time Sam had come to the room. This was the first time she’d spoken to her since messing up yesterday.
“Thanks for the hot water bottle,” she said. “And thanks—I know you’re here for me. I’m just not ready to talk about it.” She shouldn’t have listened to her father in the qualies. She should’ve gone with her gut and let herself have fun. Just as she should have yesterday. But every time she thought of going out there as herself, she froze as the wordsmessed upand her father’s voice telling Becky to listen to Leo drowned out everything else in her head. She knew she’d messed up the qualie, but she’d been sure she’d have been placed. Fourth—no one remembered fourth. She’d have settled for third, even though it wouldn’t have been enough for Jake Harrington. Anything less than gold didn’t rank with him when it came to Sam.
“Do you remember Breckenridge?” Sam said quietly. “The year Leo took first place.”
“Yeah, he was unstoppable.” Maya blinked.
Sam looked down into her coffee. “That night … we didn’t go to the lodge right away. Dad stayed behind, talking to some suit about Leo. Celebrating and pushing for a deal.” Her voice tightened. “I hadn’t placed at all, but Dad didn’t care. He was locked in on Leo and this deal. Mom had had a few glasses of wine so …” Sam paused. “So, Leo drove.”
Maya’s head shot up. “Wait, what. You never told me Leo was driving.”
“I wasn’t able to.” Sam’s tone was flat. “It was … oh God, Mai. It was such a great night, you know. We were all on a high and so hopeful for Leo.”
Maya shook her head. “And then the accident—and he never skied again.”
Sam nodded. “It was snowing hard, and then out ofnowhere this huge elk was in front of us. Everything spun. It was like we were moving in slow motion and all I can remember is the sound of metal screeching, crumpling against the trees, country songs on the radio, and then silence.”
