“Sure.”I cleared my throat.“I’ll ...see you around.”
“I’m sure you will.”
My boot scraped on the worn asphalt putting my back to her.I took quick steps back to the building, listening as she closed her drivers’ side door behind her and drove away.Just outside the bar I changed my mind.Turning, I hurried to my vehicle.Behind the wheel I pushed the button to start it, dialing Owen’s number simultaneously.The phone rang so many times that I almost gave up on him answering.
“Hey,” he said in his usual relaxed way.In the background, Emmeline was having an argument with a number of other voices that I didn’t recognize.
“Hey, man,” I said, suddenly aware that I, once again, had no idea how to put everything into words.“You sound busy, I’ll let you go.”
“Nah, I’m good.Em’s cousin, and brother, and brother in-law are here but they’re good without me for a while.What’s up?”
I’d met Owen in vet school, and he might have a bad response to all things Alicia just like Hazel did.I considered pretending like I just called to catch up but decided against it.He knew more about my feelings over the past couple of years, about how I regretted the way my marriage ended and the role I played in it.I hoped that was enough for him to keep a level head.
After a long pause, I admitted, “I’m messed up right now, man.”
“What about?”he asked even though I was sure he could make an assumption.
“I need you to be cool about it.”
He let out a long slow breath.“Alicia.”
I grunted an affirmation.
“Okay.”He sounded calm.
“I’m still in love with her.”It felt strange to say it out loud, even if it was so obvious.“And I just followed her out of a bar to tell her to stay away from me, I think.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know exactly what I was going to say, but I chickened out.It was something like, ‘I’m in love with you, and I’m gonna stay away from you, and you should stay away from me.’”
“Good thing you didn’t.”
“Is it?”
“Rem, that’s not a normal thing to say.”
“I can’t even tell anymore what’s normal and what isn’t.”I groaned sinking down in my seat.“Why’s it so bad?”
“What would be the purpose in telling her that?”
“So she can avoid me.”
“Why?”
“Because she thinks we’re friends.”
He was silent to the point that I wondered if the call had dropped.“What’s wrong with being friends?Being friends with the person you love is ...There’s nothing better.”
“That’s sweet as hell and fucking annoying right now.And your situation is not the same as mine.”
“It isn’t.”
I stared out of my windshield watching people wander in and out of the bar.On my chest grew the weight of everything I’d lost, my twenty-nine-year-old self shouldn’t have been trusted to make decisions.
There was hesitation in Owen’s words when he spoke again.“On the off-chance that this is helpful ...you gave me advice once to swallow my pride.I don’t know if I’m cool with you and Alicia, but I don’t want you to keep regretting never telling her ...whatever it is you need to tell her.Except for, ‘I love you, stay away from me.’”
“I don’t think that’s helpful.”
