“I’ll tear them up,” she offered, shaking the damp contracts.“I’ll go to counseling with you.I’ll ...I don’t even know.I don’t know what to do.But I will never love anyone like I love you.I don’t even want to.Never.Only you.Please, tell me you’ll do whatever it takes, and I will too.”
Her shoulders shook and her words were swallowed in her sobs.
I should have held her.Kissed her.
Apologized.
Promised.
“I don’t want to live this life without you,” she forced out.It was almost impossible to understand her, but the words rang true inside of my chest.But they just made me angry.
And scared.
I couldn’t even identify what I was afraid of, but I wanted to run away.
So, I didn’t speak.I didn’t do any of the things that I should have done.
I just closed the door.
I’d ruined my chances with the woman I didn’t want to live this life without.
“That door is closed,” I muttered more to myself than to him.
He grunted.Turning back to the repair, he said, “Closed doors don’t seem to stop you.”
Chapter Seventeen
Remi
Benji’sPlacewaspacked.Clearly, the entire town had come out to drink and spend time with their neighbors, breaking free from the shut-in feeling of winter.Temporary igloos were set up on the patio, and we’d been lucky to snag one.I’d arrived at the bar after Brooks and I fixed Alicia’s door.He had something to do at Nora’s grandma’s house before joining me.
I had just parked my car when Sterling and his sister, Bet, flagged me down.The sun had set about an hour before—even though it was only mid-evening, it looked like the middle of the night.It was early enough that Bet’s two-year-old, Melody, was falling asleep on my chest, while her four-year-old, Sasha, laughed at a game she was playing with her Uncle Sterling.
I wanted to settle into my usual Saturday routine, but I couldn’t stop checking my phone for a reply from Alicia.I’d sent,Your apartment is a bird-free fortress, about two hours ago, and I needed to stop fixating as I scanned for her car in the parking lot, even though all I could see were headlights piercing the night before they blotted out leaving behind a blind spot in my vision.She hadn’t said that she’d be here.We weren’t planning to meet up.There wasn’t any excuse to text anymore, but I knew she was somewhere near, making it impossible to relax.
Bet stared up at the inky sky, her hot chocolate steaming in her mug.
“A cow does not say, ‘bark!’” Sterling exclaimed.
Sasha giggled around her fingers.
He narrowed his eyes at her, but like everyone else, she didn’t take him seriously.“Whatdoesa cow say?”
She narrowed her eyes back, a smile growing on her face.“Quack.”
It was the quack that broke his serious facade, and the rest of us joined in the laughter.Not Melody, though.
“She is out.”Bet’s bright blue eyes were soft and adoring on her daughter’s face.All the Strauss siblings had the same startling-colored eyes, except for the youngest, Violet.
“If this chair was more comfortable, I’d be sleeping too,” I said.
“Thank you, by the way.I needed a break.”She exhaled closing her eyes.“But I should get them home and to bed.”
A gust of cold air swept into the igloo as Lola, Bet and Sterling’s other sister, joined us.
“I’ll carry Mel out to your car,” I offered.
Lola leaned against Bet’s chair.Her large curls were pulled back into a ponytail high on her head, and her olive-green sweater clung to her curves.She winked at me, and I smirked back.We’d dated briefly but quickly decided that we were better as friends.In weak moments, I wondered if it was a shortcoming on my end that we couldn’t be more.She was great.Smart.Beautiful.Fun.
