Duh, because he already said he didn’t want to talk about it.
Feeling like an asshole, I quickly say, “Then tell me something else.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” I reposition myself so my head is resting on his upper abdomen and my knee is tucked between his thighs. “Tell me a secret. One you’ve never told anyone.”
Flashes of emotion cross our connection. Anxiety. Then curiosity. Then what I think is hope.
“You changed me,” he says, as one of his hands slides up my neck and tangles in my hair. “The bond changed me.”
“Wait, already? How?”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “I feel … different. Like I could defeat an entire army to keep you safe. I feel stronger, more connected, and much more protective.” He rubs his fingers over my scalp. “I also have a new fear.”
“What’s that?” I ask with caution.
“Losing you…”
My heart stumbles over itself, caught between the shock of his confession and the deep ache it brings. Neither of us should feel this way. We don’t know each other. And yet, I believe him, and I can’t deny that I feel the same way. Somehow, Iknowhe’s going to do everything in his power to keep me safe, but that knowledge sparks a new fear. A fear I knew would come.
“I don’t want to die,” I whisper, and I mean it. Before I walked into this cell, I had one option to regain some control and find a small bit of purpose in this nightmare. But now? Now there’s hope. And that is so much more terrifying than morbid resignation.
His grip around me tightens, and his lips press into the top of my head. “I will never let any harm come to you. Ever. If you need me, I will be there. If you are sad, I will bring you joy. If you are fearful, I will vanquish the darkness. I am yours, and I will fight for you, or with you, no matter the enemy.”
A dam of emotion breaks in my chest, and I sob. It comes out of nowhere. Ugly, racking sobs that shake my entire body. I haven’t cried in so long that I forgot how much it hurts. My throat aches. Head throbs. But I can’t stop.
Instead of shying away from my tears, Vexar holds me tighter, letting me bury my wet face against his warm skin while tracing soothing circles over my back.
When my crying slows, the deep, rolling waves of his breath and the warm scent of his skin coax me to the edge of sleep.
“Sleep, Amara,” he purrs. “Sleep.”
22
NOT THE KING THEY WANTED
VEXAR
SHE DOESN’T WANT to die.
As Amara sleeps, her words echo in my mind, increasing the ugly weight of my guilt.
Her ability to trust has been eroded into something sharp and brittle, and I feel those jagged points with every doubtful glance and word. She has experienced the very worst sentient beings have to offer, and I dread what will happen when she learns of my complicity in the horrors she faced.
The scent of her hair fills my nose as the shadow in my depths begs for vengeance. It repeats the same phrase, again and again, even as I try to silence it.
End them. End them.
Gaius placed Amara in my cell. That much is clear. And Amara is convinced he will execute her for saving my life. While I do not doubt he will try, he will not succeed. No act of the gods or force of nature could tear her from my grasp. There is no price I would not pay, nor sacrifice I would not make.
She is my Queen. My mate. Chosen by the gods themselves to bring hope to my people and shine a light into the dark placesI once ignored. And yet, there is also a darkness in our bond. One I am beginning to fear.
The Zhyrrak is not what I thought it would be. A new violence lurks beneath my surface. A rage that sears my heart at the very thought of Amara being harmed.
If she is ever truly in danger, what will I become? A monster? A demon? A thoughtless killer?
An inner turmoil stretches through me. A mix of apprehension and dark curiosity. Until now, I had never considered how much damage I could do with my bare hands, but as I lay here, holding my Queen, I know the scale of destruction I am capable of has no bounds. No limits. And that is terrifying.
