Neat shelves of medical equipment tower over me from my prone position. Everything looks odd from down here, and the floating, disconnected feeling in my body isn’t helping.
It happened again.
I want to scream in frustration, but it won’t help. I should get up. Try to act normal. But I can’t. Not yet.
The underside of the table catches my attention, and my first thought is, ‘Huh, no gum,’followed by a surge of unwanted memories. The smell of leaves in the fall. The feeling of grass under my feet. The nostalgia of an old book. I push it all down, and I try to ignore the ache in my chest. There’s a reason I pretend I had no life before this.
I’m ok. Everything’s ok.
Cool stone sucks the unwanted heat from my body as I try to piece together what happened before the flashback. I remember the Thoratlium, and?—
Fuck. I press my palms over my eyes as the image of Kyvern’s sadistic grin comes rushing back.
Breathe, Amara. Breathe and forget.
Nope. Not working.
I sit up, grab the trash can Roveen must have left, and empty the contents of my stomach.
I despise the weakness of the human mind. I should be able to push past this, to find a way out of the constant flashbacks, panic attacks, and blackouts, but I can’t. I’m stuck. And somehow, the flashbacks are worse than the events that caused them. Being in that box was awful, but being a prisoner in my own mind is worse.
When I’m confident my stomach has revolted as much as it can, I drop my head between my knees and drag my fingers over the uneven surface of the floor. Somehow, nothing but rain, wind, and time ate away at this solid slab of stone, changing its unwavering surface into a nightmare of sharp peaks and deep crevices. Changing it until it became something dangerous and unrecognizable.
2
THE OBLIGATION
VEXAR
“IUNDERSTAND THE risks, Marius. We have been over this.” I run a hand over my face and scratch the stubble already forming on my chin as Marius continues to drone on about the many risks I am unnecessarily assuming. This is our last opportunity to speak before I sign my contract, and his repetitive nagging has my finger hovering over the mute button of the holoCom.
“If you would just accept the mate that was chosen for?—”
“Marius,” I interrupt, “I am not interested in accepting that proposal, and I do not need to absolve myself of my vow.”
Marius makes a huff of frustration and brings the camera closer to his face. His dark brown eyes look almost black in the sunlight of my home-world as he whispers, “Drusa is a fine mate, and if you just agree to the proposal, we can ensure your safety.”
I nearly laugh. He thinks pairing me with Drusa will keep me safe? And that whispering will keep my refusal quiet? This news will spread no matter what we do, so let it. I will not allow my honor to be tarnished by whispers alone. My choice is one I stand by.
“I am not here to ensure my safety,” I say calmly. “I am here to prove my worthiness. To fulfill the Obligation. If the Obligation were without risk, there would be no point in doing it.”
Marius shakes his head. “If you are truly intent on fighting without medical care…” He trails off when he notices my stern expression. “Apologies. I will not bring it up again.”
His tone of defeat stings. I care about Marius, but his desire to protect me has eclipsed his reason and is bordering on disrespect. We are a people of honor and strength. How can I lead such a people if I give in to a pairing with a female whose familial line has violently fought to overthrow my own? It would be a stain on my reputation and a poor way to begin my rule.
No. I will rule the same way my ancestors did. With honor and strength. Besides, I have trained my entire life for this. My vow will not be a hindrance, of that much, I am certain.
“I am grateful for your concern, but I will be fine. You have trained me well, and my opponents will certainly pale in comparison to your skill.”
The hint of a smile on Marius’s face tells me the flattery is working. “You have seen your matches?” he asks.
I sigh and lean back in my cushioned chair, grateful for these last few moments of comfort. By the end of the day, I will be sleeping on a cot in a dank cell.
“I was given a brief overview,” I say. “No specifics, of course, but I know I will be paired with a low-level gladiator today, and the following two fights will be against mid-level fan-favorites. As discussed, Gaius has agreed not to pair me with any of his ‘criminals’, so all fights will be consensual. There is no need for concern.”
“Good. Remember your training and come home safe.”
“Thank you, Marius. I will speak to you in three days.” Almost as an afterthought, I add, “And please make sure my siblings do not cause too much chaos in my absence.”
