She leans her head against my shoulder. “It sounds beautiful.”
“Yeah.” I suck in a breath. “I guess what I’m saying is, when I closed my eyes to dream up a future of everything I might ever want, it wasalwayswith you. Even after you left, even when my heart was broken, it was like any visions of the future just sort of dried up. I’ve probably created a thousand different versions of it in my head, but it always included you. And, Ava . . . this baby is a part of you. Over the course of these past few weeks, I’ve been able to dream again. Except now, she’s in all of them too.”
Ava’s eyes well with tears. “Dammit.”
I frown. “What, sugar?”
She sniffles. Wipes at her eyes. “That was a really good answer.”
I laugh, and so does she. Deciding the space between us can get fucked, I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into me, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. She smells like sugar and vanilla, like everything good and right.
Ava slips an arm out of the blanket to reach for a beer from the cardboard package and twists off the top. “I told my dad about her,” she says, handing me the bottle.
I take it and look at her carefully. “You saw him?” I ask. “Did he find you at Olivia’s?”
She shakes her head. “I went to his office and asked to meet.” Leaning back into my side, she presses a kiss to my shoulder. “I’ve been running from a lot of things for a long time, Kasey. And I think it’s time I started facing them instead.”
“What did you tell him?” I ask, taking a long sip from the bottle.
“That I wanted to try to make things better. He spoke honestly about this ranch dispute with your uncle, and in return I told him the truth about you.”
I take a second to think through what she’s saying. “You told him about our deal?”
“I told him that I love you,” she counters. “That my choice to be married to you is one I would make over and over again if given the opportunity. That I’m having a baby, and you’re going to help me raise her.”
My heart stops. I pull away to look down at her, catching her eyes. “I am?”
She nods, smiling. “Yeah.” Her eyes are full of tears again, and this time they spill over onto her cheeks. “I think what I’m saying is . . .” She stops.
“Say it, Ava,” I gently coax.
“I want to stay,” she finally says. “For good. I want to be with you. I don’t want to pretend anymore.” She opens the comforter that hangs from her shoulders, revealing her bare body as she stands, lifting one foot over my legs so she can settle herself down in my lap.
Firecrackers blast through my chest as I groan, setting my beer down to grip her ass in my hands and look her in the eyes. “This was never pretend to me, sugar. Not a single fucking minute of it. ’Bout time you finally caught up.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
AVA
Iknew as soon as I walked into my father’s office yesterday that I would end up back here, wrapped in Kasey’s arms while he looked at me like I was indeed his sun. I think I knew it all along, but it hit me hardest when I realized that I wasn’t there to defend my choices or defiance.
I was there to give him my truth.
And the truth is, plain and simple, that I’ve loved Kasey for just about as long as he’s loved me. Even when I played games with his heart. Even when I ran from him and made him chase me into the depths of my own fears. Even as I sit here and wonder if I’m even worthy of everything he gives me. Ilovehim, and it’s about damn time I sat still with something good in my life.
“Why are you crying?” Kasey asks, voice deep and shaky, like the rumble of an old tractor over the pasture. His thumbs swipe at my tears as he looks at me with so much reverence that my heart kicks against my ribs like a wild stallion.
I’m so tired of all the ghosts ofushaunting my every waking hour. I’m ready to start again, ready for something new with him. “I’m crying,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut, “because you smellsobad. It’s making my eyes water.”
Kasey’s mouth falls open, the corners of his mouth lifting. “You’re a fucking brat, you know that?” He shakes his head and sighs. And then he’s launching me up into the air, those bulky arms carrying my weight as my legs wrap around his waist. The blanket from his bed falls to the ground. “This is the smell of a real man, sugar,” he says, eyes devouring every inch of me.
“Take a shower, you dirty cowboy,” I say, watching the way his mouth changes. The way his cheeks pull. “And take me with you.”
He kisses me so hard everything around us disappears. I feel him moving, carrying me into the house, but I’m dizzy by the intoxicating way his tongue parts me open and strokes deep into my mouth. This man, this perfect man, who loves me enough to heal parts of me that he had nothing to do with. Who has the patience to wait for me, to hold me through it, even at the risk of his own heart.
His nose scrapes along the underside of my jaw, grip tightening around my waist. He grunts. Nips into the flesh below my ear. Roughly pushes his hips into mine, pinning me tightly against a wall. “Never again,” he says, pulling back to catch my eyes, his full of so much need. We’re in the darkened hallway, mere feet from the bathroom. “I mean it, Ava. I won’t lose you ever again.”
It feels like a cannon blasts inside my chest, everything all at once becoming too vast and shapeless and heavy with a pressure that both terrifies and grounds me. “You never lost me,” I tell him. “I’m the one who lost myself, Kasey. I’ve always been yours. There’s no version of life I could ever live that would keep me from wanting you.” I fist the front of his shirt to pull him back to my mouth, desperate for him.
