After he walked into that karaoke bar when I was on stage a year ago, I did my best to completely avoid him where possible. I even worked to avoidthinkingabout him after practically drowning myself in thoughts of him for so many nights, haunted by the sight of him walking out of that bar door.
I’d been hurt and disappointed that he didn’t reach out to me at all after that night. Especially knowing that the fire burning in his eyes as he watched me perform was proof of his desire, and that it had fully matched the licks of flame that I’d felt inside of my own body.
At some point along the way, this had all become a bit of an unhealthy (and unspoken) cycle between us. We’d have a moment together—a magical, stars-aligning, blinding dive into the deepest of dangerous temptations that clearly existed somewhere within both of us. But then Logan would pull a disappearing act, only to reemerge later out of the dust seemingly unscathed, acting as if nothing had ever happened.
It made me absolutely crazy.
After ending things with Danny that night last year, I’d decided to hit the brakes on dating in general and to instead just focus on myself and my studies during this last year of college. It wouldn’t have been fair to date anyone with what I was battling inside of myself when it came to Logan anyway, and I wasn’t the type of girl to play with someone’s heart.
After successfully avoiding him for so long—it wasn’t lost on me that I was probably only so successful because he’d been avoiding me too—I’d finally seen him again during the holidays. In typical Logan fashion, he slipped firmly back into his big brother role and didn’t give meanyacknowledgement of what had happened that night downtown.
It was just like five years ago when I’d picked him up in the middle of the night. Wekissed. Like, genuinely had a full-on, heated make out session full of a raw need and a hunger that I had certainly never felt before. And then,poof, it was over. And Logan made it clear that he wanted to go on with life as if it had never happened.
It all felt like a cosmic joke—and withLogan,of all the men in the world.
I would always love him, and I knew that he’d do anything for me. But we needed to keep our relationship on the platonic side of the fence. Anything else was just way too risky, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to survive the inevitable fallout. He was way too important to me to casually mess around with. Not to mention that Adam would likely murder both of us slowly with a butter knife.
Snapping back to reality, I noticed that the seats around me had filled with more students. I looked down at my phone and saw that it was now four forty-five, and I had a new text from my mom.
Mom
We’re here - look up! ??
I looked up into the stands to the left of me and spotted my family amongst the crowd of other onlookers. As soon as my eyes landed on them, they all began cheering and waving their arms around. My mother was dressed to the absolute nines in a gorgeous summer dress and a classic sun hat shading her face from the bright sun. Long, brown curls curved from underneath her hat and around her face with an elegance that I could never quite pull off. The smile on her face was a mile wide as her eyes connected with mine, her hand waving back and forth with motherly gusto.
Next to her, my father wore a white, button-up T-shirt with dark slacks, looking sharp as usual. I could sense his eyes twinkling down on me through his aviators.
In front of my parents sat two familiar-looking young men, both dressed a bit more casually than my parents but dashing nonetheless. Adam’s dark hair was cropped short from a recent haircut, and my heart warmed at the dimples that formed in his cheek as he smiled down at me.
And next to him was Logan, whose beautiful, golden brown waves had grown much longer since I’d last seen him, easily reaching past his shoulders now. The look worked for him. Instead of appearing grungy or unkempt, he looked like a goddamn movie star. He wore his usual white T-shirt and black jeans, and I noticed that his biceps were stretching the sleeves of his shirt. His smile was lazy as his eyes locked in with mine. I didn’t miss the mischievous wink.
My heart roared.
Stop it, Amelia.
Looking back at my parents, I took in a deep, grounding breath. It had been a few weeks since I’d been back home, as the last few weeks of school were crammed with endless studying sessions and difficult final exams. But now, seeing my family gathered here together for me, I felt myself swelling with pride as the enormity of my accomplishment began to sink in.
I was graduating college.
I’d done it. I’d made my family proud.
While my collegiate career may not have involved the grueling work that it took to become the next neurosurgeon in the family, there was no doubt that I’d worked really hard for my degree. In the occasional moments of weakness against my own self-esteem, I’d start to feel like my choice to study marketing instead of something as glorified as medicine—or law or engineering or biochemistry—might have disappointed my family.
They’d never given me any indication of having bigger expectations for me, but the pride that my father so obviously felt when Adam declared his decision to follow in his footsteps was no secret, and sometimes I found myself comparing my journey with Adam’s. He’d always been the golden child. The smart one. The one who so effortlessly achieved everything he tried for, whereas I always had to workreallyhard for the things I set out to do.
I knew that I was following the right professional path for myself, but that didn’t take away from those occasional bursts of self-doubt and anxiety that I wasn’t doing enough to be as impressive or successful as Adam.
But in this moment, for what was possibly the first time in my life, I truly allowed myself to feel the collective pride of my family shining on me like the warm rays of the sun above us.
Had it always been there? Had I been the one too full of my own fears to recognize that it existed? The thought prickled at my mind as I smiled back at them.
Just then, the wail of a microphone screeched through the stadium as the school’s dean began his welcome message, kicking off the ceremony.
Two hours later,I threw my cap up into the air alongside the thousands of other graduates around me. In the fleeting glow of dusk, the wave of black hats flying above the crowd looked eerily like a colony of bats raining down into the stadium. The roar of applause all around me was thunderous. Families poured their love and accolades into the entire graduating class, and the swell of the electric energy was palpable.
It was the most incredible feeling—I was completely high from it.
A couple of tears escaped down my face as I moved my way out of the row of seats I was sitting in, heading toward the edge of the field where my family was waiting for me. As soon as I was within reach, Adam scooped me into his arms and swung me around, lifting me off my feet and squeezing my body against his with a firm embrace. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Millie,” he said, kissing the side of my head.
