“Still, it sucks. Being tired all the time from doing something you’re supposed to love. I get it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Football’s been my whole life, but lately, it’s taken more than it gives. This is my last year, and I keep wondering who I’ll be when it’s over.”
My heart pulled a little. “I think you’d still be you.”
“Thanks,” he said with a sheepish smile. “You excited for your tour to be ending in a few months?”
“Yeah, it'll be nice. I'm always running and traveling, so it will be good to relax a little.”
“Any plans after?” There was something careful in his voice, as if he wasn't sure he should ask.
“I’ve got another album I'm working on, so I’ll probably finish that up.”
“Do you sleep, or do you just dream in chord progressions?”
I laughed. “I can’t help it if I’m brushing my teeth or something and suddenly, there are some lyrics in my head that won't leave me alone.”
“Do you think you'll ever want to slow down?”
I ran my finger along the rim of my coffee cup, trying to line my thoughts up in the right order. I used to think I’d know when I’d made it, like there would be some moment where the Grammy, the chart spots, all the big wins would finally feel like enough. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I was chasing anymore.
“I want to slow down,” I whispered, “but I’m not sure I’m ready to be done.”
“What do you see for yourself when you settle down?”
“God, I don’t even know anymore.”
“Did you ever think about it? You know, before everything changed?”
“Yeah, I used to.”
He cocked his head. “Do tell.”
I let out a breathy laugh. “Okay, this is going to sound kind of silly, but when I was little, I used to dream about living on a bunch of land. Like, a big open field with wildflowers and maybe a few dogs. I’d be lying in the grass with my guitar, writing songs while a baby napped next to me. And my husband, who would obviously be very cute and very obsessed with me, would bring me lemonade.” I shrugged, still smiling. “I don’t know if that’s still in the cards for me anymore, but little me was committed to the vision.”
“You don’t want that now?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Things are different now. What about you? What does next year look like for you?”
“Ah, good deflection.” He shook his head and smiled. “I could retire comfortably and never work another day if I wanted. Perks of the NFL and having a good financial advisor when I was young. Now, I don’t know. I want to relax for a bit, rest my body. Who knows? Maybe I’ll finally use my degree for something.”
“What’s your degree in?”
“Education.”
“Really?”
“Yup, I always liked kids and teaching. I figured it’d be an easy thing to fall back on. Plus, summers off. Big bonus there.”
“Definitely a plus.”
Sawyer cleared his throat and tapped his fingers on the table. “I like this. Getting to know you. I mean, we should probably be friends if we’re gonna be pretending to date each other.”
“You mean we can’t just wing it and hope our fake love story magically makes sense?”
“I’m charming, not magical.”
