My chest burns at the thought of Twitch being miserable. “I’m stuck,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “The clubhouse was my safe place, and now, with Mercedez, it feels like I can’t go back. I’m constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that one wrong look or conversation will push her over the edge and she’ll tell Reaper. It’s exhausting.”
“You’re always welcome here,” Ivy says firmly. “But I get where you’re coming from. Have you and Twitch thought about just saying ‘screw it’ and telling everyone? Dealing with whatever comes after?”
The thought of losing my brother sends a shiver down my spine. “It’s a big deal. I have no one else left, and Twitch has only his mom and his brother.”
“You’ll always have me and Ava,” Ivy says, her voice full of conviction.
“But you’re part of the club,” I counter. “If the club disowns me, they might not let you associate with me.”
She huffs. “No one tells me who I can and can’t talk to.”
She has a point. The women in the club aren’t pushovers. The men like to think they’re in control, but the women are the real backbone.
“Don’t write Twitch off just yet,” Ivy says. “If he means that much to you, hold on a little longer.”
* * *
Twitch
I came straight backto the clubhouse, where Mercedez was waiting for me. She was all smiles, acting like everything was perfect. I let her sleep in my bed, not wanting to cause a scene, but I warned her that I wasn’t feeling well to avoid having to have sex with her. The look in Milly’s eyes when I left her house last night keeps haunting me. All I wanted to do was stay. The thought of running away with her, far away from here, felt like a good idea, but Milly has her career and family here. She has a life. I can’t take that away from her.
I was up the rest of the night, and the lack of sleep is taking a toll on me. It’s not just the exhaustion—it’s the stress. The constant pressure is suffocating, and I know it’s only a matter of time before the lack of sleep starts affecting my epilepsy. I need to take better care of myself, but how can I when everything feels like it’s falling apart?
Yes, I interrupted Milly’s date last night, and for good reason. If I can’t have her, no one can. I know she deserves someone like Edward—someone stable, someone who can give her the life she deserves. But the thought of her being with him makes my soul wither and die. I can’t let it happen.
Now Mercedez is sitting on my lap while we watch TV, and I feel utterly disgusted. It’s like I need to scrub my skin raw just to get rid of the feeling. Everything about this feels wrong. Her touch repulses me. I’ll never get over Milly, and I’ll never forgive Mercedez for what she’s done. All of this—her manipulation, her threats—it’s all for what? To be an ol’ lady?
Cash walks past, and I seize the opportunity to get Mercedez off me. “I need to get up and ask Cash to get you a cut,” I say quietly.
She jumps up with a beaming smile, her excitement making my stomach churn. Just thinking about spending my life with her... it’s dark, but maybe I’ll need a knife for myself. I shake my head, trying to push the thought away. I’ve been spending too much time with Demon—his dark humor is rubbing off on me.
“Cash, do you have a minute?” I call out while he’s going up the stairs.
He stops and turns, his expression curious. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
I hesitate, my throat feeling tight and my tongue heavy. My body is rejecting the words before I even say them. But I have to do this. Cash patiently waits.
“Can you...” I pause, swallowing hard. “Can you get Mercedez a cut for being my ol’ lady?”
Cash’s eyes widen. “Since when has she been your ol’ lady?”
“Since...” I trail off, my mind racing for an excuse. “Just recently.”
He gives me a skeptical look. “I don’t get involved in people’s relationships, but as your friend... are you sure this is the right thing to do?” He scrunches up his nose, like he can’t even believe what he’s hearing.
In my head I’m screaming,No, this is not the right thing to do!But I force a smile, my muscles tense with the effort. “Yes, I’m sure.”
Cash doesn’t look convinced. “Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than me. For your own good, I’ll let you sit on it for a bit. You haven’t even told the club yet.”
Milly needs her brother. He is her world. “No,” I say with more confidence, “I’m sure.”
He grimaces, clearly not buying it. “Okay, I’ll order it for you. But you have to tell the club.”
I nod. I don’t have it in me to do it today. “I’ll ask for a club meeting tomorrow.”
He scratches his head, his expression still doubtful. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making a shit decision.”
I chuckle, though there’s no humor in it. But what can I say? Yes, I know.
