His voice is soft, and I regret asking, so I take a large drink, and it burns all the way down. I lean closer. “How did you join the War Brothers MC?” I’m invested in his life story now.
“I was lost after they medically discharged me.”
My throat tightens at the lingering sadness in his tone.
“I came home and all my friends in the army I had made were still there, so I didn’t feel I was a part of that friendship group anymore. I did well at school but was never interested in college or anything, so I didn’t have a qualification to fall back on. I think I slipped into a depression for a while until my mom heard of a group of ex-military men that had moved to Crown Village.” He smiles sadly. “I think she couldn’t handle me being miserable any longer, so she suggested I go make friends. I came to the clubhouse the next day, met them, and began as a prospect.”
I blink several times, trying to keep the tears at bay. He’s never told me his story, and it pains me to know he was in pain after coming home.
He puts his hand over mine and rubs his thumb over my hand. “Don’t cry—everything all worked out. I made a new family, and I couldn’t imagine my life any different. It’s just...”
I wait for him to answer, but he pauses and frowns. “What’s wrong?”
He lowers his voice. “I owe my life to this club. They pulled me out of the darkness. They’ve treated me with respect and...” He grabs his club vest. “I wear this with honor and pride. So whatever is happening between us, just know I’m struggling too. I feel like a fraud, disrespecting my family and betraying my president. But I can’t stop wanting you.”
I rub the base of my neck. “I understand. I feel like I’m betraying the only real family I’ve ever had. Reaper protected me when we were in foster care. He wasn’t just my big brother. Sometimes he felt like a parent too. He stood up to bullies for me, made sure I did my homework, and even sent money home from the war to help pay for my medical degree.”
My heart clenches as guilt threatens to overwhelm me. “I wouldn’t be where I am today without him,” I say softly. “I owe him everything. And it hurts—God, it hurts—that I’ve betrayed him. I never imagined I could do something like this, but...” I stare into those dark-green eyes. “I couldn’t stop myself.”
The truth hangs in the air between us, heavy and raw. Admitting it out loud feels like ripping open a wound, but at the same time, it’s a relief. It’s the truth, and I can’t run from it anymore.
With a shaky breath, I drain my glass, the burn of the alcohol doing little to dull the ache in my chest. I set the empty glass down on the table with a soft clink, my hands trembling slightly.
“Do you regret it?” he asks.
“No,” I answer briskly. Even though the guilt is bearing down on us, I don’t regret our time together. It’s rare for me to truly connect with a man, and it hurts me to think I might have to give that up. I’ve always gravitated toward him. “What about you?” I bite my lower lip, unsure if I want the answer or not. “Do you regret it?”
His cheeky grin is back in full force. “I’d never regret being with you.”
Oh my... his words hit me in the chest. With him, I feel seen. I’m not just Reaper’s sister or the club doctor. He sees me, Milly.
I sigh. “The whole situation is hard. Because Reaper sacrificed so much for me, I’ve always felt that I’ve had to live up to his expectations. I never wanted to disappoint him, and it hurts that I am.”
“Honesty, respect, loyalty, and brotherhood are important in our club. I don’t think I’m worthy of wearing the club vest now, but being with you is heaven. And if it were to happen again... I don’t have it in me to say no.”
I inch back, my eyes wide. “Again?” My heartbeat quickens, a surge of happiness and nerves. I want to be with him again, but I’m conflicted. “Does anyone else know what happened between us?”
He shakes his head and licks those lips. “Just Ivy and Demon.”
“I’d like to keep it that way. It stresses me out that even those two know. We can’t have anyone else finding out.”
He nods. “I know.”
I need to change the subject before I do something stupid like kiss him again. “What made you become the computer guru of the club?”
“I’ve always been good with computers. I’m also good at hacking, so my skills work out in the club’s favor because they didn’t have anyone suitable to fill the role.”
The hidden chocolate... the hacking... Is everything a game to him? Am I just his current fixation until he gets bored? I don’t truly think he’s that type of person, but I can’t stop the intrusive thought. “You mentioned your mom... is it just you and her?”
He nods. “Yep.”
“So you’re a mama’s boy,” I tease.
He chuckles. “Sure am. I love my mom.”
Aww... that’s the sweetest.
“She’s always wanted what’s best for me. She was a single mom who worked her ass off. And no one can beat her pancakes... not even Ava!” He says that last part with pride.
