Zara
Waking up,I feel the warmth of Knox’s body. The weight and heat of his muscular arm around me. The throb between my thighs is a reminder of last night.He said he loves me.My chest tightens at the thought. More than anything, I would love to let my walls down, but I can’t. I still hold a wariness with him, terrified that he could shatter my world again. I won’t survive it a second time.
I gently take his wrist and pull his arm off my body, then shuffle across the bed. When I reach the end, my eyes dart between his sweatshirt and my dress as I wonder what to put on to walk to the bathroom. When my feet meet the floor, I bend down and scoop up his sweatshirt. I pull it over my head, loving its warmth and the scent of his cologne.
I step to my suitcase and fumble through my clothes until I find my jeans and a casual shirt, underwear, a bra, and my toiletry bag.
“What are you doing?” he asks, making me jolt.
I turn and look at him. His eyes are skimming over me, the smallest smile on his lips. He nods, as if happy with my selection of clothing. The blanket is dangerously low on his hips. I jerk my head away to stop myself from checking him out.Today is a new day. Everything is to go back to how it was.
Looking back, I ensure my eyes meet his and not his body. “Thank you for yesterday.” I didn’t want to be ungrateful.
He stiffens, and he grimaces like my words hurt him. “Don’t go back to treating me like a stranger.” He sits up and turns his legs over the edge of the bed. He runs his hand through his hair. “Stay with me...” His voice is thick with pain. He stands with his arms out. “Stay with me...”
I know I’m not dying, but my heart’s bleeding out. I turn my back to him and grasp the door handle. “I can’t... I’m sorry.”
After stepping out of the room, I gently close the door behind me. I briskly walk to the bathroom, tears running down my face.
Once I’ve showered, I feel more awake, but my body feels cold. My breathing quickens with every step to Knox’s bedroom. When I open the door, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. It makes me frown, and the guilt hits me.
I did this.
I want to reach out and touch him, comfort him, though I tightly grip my clothes to keep my hands restrained.
Knox thought I was doing better without him... but maybe he was just saying that to be kind... Maybe it was the other way around. He didn’t want to get involved with me again. He didn’t want to have to tiptoe around me and treat me like glass or be the one to lean on.
Being a burden is a heavy weight to carry. The guilt swells, assaulting me, so I sit beside him. He lifts his face from his hands.
His sad eyes pierce mine. “I never said this, but I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I was in a lot of pain with Misty when she disappeared, and even though I was broken, I never asked you how you were coping... how you were feeling. So thank you for being selfless, and even though we broke up, I want you to know I did and still appreciate every time you’ve been there for me.”
His eyes soften. Even though I wanted to keep my distance, my hand moves of its own accord around his waist to hug him, as if I were granting us this moment of surrender.
His arms envelop me, pulling me into him, as he tenderly kisses my head before he says, “You bleed, I bleed... remember?”
“I remember,” I whisper, blinking back tears. I could never forget.
During breakfast, I make an effort to thank everyone again for their support at the vigil. Afterward, we put on our helmets and head for his motorcycle. He swings his leg over it and hops on. With his hand out, he helps me get on behind him.
“Hold on tight.”
Excitement shoots through me. My arms tighten around him and we pull away. I can’t stop smiling as we leave, slow at first and then racing off down the road, with the roar of the motorcycle between my legs and the howl of the wind biting my skin, making my hair flutter from underneath the helmet. There’s a freeing feeling to being on the back of a motorcycle.
I shift my head to the side as I look at the view once we get closer to the main street of Crown Village. There are mountains in the distance, and trees and dense shrubs cover the land. I forgot how gorgeous the scenery is here. A mix of heritage and modern businesses greet us next. Most I’m familiar with, but there’re new ones as well.
We ride closer to the shore and pull into the beach parking lot.
Happiness slides away and nervousness takes its place. My heart thumps as I get off the motorcycle, and my hands shake as I struggle to get the helmet off. Knox’s hands gently fold over mine and he unclasps the helmet for me, freeing the straps, making me exhale in relief.
“Thank you,” I say, handing him the helmet.
He doesn’t answer, but the devotion in his eyes says it all. There’s an ache at the back of my throat, and I’m finding it difficult to swallow. I shift, looking away and out along the tree line, where there are picnic tables. When I squint, I see Iris sitting at the second table closest to us, so I walk to her. My stomach drops further with every step, unsure about what this conversation will bring about Misty’s disappearance.
When we reach her, she stands and smiles, and I walk into her outstretched arms. When I pull back, I notice the wrinkles around her eyes she’s gained over the years. I sit as she gives Knox a brief hug. She sits across from me and fans her face as her eyes gloss with fresh tears.
I try to swallow again, but it’s difficult.
“Helen did a spectacular job of the vigil. It was a beautiful ceremony,” says Iris.
