Only about ten minutes later the nurses come back to get me. Mac’s visibly nervous, but he puts on a brave front as he holds my hand until the very last second, but I know better. He’s barely holding it together. Right as he lets go of my hand, I smile up at him.
“See you on the flip side, Big Mac.”
A choked laugh bubbles up from his chest as he shakes hishead.
“Don’t call me that. I’ll see you as soon as you wake up, Beautiful.”
“I love you, MacQuillian Patrick.”
“I loveyou, Lelonie Dorthea.”
We keep our eyes locked on each other until the door to the hall filled with operating rooms shuts, effectively cutting off our eye contact.
See you soon, Handsome.
35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Mac
The space is dark and dingy, and the stool where my ass is currently parked has old, cracked vinyl, which makes it uncomfortable. The smell of smoke hangs thick in the air, and the bar in front of me is a light brown. Drinks litter the top of it, sitting in front of other patrons. My hands are soaked in sweat, my head is spinning, and my eyes are locked on the glass of my favorite whiskey sitting in front of me.
There’s a large glass jar behind the bar. It’s for people to drop their AA chip in once they take that first sip. Mine still burns a hole in the pocket of my jeans. I’ve been sitting here staring at this glass for the better part of an hour. The condensation on the glass and the amber liquid scream at me to pick up the glass and throw it back. I’m only resisting by the final shreds of self control that are barely hanging on. Thelonger I sit here, the more the last strands left stretch. They’re about to snap. I can feel it, but I’m powerless to stop it.
My brothers and Davis are blowing my phone up, but they all sit unanswered. My plan was simple. I was going to see Lee off, then sit in front of the same doors I do every time someone I love is back in surgery. It was foolproof, until they told me that I couldn’t and had to move. It didn’t matter how much weight my last name carried or how many threats I threw around; I still wasn’t allowed to sit there. So I stormed out of the hospital, and wouldn’t you know it; there’s a bar just a few doors down from the building where my big brother and the woman I’m in love with are being cut open.
The bell hanging over the door rings like it has a few times since walking in here. Like every other time, I ignore it and continue to stare at my drink. The ‘far too happy to be at work’ bartender walks over as two men take a seat on either side of me, but I’m too focused on the drink in front of me to even look at them.
“What can I get you guys?”
The bartender is a younger guy, maybe a year or two older than me. He has on jeans and a black shirt with a rag draped over his shoulder. At least that’s what he looked like when I ordered my drink. I haven’t checked up since he sat it down.
“Yeah, you can get that glass of whiskey away from my fucking brother.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand. Fuck, that’s Rowan. The man on the other side gently grips my shoulder, and I already know it’s Kieran. Slowly I bring my eyes to Roe. I know I’m going to find anger and disappointment shining in them, but surprisingly when my eyes latch onto him, I see nothing but pride. Is he okay?
“I– I didn’t. I swear– I thought about it. Hell, I almost did. But I couldn’t do it.”
“I know. Come on, let’s get out of here.” I don’t fight him when he puts his hand on the back of my neck or when he guides me out of the bar into the bright light and fresh air of Jersey City.
“I’m so sorry. They kicked me out. They said I couldn’t sit by the door. Roe, I always sit by the door.” My voice is coming out panicked, but I can’t help it.
“I know. It’s okay.” He pulls me into his arms as I try to steady my breathing.
“We have two options here, Mac. You can pull your phone out and call Davis. If that’s what you need, I want you to do that. But if you don’t, we have Matteo in the warehouse.”
I pull back from his embrace and search his eyes for any sign he’s lying. He’s not.
“Let’s go. I’ll call Davis on the way to let him know what happened and that I’m okay and with you guys now. I have to be back before she gets out, though.”
“You’ll be back in time. I promise.”
I look over to Kieran, who has just quietly listened to everything going down.
“I’ll make sure of it, M. I swear.”
Sliding into the backseat of my Jeep after handing Rowan the keys, I fish my phone out of my pocket. Before I can talk myself out of it, I press the name that I’m positive is about to hold me accountable. He answers on the first ring, of course he does.
